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Posts created by Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Rebuilding your Self-Esteem

That should be I can't, not I can in the last sentence of mine. I definitely will spell check next time. I make enough errors in my life, I don't need typing errors as well. Lol.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Rebuilding your Self-Esteem

Lost,

It's very understandable how you would feel you are not yet fully ready and equipped to go through with therapy. However, you giving up and stopping the therapy is just one more way your depression is trying to hold you back. You must fight this no matter how hard it is. If you resist therapy, things might not get better anytime soon and things might get worse. I'm not saying they will, but, I just think you should be careful and take more time to think about it before you decided to stop therapy.

What is the severity of your depression, would you say? I hope this is not too personal, forgive me. But depending on the severity of your depression will determine how desperately you need this therapy. Ask yourself, are you able to mentally afford not going to therapy? I think you should do some reconsideration and try and figure this out. Don't give up!! Depression make it too easy to give up. Keep at it!! Then, later on, after some time, if it seems to not be working for you the way you anticipated, then decide to end it, but please do not quit before you even really start.

Hang in there,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Being normal, working and my lack there of...

Diva,

It seems that you are severely frustrated from this whole "job" nonsense. I too felt at one time that I wanted to work, but didn't at the same time because I didn't think I was capable of holding a full-time job. I even though, "I didn't ask to be her on this earth, Nobody asked my permission or asked if I wanted to be apart pf this society and work, So why should I have to be forced to be in a society and work as they all do when I did not ask for any of this?". I have felt this way for a long time. I feel that society and family and friends are expecting too much of me. I know I have to get a job, but they don't understand how hard it is just to make that first step. Recently, I have applied for jobs online, but haven't received any call-backs. I know I could do more, such as calling and discussing the status of my application on the phone, or I could go there in person and discuss it, but, I don't do these things, on top of being depressed, I am also lazy and spoiled, as well as selfish, I have to admit.

You're probably asking where I am going with all this. I do have a point here. Haha. I think you should force yourself, no matter how much your inner voice tells you to resist the work force. If you are tired of hearing others trying to push you and force you, then you must motivate yourself in some way. Find the positives in getting a job and work with that. Each time you get a negative, reverse it and find a positive that will reject and contradict that negative. Try, thats simply all you can do for now. Don't give up.

All the best,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Rebuilding your Self-Esteem

Goofy,

Thank you. You've made a good suggestion. Taking slow is probably best. I guess I never thought of breaking it down into slow, separate steps like that. You've opened my eyes to somethng that would appear to be of commen sense and easy to see. Hoever, in this case, your input has helped me to open my eyes to that possibility of trying to regain control of my thoughts. I appreciate your help.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Please Welcome Luciana our New Health Educator!

Luciana,

I too welcome you to our support forums. I am excited to be working with you and hearing your input in the forums. I do agree with goofy, your name is very beautiful....and from what I can see from your picture, a very beautiful face and smile as well.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Rebuilding your self-esteem

I appreciate this topic because I often struggle with being kind to myself. So often, I feel so guilty, and that leads me to thinking that I don't deserve kindness (whether from myself or others). I have been struggling with my self esteem for a long time. My whole life, actually. People around me seem to see something different that I have to been able to so and cannot see. I have always thought low of myself. I have even thought of myself as "evil" and meant for only bad things. I have worked hard on trying to raise my self esteem through the years.

Today, I am feeling very good and pretty confident, however, it is not always this way. I don't know how to keep it going. My problem is consistency. I have learned some coping techniques from various group leaders in meetings and such, but when I apply them, it only remains for a short amount of time (anywhere from a couple of days, to a couple of months). I usually can only maintain a good attitude for a day or two though. Some days I wake up completely depressed and do not desire to do anything. Other days, I wake up with a self-motivation that seems to come from nowhere automatically. It is on those days that I get the most done. I feel hyper and happy and feel able to achieve anything. Its very confusing and certainly a frustrating process. Any ideas? Also, I would be interested in hearing from other members who have similarly dealt with this. I'd love to hear your personal stories and get a point of view outside the realms of my own mind.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Hello All....

furgittit,

Thanks once again for your input. I fidn your insight and suggestions helpful. I have taken seroquel before. It made me extremely tired. All the time. I was getting a case of "the narcs". I kept falling asleep unexpectedly, even when standing up. I couldn't keep my eyes open for any long periods of time. The other meds I have not heard of. I will look more into other meds, such as the ones you mentioned, as well as others to see what medication I should be taking.

