Hi all,
just thought I will drop a line here hoping that getting it all out will help me at least a little bit.
I am 34 years old female I have been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for years. Once I realized what was wrong with me I did my research and just that seemed to help for a very long time. I was anxiety and panic attacks free for a very long time, enjoying my life and being happy about all the little things...
now when I think about the last time I was truly relaxed and happy I realise it was May last year. Since then the anxiety and panic started to creep back in my life. I was still having more happy than unhappy times until about November just after I have booked my Christmas flights. It was getting worse and worse with time and by the time I arrived at my parents for Christmas I was already nervous wreck. Going out, taking part in festivities and pretty much anything was just a struggle...
for the last six months it was up and down again. there were times when I felt I was getting better and there were also setbacks. I started CBT/mindfulness therapy but had to cancel after only 3 sessions as I just couldn't pay £80/hr once a week :( it did let me get back on track and I started to meditate every day, taking care of myself and I thought I had it under control.
Until 2 weeks ago when the negative thoughts started again - I couldn't motivate myself at work, mornings were really bad and I only felt better in the afternoons and when at home...once again I rushed to implement all the self-help techniques and once again I felt better, last weekend I felt great only to be hit with terrible anxiety again on Monday. and it was downhill from there - panic attacks every morning, then mornings and afternoons, all I wanted is to go home when at work. The PMS probably didn't help either but on Thursday, just before lunch I had this massive panic attack, skipped a meal and since then my stomach is feeling squeezed and even a thought of food makes me extremely nauseous. it has been 4 days I hardly ate at all, going from one panic attack to another, unable to find myself a place. Whenever I try to focus on something - TV, reading, meditation, exercising - it just brings on another panic attack.
I had bad PMS before but then as soon as my period starts all the bad feelings were instantly gone. I just got my period today and here I am feeling more anxious than ever. didn't sleep last night, the "shaking" and butterflies inside just doesn't go away...
I have booked a GP visit for later this afternoon...but have serious doubts that it is going to get me anything. it takes ages to get CBT therapy on NHS. I cant even think about taking any anti-anxiety medication as the thought is making me panic.
I do feel like I am losing my mind as I never had it that bad and for so long without a break :(
I do apologies for this very long post and I do appreciate if you actually read it all :)
Trying to find some hope at the moment and trying to believe that I was here before and it did went away...
But it is very hard :(
Goha
