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Posts created by Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Let's wrap our head around this one.

Diva,

I was going to post something in response to Lost, but then read your post. I agree with you 100 percent. Well said and I couldn't have said it better myself. You took the words right out of my mouth, haha.

Lost, hang in there. You have a lot to offer this world, even if you do not see it. We all have something to offer. Even though we are all ill and suffering in someway, that does no define who we are as a person. We are all special and different. We are all connected in that this site has all brought us here together to talk about our sufferings. Take good comfort in knowing you have support and be thankful for any compliments given towards you. From your postings, you seem to be a bright individual. Writing style and organization of thoughts written in a person's post can enable one to draw conclusions about that person. No one here professes to actually "know you". Thats what we are here for. We would like to know you.

Don't worry about being angry. I am often angry myself. I say things hurtful to others when it is uncalled for and I also confuse myself, as well as contradict myself when I have such rapid mood swings. so, I can understand why you may not make sense to yourself. Don't worry. Just know that you make sense to us and a lot of us feel the way you do. You are not alone.

I sincerely send you thoughts of peace and I hope you find your way,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Specific Problems in Communication IV

Ashley,

Thank you for this post. I found it interesting and it made me stop and think a moment. I realize I do tend to mind read a lot of the time. I have, for example, assumed that others think of me as pathetic and not belonging, when in fact it is me who thinks that of myself. Sometimes, I often feel so transparent that what I am thinking/feeling may appear to me as also being thought or felt by others. I don't really know how to explain it. I hope this makes sense. I guess I just mean that whatever negatives I feel about myself, I assume others are seeing right through me and thinking negatively of me as well. It is a good point you made and definitely has opened my eyes to the fact that others are not always thinking what I assume. My thoughts are my own and I cannot confuse them with other's thoughts.

Thank you,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Your top 3 list- Life's simple pleasures

Ashley,

Thank you. It made me feel very good and positive to write the simple pleasures of mine because I had to actually think and remember them and be in the moment. It made me smile.

I do hope this list has done the same for others.

Thank you for this and bless you all,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Your top 3 list- Life's simple pleasures

Diva,

I am so glad I was able to put a smile on your face through my post. You have put a smile on my face with your kind words.

Thank you,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Hello All....

Diva,

Thats ok. Thank you for the warm welcome. I look forward to hearing more from you in this post and/or others. I appreciate your being kind and friendly.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Hello All....

Ashley,

I currently am not seeing a therapist. I have not been to a therapist in about a year or two. I do have a terrible memory, often forgetting what I said just a few moments ago. Also my memories are very disheveled and seem to not make any sort of organizational sense. Anyway, as I remember it, I was diagnosed with depression. I have been to several therapists/psychiatrists. I remained in therapy very briefly (only for two or three months). I feel that I my symptoms have not been given the proper amount of attention to by my therapists and psychiatrists, often assuming that they already know whats wrong with me before I even get to really explain it. Also, at the time, I did not have the self-awareness and insight that I do now on my condition and my symptoms, so I probably did to mention all of them that I have talked about on these forums. Also, because it was only briefly, perhaps i did not get enough time in therapy to truly make an accurate assessment. That being said, I currently am on the medication Zoloft, that I have requested myself. My mom's friend is a nurse practitioner and she calls in my prescription each time. We do not discuss my symptoms, nor do we do therapy together, I simply research it myself, tell her what I think I need and she gives me feedback and tells me of meds that have worked for other patients and that I might consider trying them. I did try Effexor XR once, but I only felt good the first few weeks, and then I crashed so hard and felt just terrible.

I do somewhat understand the effects of drugs and know they aren't good for me. Thank you for further stressing that point.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Being normal, working and my lack there of...

Diva,

No need to apologize. You're right, you should take time for yourself and focus on enjoying life again. I am happy you have found your independence and have thought of this method to help treat yourself. Sometimes feeling happy but not necessarily "cured", "functional", and " all better" is just what a person needs. You seem very positive and hopeful in your post. I am proud of you!!

I am sorry if I seemed pushy or overly suggestive in my post. I understand what you said about being forced by others or forcing yourself. It only makes you feel frustrated and want to give up. I do apologize and I am happy to see that you found an alternative that works for you at this time in your life.

Sincerely,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Hello All....

Ashley,

I think you are absolutely right. I have been trying to avoid therapists, and the like, because I fear that I am giving up control, surrendering myself to them and acknowledging I am weak. This scares me and I do often resist this. I have been trying to do this on my own, but it is time to admit that medication and my own research and insight is simply not enough. I am considering the option to go for therapy with someone new and start my sessions again. I cannot afford not to see a therapist anymore.

Thank you,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Bad Days

Lance,

It was very brave of you to say the things you said on your video. I did enjoy watching/listening. You seem to be very warm and kind at heart. I understand what you are going through. I too am going through bi-polar disorder. Most days, I find its such a struggle to control my impulses. I get mad at the drop of a hat. I feel a "switch" in my brain and My mood changes completely. I don't seem to have much control over it, if any. Its been very frustrating for me, as I imagine it has been for you. Your video was very inspiring and I felt you were also talking about my situation when you talked about yours. It was so scarily similar that I wanted to cry. You have kind eyes and a gentle voice. I am so happy you are starting to do well again. Just hang in there. This is a fight for your life and you cannot let your disorder win. FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!

Hang in there,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Dont know what happened

Lance,

I understand how troubling it is to start all these tasks only to not finish any of them. I would strongly suggest working with one thing at a time. Thats all your mind can handle right now. Start one thing and finish it. However big or small. When you do accomplish something, take the time to pat yourself on the back and recognize that you have made very good progress. Don't lose hope. Every little thing counts.

The problem with taking on too many tasks at once for people with bipolar disorder id that our minds are all jumbled, upside down, inside out and screwed up that we can't really fully concentrate on any one thing. Our interests often change with the wind, as well as our moods. Try to find one hobby that you enjoy the best and stick with that for now.

I know its been very hard for you. Losing your family and friends must truly have been devastating. I understand how that can feel. I too have lost touch with some of my family and friends. It certainly doesn't help to make your condition any better. But, its up to you to make it better. You and only you. You, alone, can improve your life. First work on getting yourself back on track and allow yourself to get to a point where you are stabilizing well. Then, when you feel you have worked back to being "you" again, then go and see your family and friends. Tell them what you have been going through. Share with them all the progress you have made....and tell them that you understand you screwed up, but you vow to do everything in your power to never hurt them so badly again. Remind them that this is a process and you are committed to staying well.

I hope you get your family, friends and life back. I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, wish good things for you and your life. Good luck.

God bless,

Fallabe12

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