I’m 33, I’ve been smoking about a pack a day since I was 16. I have 2 kids, and a wonderful boyfriend. I’ve been through a lot of things and most of my friends consider me to be a strong person. I was raised in Southern California by my grandparents, along with 3 of my 6 sisters and 2 brothers, I’m also the oldest.

I’ve worked since I was 17, and smoking went from being something I did with my friends when we went out to a way of making friends and socializing.  I loved smoking, my family was beyond upset I started, and I had no desire to quit. I found out I was pregnant with my son at 19, and my immediate response was to try and quit. I spent 3 days with some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, my then husband called the Dr, he recommended I continue smoking (just cutting back severely) till after I had the baby. The strain it was putting on my body would have ended the pregnancy. That pain has remained fresh in my mind for 14 years; it was my first and last attempt till last week.

14 years has seen ups, downs, deaths, a couple jobs, a second pregnancy, a divorce, a custody battle, ugly friendships and uglier relationships but my stress level has always been such that quitting was not an option, smoking was my blankie, my coping tool, my stress manager, and my microphone.

Last week I went to the Dr after my boyfriend insisted I go about my chest cold (in fact he drove me and sat with me). My usual Dr was booked, so they sent me to a colleague in the same department. The Dr diagnosed a URI (upper respiratory infection) and bronchitis. Then started his lose weight and stop smoking speech, I’ve heard it so many times I don’t even bother to feign interest anymore. Though this time was different, the Dr stopped mid lecture and asked if I have ever tried to quit, I told him about my one failed attempt. He then switched topics to my medical record, and as we began discussing neurology, exercise and allergies. He looks me in the eye and tells me, I’m going to give you NRT patches, you’ve already half quit (I don’t smoke in my car, in my house, at families homes ect), even if you don’t quit totally, just use them while you get over the bronchitis, but I think you’re at a point where you can do this. As I stood waiting for my inhalers, tessalon pills and patches, chatting with my boyfriend (a non-smoker btw) I mentioned the patches. He laughed in my face, why waste the money, you won’t actually use them. …. Challenge accepted.

I started my love affair with whiskey at 15 when a male friend told me it was a “mans drink” and I should stay to things with umbrellas. I have been the only girl in the pit at countless punk/metal shows since 16. I have hiked mountains, because fat chicks can’t hike. I took shop classes in school, because I was told I should take Home Ec (and had a steadier hand and cleaner weld than my male counterparts). I have excelled when failure was expected, and taken every struggle in my life and made it a place of growth.