Every action great or small makes a difference. One of my favorite quotes is by Gandhi -You must be the change you wish to see in the world. If everyone just worked an extra mile to help someone, the world would be a much better place. Thank you also for the complement. First let me say, I have no idea where to post this - here looked like the best fit.
I have said multiple times that after 20 years of Dr's I really don't think there is anything down that road for me.
My boyfriend is awesome, he is my biggest supporter/ cheerleader/ ///////// he is my rock. He tells me I'm wonderful and bunch of other sparkly good stuff no one wants to hear, he is also one of the first people to do that (in honesty I don't know how to take it, I just smile and say thank you, sometimes I think he does it just to watch me look awkward). He treats me like a princess, opens my doors, has the patience of a saint with me, and spoils me rotten (again not used to this). We have been together for 3 years (almost 4), he started dating me knowing I was a divorced mother of 2 kids, which he treats better than their own father. I love him, not for what he does, but who he is - his heart, sense of humor, smile, intelligence. If I could hand pick the traits of another human being to spend my life with, I'd choose him.
How are these related? He has been dropping hints, and subtlety is not one of his talents, that I should see someone, he has watched my mood plummet since my hip messed up. He expected it to kinda fix itself, I have had periods of depression during the course of our relationship and I work through them myself. This time, is in his opinion the worst he's seen, he loves me and he supports whatever I do, but he felt he should voice his concern. He is also not amused that they handed me a cane and decided it it’s not better in 5 weeks they might do an MRI, he has been by my side through this whole thing. He drove me to emergency, held my hand when they injected the joint, and takes the day off work to take me to the Dr. when I go.
Yesterday, I called to make an Intake appointment. The initial appointment was for Wed., and then they called back and moved it to the 21st. It really kinda frosted my cookie, not because I think it's a personal jab, but because the last time they did this (re: my sons counseling appt) they called every time the appointment got close (one time as I was walking out the door to leave) to re-sched. After 3 months of them moving the appt out, I gave up and quit making appts. I have Kaiser so I don't have a choice on where I go, and they know it. On top of it, they've been in the news for this practice (as well as a few others) and they get up there and deny it, saying those reports are biased and unfounded. After I hung up with them, I was ready to call back and cancel it all together – I’m really not 100% behind this to begin with and it will be the end of April before I see an actual Dr. (the intake is with a clinical social worker, I know the average apt times because both my kids are seen there, 4-6 weeks is standard for next available apt). I’m doing it because someone I love, and that loves me has voiced a concern, which makes it worth my time to try it again. I didn’t call and cancel; I’m voicing my frustration and indignation here instead (no, I’m not expecting anyone to have a solution, I know the only thing I can do is sit and wait).
What got me about this is that I pay for insurance (well a portion of it), plus a whole bunch of out of pocket expenses. Yet I can't get timely care (in my opinion). I have had other insurance, my company switched to Kaiser 3 years ago. Under other carriers, mental health aside, I received much better care. I was able to get an appointment in a speedy manner, with Kaiser for a non-urgent appointment it’s a minimum of 2 weeks.
These are solely my experiences, no one else, make your own decisions for your own reasons (my daughter has ADHD, she is under treatment and has had fantastic success. My son got a correct diagnosis, last semester he was all F’s he is now A’s & B’s). My experiences with the mental health field have been touch and go. I was diagnosed at eight with generalized depression, and as I got older they seemed to scramble for a label. At 11 they told my Grandma I was depressed, passive aggressive and I’d be pregnant by the time I was 15 (I still have that report). At 14 they put me on birth control because it must be a hormone problem. Under a diagnosis of PTSD after a car accident (18 yrs old) they started giving me meds. The meds didn't help the issues, and I started having side effects they would fix with more pills. At 19 almost 20 I had my son, they called it PPD and gave me different pills, with different side effects. At 22 I had my daughter and was still being treated for PPD, soon to be changed to Bi-Polar and a regiment of Depakote & (insert pill here), according to the Dr's because of thyroid conditions in my family, Lithium wasn't an option and there were only 2 drugs to build treatment on, so Depakote it was. After being told I wasn't capable of holding a job and should just go file for Social Security (23), I hit bottom (I had also always been employed, I was fired from one job after I collapsed a "side-effect" of the meds). I looked at my kids pulled myself up and started pulling it together. I got my first office job on 10/31/02 (24), my brother died at 6yrs old in a fire set by my 4yr old son 11/26/02. I kept my job, my wits and did everything I was supposed to do. I continued seeing my Dr, which continued handing me meds that either didn't work or had side effects worse than the illness. In 2006 after 20 years I said enough! I got rid of a Dr that wouldn't listen and my lying, cheating, manipulating ex-husband. This is prior to having Kaiser, and I can say I have not been impressed with the level of care I have received with previous coverage. Dr’s didn’t listen, they didn’t even pretend like they cared, it was all about shoving a scrip in my hand and shoving me out the door.
