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Where do I begin?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Thanks!

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

You have a great list, Steve! I can identify with not liking harsh judgement and sensitivity to criticism and I think a lot of people can relate. Keep up the great work!

Shari

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Thanks for your reply, Davit. It's not my first job. I understand the need for criticism. I just have a hard time not taking it personally, especially when it's unexpected or unsolicited. Your saying about bosses is certainly true. I agree with it for most situations. However, on the rare occasion when the boss is a tyrant or completely incompetent is when I have trouble. It hasn't happened often for me, but the 1 or 2 occasions in which I had worked for such people have certianly put my guard up when dealing with all people of authority. Hence, my need for CBT exposure in this are = )

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Steve

Will this be your first job? If it is you will most certainly get criticism. It isn't anything personal it is teaching. It becomes personal if you continue to make the same mistakes. There is a saying, " the boss may not always be right but they are still the boss".

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Well, I am currently looking for a full-time job, so I thought working on aversion to authority figures or people in power might be a good start since they'd be the ones hiring me. This translates to my goal of "befriending someone in a position of power or authority". I'm thinking along the lines of a high level administrator like a principal in a school or a CEO of a small company.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Nice work Steve.

So what will your first goal be? Where will you get started?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

So, thanks to everyone's insights I decided to reorganize and categorize my list into the root-fears behind each avoidance (please see below). It was very enlightening and food for thought. It looks like my most maladaptive behaviors and "biggest" problem is my fear of harsh judgement and sensitivity to criticism. So, I am going to start with the things on that list, first for my exposure experiments. I'll keep you all posted as to the specifics. I appreciate all the feedback. Thank you so much!

~Steve

FEAR OF HARSH JUDGMENT/SENSITIVITY TO CRITICISM

* Christmas decorating
* Dancing (especially ballroom/partner dancing)
* Pretty/attractive women
* Authority figures (people in positions of power)
* Parties, social groups (when by myself)
* Adults in social situations (i.e. parties… when by myself)
* Men in social situations/parties (outside of my fraternity)
* Staying in one job for longer than a year (on average)
* Talking about sensitive subjects (e.g. relationships, conflict)
* Conflict/confrontation
* Parties (when accompanied by someone)
* Adults in social situations (i.e. parties… when accompanied by someone)
* Kids (when having to care for them)
* Family members
* Social/group events for someone else’s benefit (ex-spouse’s work parties, etc.)
* Work/projects in which I might mess up (painting, do-it-yourself projects with home or car, extra/high-profile projects at work)
* Job applications
* Interviews
* Any situation in which I may be “rejected”
* Public speaking

FEAR OF INJURY, ILLNESS, OR NOT FEELING SAFE

* Wooded areas/long grass/brush
* Poison Ivy or anywhere it might grow
* Ticks
* Spiders
* People with mental-health issues (developmentally disabled, autistic, bi-polar, etc.)
* Touching or dealing with (in any way) anything that might have germs (toilets, raw meat, chewed gum, dirty diapers, etc.)

FEAR OF PHYSICAL DISCOMFORT

* Beaches
* Sand (anywhere… sandboxes, beaches, etc.)
* Pools
* Sun

FEAR OF FEELING OVERWHELMED

* Multi-tasking
* Tasks that seem too overwhelming or too “long-term”

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Thanks, loves trees! Your comment reminds me of something I learned about Benjamin Franklin. I am leaving out some details, but he basically made a list of things about himself he wanted to improve. He tackled each item, one-at-a-time. He found and wrote that as he got in the habit of self-improvement the items further down his list became easier to manage, and some he didn't have to even address... they seemingly resolved themselves. It sounds like exposure experiments work in the same way. Thanks for the insight, loves trees!

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Steve. I think it is great that you were willing to share your list because I think a lot of people can relate to having a lot of different things that cause them anxiety. What I have experienced with CBT is a snowball effect in that once you tackle on item on the list, tackling the next one is easier.

This relates to the core belief s. Its a process of chipping away at the negative core belief and replacing it with a positive one. You are doing great work.

Also my experience with tackling an item on my list is that afterwards I truly have learned some valuable things about myself.I can't think of a good example right now but when I do I will post.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Thanks, Shari!

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