Although I've improved quite a bit in the last few weeks, I've still been scared to really physically exert myself. Last year I played football with friends once a week and this week was time for that to start again.
On the way there I was anxious but once we started playing it slowly went away. Even though my heart was pounding because of all the exertion I barely noticed because I was having so much fun.
There are a few things I'm still afraid to do but this was one of the last major ones. I really feel like I'm getting my life back.
I've been feeling better for the most part so I've been easing back into drinking. I had been really anxious about it for fear that it would lead to a panic attack. I still can't drink too much and I get especially anxious when I go out and have a drink rather than staying in. I'm just trying to keep at it and not avoid it, but at the same time not drink too much.
I agree with most of what has been posted. I find that people who have never experienced these things don't really understand (even though, like Maggie, my boyfriend says he does and I know he tries to). I find myself now drawn to people who have had these problems because it's easy to relate to them.
I like going to my therapist because she is one of the few people I feel like I can really talk to about this without feeling like defective.
When my anxiety got bad I started getting muscle spasms all day. Once I had a couple of calm days they went away again. I think it's normal in an anxious state.
I've been doing well but the last week or so I've been depressed and anxious again. Not panicky bad like before, but it's definitely a setback. The hardest time is at night.
Physically I have chest tightness, digestive distress, feeling hot, and headaches. Mentally I just feel like nothing is right. I've been thinking about how scary death is and having more existential angst than usual. I feel on the verge of tears a lot and discouraged. Having a therapist there for me helps, but it's still hard. I know that I've felt bad before and it got better so I'm just trying to remember that and also remember that it's okay to be down sometimes.
I'm mostly just venting. I had been feeling very normal and it's tough to be feeling bad again.
I think it's probably because I'm going through a lot of changes right now. I'm finding myself having a lot of negative thoughts (it's good that I'm aware of them now because then I can challenge them).
It isn't too bad because I do have all these resources and tools from the last time I was feeling bad and also since working with a therapist my panic doesn't escalate the way it used to.
Thanks Davit. I've been trying to talk about it with my boyfriend and family but that causes me some guilt because I feel like I'm bringing them down. I actually specifically asked my dad if it brings him down when I talk about feeling depressed and he said that it did because he worries, and I know it brings my boyfriend down too. So now I'm feeling a bit guilty on top of everything.
Lately I've been more preoccupied than ever about death. I can't get it out of my mind. I'm terrified of the prospect and it's really distressing me. I've though of it before but never to this degree for this long of a period.
I'm not sure if this is a product of my anxiety and depression or if it is causing some of it. I'm 23 and I know people think that's too young to have these worries but I just can't seem to get over it. I'm hoping when I start to feel better and then these thoughts will go away again.
I have done the section on worry but I will revisit it. Thanks for your input.
David,
OCD is possible; I do feel like I'm obsessing on these thoughts and most people would think about it and then resume what's normal for them but I'm stuck torturing myself with this.
I know my therapist thinks and I've read in other sources that it will help to accept the thoughts and not fight them, and accept the fear of death. I try to do this but I'm not sure if I'm actually succeeding yet. I guess I just find it difficult to accept it even if it is inevitable. I do think, like you mentioned, it might be popping up because I am struggling with the anxiety and depression right now. I just keep reminding myself that I was fine before and I'll be fine again.
Hugs,
I am making some pretty big decisions right now that are going to affect my life in a big way. I think I'm struggling with this. I grow used to things the way they are even if I don't necessarily like them and change is hard for me. Buddhists think that we suffer because we grow attached to people and other things. I get extremely attached to the people I love but also to the way things are. I think this does cause me a lot of distress when things change or at the thought of losing people.
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