I have been trying to deal with this problem, mostly on my own over the years of my life, thus far. I am now 21. Will be 22 this January the 17th. However, I often feel infantile or child-like. I don't necessarily feel the age I actually am. I feel I need to talk myself into doing normal, everday activities. Simple stuff can seem so complex. I'm sure you understand this all already though. I just want to get better. I'm so impulsive to the point where I almost cannot control it or help it. I try to stop myself, but a strong pull comes over me and drags me toward that impulsive activity. I also say impulsive things too, even when I don't mean them, or when I only mean it for the moment because of my mood.

I am trying to work this all out. I'm hopeful this will hopefully be coming to an end. By this, I mean, I hope I will soon be able to live a normal, functional life despite my symptoms.

Taking illegal drugs has been an escape for me. I forget who I am and or who I need to be and go on automatic. I don't have to think for myself. My body just goes where it wants and I say what I want. In many ways this is freeing. Though the real truth is that I am imprisoning myself. Not thinking for myself may take away from my thought and all the crap in my head, but it makes me less functional, even though it seems I am more functional. It is an illusion.

I hope to hear more from you in the forums. Thank you.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Rebuilding your self-esteem

Pete,

I feel for you. I too have often felt no motivation, thinking I was worthless, feeling so guilty about hurting others. I even felt ashamed that I had to make myself think positively each day. I felt pathetic. Useless. This all made me feel that I wasn't capable of achieving anything, much less my big goals. I am very sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. It saddens me to a point because I understand what you are going through.

I wish I had some suggestions, but I am not always one to find the right words. I do hope you start feeling better or at least can find a way to gain some relief on some level for at least part of your symptoms.

All the best,

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Your top 3 list- Life's simple pleasures

I do looking this post a lot. It is hard to think of positive things to say on most days. Though, today I am feeling content and willing to share what some of my simple pleasures are.

1) Eating a delicious piece of cheesecake.

2) Smiling when its genuine and feeling good.

3) Laying in the arms of my love, feeling comforted and warm by his presence and me being close to him.

4) Reading a very enjoyable book.

5) Watching my favorite TV programs with my grandmother.

6) Hanging out with friends, having nothing to do....but still having a blast anyway

7) Staying up late on the weekends

8) Sleeping in on the weekends

9) singing till my hearts content

10) dancing crazy to loud music (i cannot dance well, by the way)

11) Reading or watching horror stories/movies

12) Going for a long walk in the woods by myself, hearing the peaceful quite, not anyone milling about except myself and some small squirrels and birds.

13) Buying ice cream from the man on the truck who comes during my summers and hands me a delicious vanilla ice cream on a tasty sugar cone.

14) Racing some of my friends and playing frisbee, basketball and roller blading in the middle of the street (on a road that isn't too busy or only has one way traffic, like at my old house in Staten Island)

15) Being around other people who are happy and smiling while I am also feeling happy and smiling...it makes me feel warm and connected to all peaceful beings.

16) Getting compliments, no matter how small they are.

17) Eating cheeseburgers from all of my favorite places.

18) Sitting under the sun on a hot day by the pool.

19) Dressing up on special occasions and holidays.

20) Allowing myself to simply "be" and not have to think about who I should be, What I should say, and how I should behave (this can be very freeing. Too often I tell myself how to move, think and act (not always working in my favor) while trying to keep my composure and acting completely normal.

Fallabe12

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Myth or Fact

Lost,

Don't try to think too much of how a chemical imbalance can be recognized and tested. It will only make your head spin, thus adding to the frustration and and often delusional feelings that some may experience. I know I often have delusions. I try to correct them where I can.

As for me, well, here is a myth and then its fact that counters it. Myth: I am my disorder/illness, Fact: My disorder is a part of me, but it is not ME.

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