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Now is the Time!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

I had a fair amount of anxiety today. I thought I was in deep poop with my boss, who as I've said before is a man I look up to and I see as a mentor. Whew! Thank goodness for the 10 questions! I was able to keep from freaking out until I knew what the facts were. Instead it turned out to be a great day!

I got to go out in the field to do some work. I love field work, especially in good weather. The sun on my face made me very happy today. It's amazing how something so simply as the sun on your face can just make your whole day.

The anxiety came back when I got home, because of the loneliness. But then I read Vincenza's post and that picked me up a bit. Thank you!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hello,

Interesting discussion going on! It is definitely a challenge to find the balance in our daily life that works for us. I came across this quote recently: "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day".

What is the 'something good' that you have found in your day? How did it help you achieve balance?

Vincenza, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi - m: I'm joining your dance! Make room for me too. lol

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

~m !!

Good for you! Now this is real progress!! This Mother & Grandma is dancing right along with you!!!

Your Friend,

Red.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Thank you all for your thoughtful feedback on finding this balance in life. Your comments and circumstances helped me to calm down and regroup in a healthier way for all concerned. The first thing I learned (remembered) was that gratitude is the best pill for bringing about a change in attitude. Yesterday it really helped to calm my resentment. And, Sunny, you helped me to realize that those mixed feelings where our children are concerned are pretty common... normal even! Just hearing how other members struggle with finding the balance was so helpful... kinda like your sharing gave me "permission" to have this struggle. To acknowledge it and work through.... so thank you, thank you!

When my daughter came to pick up the baby, she asked me if I would take both kids over night on Thursday and Friday. Instead of feeling utter despair at her request, I had a good internal chuckle and thought... "Nothing like an exposure opportunity to pop up just when you need it!" I took a deep breath and said no. There was some drama over that, but later she called and offered a compromise.... Would I watch the kids at night if I could have off Thursday and Friday during the day. I agreed. Along the lines of what you all were saying, the best part is that I not only agreed, but feel really happy about the arrangement!

Amazing! The miracles that are wrought here in this place ... are truly awe inspiring! I'm doing another little happy dance

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Cdn. Guy: Yes, I agree with your reasoning. We want people to like us, etc. It's like all things in life, fining the balance that suits you the best and not feeling guilty about it. Taking care of ourselves so we can take care of other things, people. Never easy this balancing act, some days it goes more one way than the other. As long as we take some time off for ourselves after one of those heavy days/period of time, we should be o.k.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Good conversation. It's making me think about how I deal with situations like this and how my fear of saying no creates more issues for me.

I wonder where the fear of saying no is rooted.

Is it in a lack of self-esteem? Do I want people to like me so much that I'm scared if I say no, they won't like me anymore?

Is it in fear of retribution? Do I think that someone might be physically or verbally abusive if I say no? What past experience would make me think that?

Is it a fear that if we say no once or twice that the other person will never help us? Again, what makes us think that? Was it someone in our past that bullied us like this?

For me, it's a combination of all of those things, and maybe a few more I haven't thought of. Unfortunately, a lot of that kind of bullying came from my own family. Why does family feel that they can treat us that way? Strangers wouldn't treat us that way.

So I guess I have to remember that when I'm dealing with someone, who isn't one of my family members, that chances are it's not really that big a deal to them. They'll probably just accept it if you have to say no every now and again. My experience has been that most people understand because they can't say yes to everything either! My experience also tells me that most people like me for who I am, not what they can get me to do.

Yet it is VERY tough to replace the first 18 years or so of our life learning even after another 18 years or more of life learning that shows some of what we learned to be flat out wrong. Hang in there, it'll come.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

The emotion you feel most frequently, or the average gut feeling you have, is probably the right one. Sometimes I try to think of what the epitaph should be on my tombstone, or what the eulogy should read.

We’re making sacrifices and the decisions we make are guided by our communities and hopefully, spirits at peace...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi -m: Haha, now I know what that little squiggly line means. I can't find it on my keyboard....tech challenged. As for your ranting, don't apologize. I think it's great we can do that here and get it off our chest. You made some very valid points. Another thing I try and figure out is if I am enabling them by saying "yes" all the time. I try and figure out which things I can say yes to and which ones aren't as important and they can do it themselves if I am too tired or busy. I did say no to my daughter once for watching over her child and she was very angry with me. I sincerely thought she should bring her child with her on that occasion and she didn't agree. But you know what? It passed. My fear of rejection (by saying no) passed too. The world didn't end afterall. lol. It's not easy. Luckily my children don't take advantage, though of course, we want to give them as much as we can because we love them. That balance is tricky at times, just remember if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to do for anybody.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I think your first post is right, there had to be a reason for you to feel so strongly. I'm also sure you will come up with an answer. Some times a little pain is worth the pleasure. (like the hot chocolate I had that is going to give me a head ache.)

If it is just the anxiety the exposure will be good for you, tiring as it is. But if not, well if I remember teachers are well paid your daughter should be able to afford to take some of the load off of you. Does she even realize what a load you have? I have the feeling you have always come through so the thought is you always will. But you do have a right to some "You time."

Enjoy that child, it is such a precious gift and I envy you.

Here for you,

Davit.

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