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Venting

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

furgittit, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I know how difficult it is to find out a loved one has a terminal and untreatable illness. Dad's illness has a genetic marker and they did the test, I didn't want to know. I think it is a good idea to have your father make his own arrangements. Here in US (my profile says Canada, but I ain't there), can go to funeral home and tell them and they keep the record until the time comes. The hardest thing, besides telling my grandmother her son had days to live, was make arrangements for my mom's funeral. I told dad, I dont' want to ever do that again and he said well, just do the same thing ya did for her. And we did. hang in there, be strong and let us know how things are going.

Sorry also to hear about your recent illness. Glad you are doing better.

I think maybe your dad needs to relent on telling at least his attorney, as that does seem to be pertinent to clear up that matter without "her" knowing. Just an opinion.

Hang in there and know we are there for you if you need us.

On a more casual note:

Have you ever watched the Red Green Show, I understand it's filmed in Canada somewhere? It is the funniest show and uses duct tape for everything - try to catch it or google it - if you've not seen it. It comes on here and I watch it when I can.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Hi everyone,

Just letting everyone know that the bottom fell out. Not too terribly bad, I am currently using duct tape (I am Canadian and proud of it, the myths are all true Mythbusters just proved the lifting the car by using duct tape) to hold it together. 3 of us at home with the "Flu" doc figures it was H1N1 because I had the regular flu shot. So we had to stay home and be sick together which was kind of fun, in a sick way. My cat and dog were sick with a bug, so more mess to clean up and my dad was diagnosed with Polycistic Kidney Disease, which he has asked me to not tell anyone (especially gramma). Needless to say it is a genetic thing, so I get to have more testing done. It is a fatal disease and he won't be going through dialysis or transplant. His decision and now I have to figure out what the repercussions are. There is so much that needs to be completed before the end for him and I can't even tell his lawyer (my boss) to hurry things up and push the ex-wife to finish the property issues. Then there are the arrangements (he is going to have to do this himself because I don't want to do it). But I will have to prepare the list so it gets done.

So in the meantime, my dad is thinking about taking a job out-of-country. Not sure how he will manage that, but he isn't too sick right now but that will come.

On and on and on we go.

Thanks guys and gals.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Furgittit,

Thanks for the update, we always appreciate hearing about you. That is great that you've had two weeks of being calm, you deserve it. Do continue to check in when you get the chance.

We are always here to listen!

Samantha, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Two weeks of being calm. This is a nice feeling. Just waiting for the bottom to drop out though. I know I shouldn't look for the negative, but after so many years of one good thing happening and then a million terrible things happening, it is a very hard habit to break.

I am still trying to find a program to help me work through my BPD, I am just scared that I will be treated by the new people the same way I have been treated by my other Mental Health Care professionals. But this time, I will demand answers and get as much information so I can make an informed decision instead of allowing myself to be bullied and intimidated into believing that this is the only way to help fix the problem. It appears that there is a promising program at a hospital on the opposite end of town from me and I would get to see a therapist once a week and then go for skills training once a week. The downside to this is that I need a referral from a Pdoc at that hospital. I don't want to hurt myself just to get into the program, so I called and left a message to get more information and to see if there is another way to get into the DBT program. I have place a few other calls to other agencies and am just waiting for responses.

It is completely wierd doing this while I am calm, usually I only look for help when I am in one of my more, how shall we say, crazy, desperate states.

Thanks for listening. I have been reviewing other posts when they come up, but it seems others seem to cover anything helpful I may add so keep up the good work.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

furgitit, I'm glad you've found that place that makes you calm. It makes things so much easier to handle as they occur. Remember that calm place and always look for the road that leads back there!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Hello everyone, and thank you for your posts.

Today, I feel a calm and after 4 days of thinking and pondering (and vomitting) I have come to the conclusion that there is too much chaos in my life and I have to figure out how to make things manageable. I have decided that the evening group program is not for me, as it creates even more chaos, I will not be participating in the study as it creates more anxiety. I have decided to focus on myself and my family, even if it means not doing what the powers might be dictate. I have to take small steps and make my own decisions, instead of being the good little girl that everyone wants me to be.

I am strangely clear in my thinking and not stressed as to how I am going to manage. I am going to work the Depression Center program from start to finish. This time, I am going to take my time and do things on my own schedule, instead of rushing to get it done. I am going to take time for myself and just be. I am going to take time to enjoy my family and just hug them or hang out with them and just let everything else wait. I am going to make lists and follow them, in my own time. If I am not comfortable doing something, then I will try again later. Total immersion is not the way for me to go, one step at a time, one day at a time and I will be able to manage my emotions and crises when they come.

I will post often and before I completely freak out, I will contemplate just what it is I am feeling and why I am feeling that way.

There, crazy, calm (at peace with what it is I need to do) is a new feeling.

Love you guys.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11221

You are very right Grumbles. There are a lot off ethical guidelines that researchers have to follow.

Normally if it is considered unethical the study does not take place. Sometimes the participants need to be made aware of the risks and then be compensated for their participation. When it comes to withholding information from a participant this may take place if it is considered necessary for the study but even then the benefits of doing this have to outweigh the ethical concern of withholding information. It takes a panel to decide if a study is ethical.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 125

Hi Furgititt!

Nice to read from you! How are you doing today how is the "research" going?

I wouldn't worry too much about alterior motives. Researchers need to jump through a lot of hoops to insure that a study is ethical. Thank goodness we have rights!

But I can understand ur concern. Let us know! I'm always here reading...

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Hello everyone,

Well I worked up the courage to ask for an anxiolytic and was told to wait until rounds on Thursday. So no means no, so no problem, I won't ask again. I did this after I was asked to particpate in a research study by my therapist. I figured kill two birds with one stone. Now I am wondering if the only reason why I was asked to participate in this research study was to ensure my attendance at the group.... I spoke with the guy from the research program and he told me very little about the study, I have to see him on Friday to get all of the information. I asked him if I would have to speak with the "Interrogator" and apparently the Interrogator takes care of the second interview. I told "guy" to forget it because I will not deal with the Interrogator, he then became frazzled and stuttered and said they could get someone else to deal with me for the interview. So I go on Friday to find out more about the study.

My paranoid thinking makes me think there are ulterior motives that no-one wishes to explain to me. A lie of omission is still a lie and the person lieing is not to be trusted.

Round and round and round we go where we stop nobody knows...................

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi Furgitit:

I AGREE whole heartedly. I have been diagnosed with BPD traits.

Whatever that means, and I am struggling with another diagnois,\

that I wonder if I have. I must b/c NO therapist will want to work

with me because I am complicated. This is not fair to the people

who are hurting. and NO this is NOT a cognitive distortion.

Good bye

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