EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Anxiety
Introduce Yourself!
Hello, My name is Senses....

Advanced Search Form

Hello, My name is Senses....

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Sammy,

Welcome to our support community and thank you for sharing your experiences.

It is definitely a good idea to consult with your doctor about your medication especially since it does not seem to be helping you. You may also want to request that some blood work and neurological testing be done to determine why you are feeling dizzy and numb in the face.

Senses has provided wonderful insight and advice while making progress as well.

Do start working through the program here and browsing through the forums so that you can feel more encouraged and supported. Post often and let us know how you are doing.

Faryal, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Hello Sammy, nice to meet you. I am new too, as you might have guessed, not just to this forum but also to the whole concept of talking about my problems. I think in the beginning I only tried to avoid situations, but as time went by, I found that it was other people causing the situations and so I began to just avoid them as well. I haven't dated in many many years and even though I am friendly to people, and call a few rare people "friends," I have been keeping them arms length for a long time. If it weren't for my pushy family I'd probably have just become a hermit alltogether to avoid the stress that other people cause me.

That being said, what I realize now is that I can adjust and readjust my life over and over to suit this disease, but I'm only fooling myself. The panic will morph and change and always find new ways to pester me even if I'm sitting on the middle of a deserted island with noone else around. It doesn't work logically, or thoughtfully, it is simply an irrational method of torturing myself that my brain seems to enjoy.

So I realize that everyone is always extremely helpfull here, and they like to point out that this problem is fixable and that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm not focused on that light yet. I don't want to cure the whole problem right now because I'm not even sure who I am without my panic attacks anymore. For 18 years I've lived in this dark cave of my own mind and rather than jump out of the cave kicking in screaming, I think maybe I can just take a single babystep today and that will lead to a bigger step tommorow.

So just for today, when your inside your house, with the windows drawn and your feeling nervous and scared, maybe just for one minute decide "I'm not going to be scared this whole minute." I don't for a second pretend to know how to help you, because for the most part, I can't even help myself, but yesterday I went in to work saying over and over again, "I can do anything, I'm not scared," and it was a pretty good day for me. Today I did the same thing, and again, it was a pretty good day for me. For the first time I actually called and scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist, and though I'm not sure I'll keep the appointment, it was at least a third step in 3 days. Maybe I'm finally seeing some of that light they are talking about.

I hope you find a little comfort today Sammy.

-Senses

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

hello senses ,i am a mum of two and 30 my name is sam and i wondered if we could chat,i have just joined this group,i feel like i am at the end of my life with gad which is what i have been told i have ,i feel anxious most days all day until i am asleep i am on venlafaxine 200mg each day and i dont think it works as i still feel so bad ,i have been on these for a long time now,before i took varoius meds none of which worked,i am considering coming off them with docs advice first as they are doing me no good ,i have severe anxiety i rarely go outside now,i hate people coming to my house so try to avoid it,i cry alot ,i am scared to drive now in fear of panic ,i feel like there is something wrong with me because how can i feel so bad all day long ,i have had counselling and seen various psychiatrists and cbt and still i am suffering in silence ,i do not socialise anymore and keep people at arms legnth ,distraction doesnt work for me as i am so overwhelmed by consuming panic most of the time ,i get lightheaded ,dizzy,headaches,nausea sometimes but mainly i feel like i have something in my head that wont go away i get numbness in my face most of the time and just feel like i am going to collapse .i have trouble swallowing and seem to take in gulps of air when i start to panic .can anyone help me ?please sam xx

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

Senses, never apologize for writing your thoughts in this forum. That is what it is here for and i am sure people will read what you have wrote and not feel alone in their feelings.

You have a very interesting train of thought and this self analysis will help you come to important realizations about your panic. You say some days you feel strong and other days you are more susceptible to panic. This is interesting. I think you would benefit by creating a thought journal. You need to become aware of your thought processes before you can change them. Simply write down how you are feeling, your anxiety level (between one and ten) and what thoughts are in your mind. Try to be as detailed as possible. You might notice trends when reviewing your journal. Perhaps the days where you feel strong were preceded by more positive thoughts then the days where you feel less confident in dealing with panic. It would be a great exercise to try. Possibly another goal to accomplish on your way to achieving your ultimate goal of leading the normal life you want.

I know right now it seems like it would be easier to isolate yourself and just hide but in the end it would make your situation even harder. People need people and the more you separate yourself from them the harder it will be to be social again. It is best that you address your panic now. With hard work and strength you can get a handle on this. I know it seems impossible but it is not. I have meet fully functional people, giving presentations at their jobs, talking with large groups, managing businesses; these people had panic and agoraphobia prior to their success. One woman I know at one point was afraid to leave her home and rarely left unless absolutely necessary. She had no friends and lived alone. She now is a very successful woman with many friends living the good life. That can be you. That will be you.

Keep posting. We will get through this together.

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Today was a good day as days go. I tried all day to keep empowering myself with my thoughts rather weakening myself and I was determined to not avoid any fearfull situations. I was never really challenged though, so its hard to say if I could've stood up to the fear or not. Its hard for me to gain any great confidence though, because I have done this before on my own. I don't know if its just me, or everyone, but there are just somedays when I wake up feeling mentally strong and know I can keep all the fear at bay, and then there are those days when I feel weak and the slightest tingling sensation sets me off.

