Hi Ava
Every single humiliating moment I've ever experienced (and there have been several -- some real and some just my interpretation) is burned into my memory, and I can still feel the sting and misery when I think about them. I don't normally mull on them, but when I do something silly or foolish they all come flying in as evidence of what a hopeless idiot I am. It's one reason that I've isolated myself as much as I have -- I'm afraid of embarrassing myself, and of others laughing at me and thinking less of me.
Intellectually I know this is nonsense, but feelings aren't necessarily intelligent, are they?
I'm learning to think differently, though, because of my daughter. She seems to have inherited or picked up my perfectionism, and gets terribly frustrated and embarrassed when she makes a slip of any sort -- particularly in front of her friends, of course. One of my many examples of parent-child reciprocal learning, my job is to teach her how to maintain perspective in embarrassing situations and to be able to laugh at herself. And to be assertive and true to herself if the situation goes too far. ??!!?!?!!
(I interpret this as the energy of the universe insisting that these are things I need to learn in this lifetime, and since I've not managed to do it on my own they've sent me children to raise and love so much that I will finally force myself to figure this stuff out for their sakes!)
It's bemusing for me to watch her, as it's so easy from the outside to see how tough and unfair she is being to herself. I suppose my question to you, Ava, would be: if someone else had been the "most foolish" victim of the prank, what would you think of that person? Would you think them a fool and idiot for falling for such an obvious prank? Or would you even think much about the person at all, beyond perhaps feeling a bit sorry that it had to happen to them and checking to make sure they weren't hurt at all? Would you be thinking more about what a good, clever prank it had been, and about the person who set it up? It's hard to come up with a clever, clean and reasonably harmless prank!
I don't think that anybody enjoys falling for a prank. But it happens. And after it happens, hindsight is glaringly 20-20 and the set up is so very obvious. We're human, though, and can't always be watching for the possibility of being "got". Allow yourself to be human, Ava.
My daughter is becoming much better at holding realistic expectations of herself, forgiving herself, and seeing the funny side of herself, humanity, and life in general. I'm still working on it (old dog, new trick), but it is helping me immensely to help my daughter and see her transform.
Smile, Ava. There are so many more truly idiotic things you are going to do in your life (because you're human!) -- save your self-loathing until you may actually deserve it :)