For almost 6 years I have done it on my own (meaning without medication), I have weathered every storm, a divorce case, custody battle, personal attacks, finding out who my real friends were, medical issues, quitting smoking, getting and keeping a better job, starting a healthy relationship, moving out of my moms and in with roommates, out of there in to my own apt, out of my apt in to our current home. So many changes, but I got through it all, minimal problems problem.
I am frustrated by the fact that this is hitting me the way it is, that of things I faced, of everything I have accomplished it's my stupid hip I injured in 1992. I am frustrated by the prospect of going back into the broken cycle of feeling like I have no voice, that my concerns will be brushed off like broken appointments, in the event that I have to be prescribed something, will I be able to get an appointment if there is a problem. This is not senseless worry it is legitimate concern. My daughter was prescribed Clonidine 1mg at night, they made sure to scare the pants off me that if she missed a dose her blood pressure could drop and she could die, she is allergic to tomatoes and after having d
Day 4, and I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I'm not sleeping well, I'm so run down, muddy brained and tired. I'm trying to stay away from the caffeine (or at least not anymore than I was drinking, just not human without my a.m. coffee) because of the sleep issues. My body hurts, my head hurts, and nothing is helping. Still have not caved or slipped, I just keep reminding myself it will pass. The cravings are better today. My kids and my sweetie are staying supportive; my sweetie in particular is dancing a jig trying to give me space when he thinks I need it or hugging me when he thinks I need it.
Thank you Josie, I just keep reminding myself it will get better. Nel - congrats on all the changes you've made so far, right on!I’m 33, I’ve been smoking about a pack a day since I was 16. I have 2 kids, and a wonderful boyfriend. I’ve been through a lot of things and most of my friends consider me to be a strong person. I was raised in Southern California by my grandparents, along with 3 of my 6 sisters and 2 brothers, I’m also the oldest.
I’ve worked since I was 17, and smoking went from being something I did with my friends when we went out to a way of making friends and socializing. I loved smoking, my family was beyond upset I started, and I had no desire to quit. I found out I was pregnant with my son at 19, and my immediate response was to try and quit. I spent 3 days with some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, my then husband called the Dr, he recommended I continue smoking (just cutting back severely) till after I had the baby. The strain it was putting on my body would have ended the pregnancy. That pain has remained fresh in my mind for 14 years; it was my first and last attempt till last week.
14 years has seen ups, downs, deaths, a couple jobs, a second pregnancy, a divorce, a custody battle, ugly friendships and uglier relationships but my stress level has always been such that quitting was not an option, smoking was my blankie, my coping tool, my stress manager, and my microphone.
Last week I went to the Dr after my boyfriend insisted I go about my chest cold (in fact he drove me and sat with me). My usual Dr was booked, so they sent me to a colleague in the same department. The Dr diagnosed a URI (upper respiratory infection) and bronchitis. Then started his lose weight and stop smoking speech, I’ve heard it so many times I don’t even bother to feign interest anymore. Though this time was different, the Dr stopped mid lecture and asked if I have ever tried to quit, I told him about my one failed attempt. He then switched topics to my medical record, and as we began discussing neurology, exercise and allergies. He looks me in the eye and tells me, I’m going to give you NRT patches, you’ve already half quit (I don’t smoke in my car, in my house, at families homes ect), even if you don’t quit totally, just use them while you get over the bronchitis, but I think you’re at a point where you can do this. As I stood waiting for my inhalers, tessalon pills and patches, chatting with my boyfriend (a non-smoker btw) I mentioned the patches. He laughed in my face, why waste the money, you won’t actually use them. …. Challenge accepted.
I started my love affair with whiskey at 15 when a male friend told me it was a “mans drink” and I should stay to things with umbrellas. I have been the only girl in the pit at countless punk/metal shows since 16. I have hiked mountains, because fat chicks can’t hike. I took shop classes in school, because I was told I should take Home Ec (and had a steadier hand and cleaner weld than my male counterparts). I have excelled when failure was expected, and taken every struggle in my life and made it a place of growth.
I have 5 days behind me and a life in front of me. I am done being sick, my children will no longer see me as a smoker, my boyfriend will never have to wait while I smoke, I will never work nicotine into my budget again