I have always wondered, why is it that I have these almost "outer body" experiences when I panic? Is there something actually going on in my brain that makes me just feel like I'm not the one in command of my own ship? I know its completely irrational, but panic is too so I'll just wonder out loud my thoughts on it. Sometimes I feel like I'm a nervousness sponge. People constantly tell me that they are happy when I'm around because I make them feel at ease even though I'm dying inside. Also, because of my own years of dealing with fear and panic I swear I can read it on the faces and in the eyes of friends and strangers. I know when they are freaking out, or when they are losing control. I'm sure like all of this, its just in my mind, but sometimes I think the best situation of all for me would just be to live completely away from people on a deserted island or outer space.

Anyways, I don't mean to treat this like some diary, but I have never really talked about most of these thoughts and I find it spilling out here alot. To answer your questions, my goals are pretty much what my Birthday wish was yesterday when I blew out my candles. I want to be normal, or at least as normal as I am capable of being. I want to be able to participate in life and not just feel like a bug on the windshield of everyone elses life, looking in.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

You're right joining this program is a very good first step. I am glad you are starting the program. Keep working at it.

That letter you wrote to your friend is also a very big deal. It must have felt nice to have understanding. I know it is tough to talk about your panic but its very good thing what you did. You should feel very proud of yourself, telling a friend is not an easy thing to do. It takes courage.

What will your next few goals be?

Keep posting! You are off to a great start.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Thankyou for the warm welcome.

The first session already taught me that I have agorophobia and not just panic disorder. I always thought agorophobia was just fear of big open spaces, I dont think I understood the social aspect of it all. I guess that kind illustrates the fact that I never sought help before. I want to though, I just dont know where to start. I don't have insurance or alot of money and even though I'd pay a million dollars right now for a pill that would instantly solve my problems, I don't want to needlessly throw cash at things that won't work.

I kind of think of joining this site as the first step, and to try to maybe take a second step, I recently wrote an email to an old friend that I have kept up with over the years, but constantly kept at arms length over the last 15 years. I told him what had been wrong, and why I was the way I was, and that I was sorry I had missed so much of his and others lives while trying to shield myself from my own misery. I always knew he'd be cool about it, but I guess I felt like this was my weakness to keep to myself and I didn't want to burden him.

To my surprise he says he never knew. All these years and he just assumed I was just a loner and didn't enjoy going out. He wishes I told him sooner, and I guess I do to. We had a long discussion and he wants to help, and maybe he can, but even if he doesn't it really felt good to not have to spend hours thinking up excuses why I can't do something. Certainly I don't want to tell everyone I know, but at least today, it felt good to just tell one person and have them understand.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

Welcome senses,

You have come to the right place. What you are writing is very similar to what others have said on the forums and many of them have learned how to cope. Know that panic can be controlled and you can go on to lead a very normal life. You have already made a very important first step, joining this program. Now you should start working your way through the sessions. You will find them to be very helpful. You will learn that you can change your thought processes and prevent panic from occurring. It takes time and energy but it is very possible.

Have you discussed any of this with a counselor? If not have you ever considered it?

Keep posting!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

I purposely avoided reading anyone else's introduction, or story before I posted my own because as much as I desperately want help I don't want this introduction at least to be swayed by what I read from others. I have been suffering since I was 18 years old and I had my first surprise panic attack in a Miami Subs drive thru and by my calculations, I have now had panic disorder longer than I ever had not had it. It started easily enough, and somewhat predictable. The first few attacks were so physical that I almost thought I was dying but much like now, I really didn't know who to reach out or tell, so I dealt. I began shaping my life around the problem, avoiding situations where I was likely to freak out. My friends saw me becoming distant and it was easier to just let them believe I had become some kind of ******* than try to explain that I was just "scared."

All along I had a pretty healthy understanding of what was wrong, I am not uneducated by any means. To this day I know I'm not going to die, and yet the fear...of fear is so overwhelming at times that I'd rather just really be dying. All my symptons basically boil down to this, I am socially claustrophobic. I hate being trapped into social situations where I can't simply run away or get out. This includes, being in a car with other people, speaking in front of a group of people, or even having lengthy conversations with people. There are probably a million other situations and oddly enough, my body always seems to recognize them and start freaking out before my mind even really realizes I'm trapped again. I recently started cutting my own hair because I can't sit in the barber's chair without freaking out.

The truth is, if I was able, I would continue to just adjust and readjust my life to suit the condition, but of late I see that no matter how much I trick myself into being comfortable, I will simply find new ways of scaring myself. My job, underwhelmingly enough, is waiting tables, and I think that despite my intelligence I stuck there because it gave me the flexibility to move around during the day and the ability to get out quick if needed. Lately though, even that is becoming rough, as more and more responsibilities are handed my way.

I have to find help. I'm just so tired...most of all, just very very tired of spending my life climbing up this hill. I have never really discussed this with anyone, I push away most people, but hopefully this one bit of writing will begin to help.

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

Hello, My name is Senses....