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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Diva news...

Hi Ya Diva:

It's been a while. I too am concerned about you saying " Why would anyone care what I have to say... who cares what people like me have to say. Just a nerd and a dork, never was really popular or well integrated... who cares."

I care and so do people on this forum & on the Panic Center. As you know I have never been on meds but one question pops to mind. Are you feeling more depressed since starting these meds or since your dosage has been increased if so please discuss this with your doctor.

Hope you are better today

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

3rd round of depression

Hi Ya All:

Right now I am at my wits end, the anger, the feelings of being defective, zero self-esteem, anxiety, and throw in some pa's now and then. This 3rd round has been going on since March/09 and tonight the level of anger was unreal. I was mad at myself for feeling self-conscious, mad at feeling depressed, mad at not getting any therapy I have been waiting for over a month (this time). My mum just commented on how out of control my anger was & she was right, it actually scared me. I feel so hopeless and helpless, I don't know what to do anymore.

I was diagnosed with PD in Mar/07 and didn't get CBT until Aug/07, 2nd round of depression started in Dec/07, GAD reared it's ugly head on or about June/08 shortly after major surgery, then PA's began to re-surface.

I am not nor have I ever been on meds & would appreciate hearing from others in the same situation.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Lousy Days Are Back Again

Hi Ya All:

Haven't posted here in a while but I'm really at a low period right now, especially tonight, there is a lot of anger.

Anger because I feel as if I have emerged from a cocoon after 3 years of this emotional roller-coaster and there is nothing, no hope for a future, no hope for a job, no hope for a life. In short no hope.

You see I have been attending a up-grading course at a college near by since September 2008. The main reason I enrolled was because of the work placement component of the program. Being re-integrated back into the work force was my main goal. The program I thought had ties with the business community who knew of the emotional issues the students in this program have faced. A lot of people including myself were under the impression that the program which has a job developer got the students the placement - wrong! It's all up to us and in the economy employers it seems don't even want people who work for free. Believe me I have tried and tried and tried to find a placement since September 2009.

I now find myself saying where do I go from here?

Just wondering if any others have been in a similar situation emerging only to find - what?

How did you deal with it?

Success stories would be nice to hear.

caden

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Lousy Days Are Back Again

Hi Ya Josie:

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I have spoken with my professors and classmates as some of the people in class are having problems finding a placement too. You see I want to find a placement in an office doing what accounting, specifically my passion of analyzing and reconciling, resolving very old issues. Which is in itself the problem, you see a lot of my classmates have found either volunteer or work placements in the social work field, not office related. It seems that these types of organizations are more receptive than businesses.

As for trying a head hunter, you see my biggest obstacle is well - me. I don't think I can handle deadlines, I wonder if I will panic, if someone ticks me off how I will respond. All of these things I never thought about before, I was always very sure of my capabilities and my ability to make a difference. Through my emotional roller coaster this has all been stripped away to the bare bones - shall we say. Where on one hand I really want to work, to contribute, to make a difference and on the other hand wonder about my ability now to handle the office environment.

It's another one of those pathetic feedback loops where I just keep going round and round, getting more and more down on myself for losing 3 years of my life that I can't get back and now my inability to move forward.

In short - I'm stuck!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Lousy Days Are Back Again

Hi Ya Andy:

Thank-you for taking time out to offer your words of encouragement.

You are right, looking back from where I was 3 years ago till now is like day and night. I have accomplished a lot and don't give myself enough credit for it, in fact I tend to dismiss it. You know what from where I have come from (the pit) has taken a lot of strength, courage and internal fortitude. I know it sounds like I have given up but that's just not in me or I wouldn't be in the place I am today. I think it's time to look at all my options, which I have been doing.

All the best on your journey.

caden

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Lousy Days Are Back Again

Hi Ya goofy:

Thank-you for your words of encouragement, they mean a lot to me.

You have a lot of knowledge about this subject and offer very good advice, thank-you.

I am prepared to do data entry, I guess I haven't given the matter full consideration. You asked a good question one I hadn't thought about since I have over 10 years experience in accounting, I will look at this aspect with the job developer at the college.

As for liability issues we are covered under the college, the business would have to complete a WSIB form. I know of one program and an employment agency that specifically assists people with disabilities find employment. I am will be obtaining a referral from my family doctor when I see her next month for the employment program.

You say you haven''t been able to work due to your depression, but I''ll tell you something. The advice you offered me didn't sound in anyway coming from a depressed person, it came from a person reaching out to another using the knowledge and experience you have acquired. There would be a lot of people I'm sure who would welcome your advice and what came through to me in your reply was a passion. Passion to try and help another person.

It's true that when we help another we actually in turn help ourselves. In helping me I hope you see in yourself the qualities, empathy and experience you have that would benefit others in my situation.

Take care and all the best on your journey.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Well, I got it!

Hi Ya All:

Haven't been posting in a while but wanted everyone to know I got the work placement I wanted. This was the same place that said no on more than one occasion since last October. This will be my 3rd week now, it's very different from what I thought.

I'm trying to keep my mind open to learning new things which aren't Accounting related. So all this is really new to me & I'm finding I have new capabilities.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Well, I got it!

Me again:

I forgot to mention this is an unpaid work placement, a re-integration for me back into the work force.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

I think this goes under this topic

Hi Ya Goofy:

I'm so sorry to hear of your health issues in addition to the depression and anxiety. I hope you find some form of relief soon.

I can only speak from my experience which I have had at times with bouts of dizziness, frightening is the word which comes to mind. I think anyone regardless if they had depression or not would be disconcerted to say the least with recurrent bouts of dizziness.

Acceptance now there's the rub, for the longest time when I was first diagnosed with PD I thought acceptance meant giving up. It took me a very, very long time to come to the full understanding of what it really meant, coming to terms, planning what to do next , living with in spite of. You see I have Tinnitus 2 sometimes 3 noises ringing in my left ear day and night it never stops. I thought I was going to go crazy with it, I would cry and cry, get panic attacks, get frustrated the whole gamut of emotions. I can't change the fact that I will always have the noises, although at times they are more audible than others, but what I have done & believe me this took me a long time to come to this awareness. Is change my attitude towards it, I don't pay attention to it the way I used to as the more I focused on it the worse I felt.

Having said that I honestly think one thing that might be beneficial to you is being in touch with people who have the same condition, finding out how they cope, what works for them and doesn't. You said you found a support blog, have you found any encouragement t

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

I think this goes under this topic

Hi Ya Goofy:

How goes it today? I hope you are a bit better.

I did some researching (one of my passions) on the web & I don't know if you found out about this website called Vestibular Disorders Association. I don't believe we can post web sites on here or I would post the link for you. Anyway they have a link on their site with the heading " Find A Health Professional" . I did the search and there are 23 health professionals in Ontario who provide Vestibular Rehabilitation Therapy (VRT).

Might be worth looking into here's a bit about the VRT from their website:

How does VRT help?

"In most cases, balance improves if the exercises are correctly and faithfully performed. Muscle tension, headaches, and fatigue will diminish, and symptoms of dizziness, vertigo, and nausea will decrease or disappear. Many times, VRT is so successful that no other treatment is required."

I hope this can provide a bit of hope for you on your journey.

Take care.

Evolution Health is not a healthcare provider and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are currently thinking about or planning to harm yourself or someone else please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

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