Welcome to the community, here you will find a lot of very caring people who will be your cheering section in both good times and bad. As for the intrusive scary thoughts, no your not alone on that matter. I don't watch TV or listen to the news anymore in case there is something that would upset me. I too had & still occasionally have these very distressing thoughts and I think to myself what is wrong with you, you must be a bad person. Heck I can't even watch a cartoon like Bambi, if Bambi gets hurt I can't take it. I am the kind that if a fly is in our house I will not kill it instead I put it in a container and take it outside. So I know exactly where you are coming from, what's so disturbing is I would never harm anyone or anything & that's why these thoughts frighten the wits out of me. I too have thoughts of ending up in a psych ward, but you know what I have bee battling Panic Disorder, Depression and now Generalized Anxiety Disorder all without meds for over 2 years now. I am now attending college and hopefully will re-enter the work force someday.
One thing to keep in mind & it's something just came to me very clearly one day ( I guess it's whats referred to as an aha moment) to me in going to college. I am much more than the disorders, I am capable of so much more. As for being lightheaded I'm in that club too, the way I explain it to myself is my brain is on overload. I am taking a relaxation class and there is scientific proof that by breathing diaphragmaticly
that more oxygen gets to the brain & we think clearer. I am making it a practice every night to do progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing for at least 15 minutes before going to bed & you know what my head does feel clearer. You might want to give it a try, hey I finally did.
Thanks for your response, I guess looking back about the only thing I could have done was to try and let all the upsets not get to me, let them go. Having said that I have never - well I shouldn't say never there was a very brief period in my life in 2002 after being in a severe depression where I was able to let things go. Boy remembering back it was such a liberating feeling, nothing seemed to bother me, it just slid off my back. I was more at ease with myself, more confident and outgoing. It really was a good time, trouble is it didn't last and I resorted back into my old ways of low self-esteem and not being able to let go. I know this is one part of me that requires a lot of work.
I remember exactly why, it's because I felt accepted as part of the group. I had a strong sense of belonging, I was at ease with myself. It wasn't that I was aware of my negative thoughts more or challenging them.
For I think the first time in my life I was comfortable with myself, the sense of belonging it was an amazing feeling. One which I would like to get back but don't know how to.
Right now I feel kinda strange shall we say, the only way I can describe it is sort of punchy, lightheaded.
Just wanted to let everyone know my group process class went very well today. I was in the group that we now affectionately call - the people who don't like to be in a group - group. Hey the name works for us.
We all have one thing in common and that's we don't like working in groups and hey we have a lot more similarities. Now if we can all stay in our non-group all semester things will be a lot more tolerable.
Welcome to the group, here you will find a lot of very caring people who will be your on-line cheering section in good and bad times.
I guess the one thing that pops into my mind is would it be possible for you to find another doctor? A 10 minute policy to me is unreal, my doctor who is on leave right now is more like a friend . I can talk to her about anything, It really helps having a doctor who understands and doesn't limit your time with them.
I have thought about it & one thing that pops to mind is that I felt accepted with the people I worked with at that time, I felt like I belonged. As for relating that to today, no can do. I'm in with people who have issues ranging from Schizophrenics, addicts to people with depression.
As for giving up well quite a few days I feel like that, tonight I just felt terrified and panicky. You never know the minute, you think you are doing ok and then wham.
I just don't know anymore & I'm fed up battling these disorders.
Thanks very much for your information and glad to hear the book has changed your life. I am planning to buy the book if I can. I did check a couple of websites and they said the book was out of print right now as it was being up-dated.
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