wildcat, sylvia: Thanks for the sage advice. I don't know if I have anxiety, maybe I should take a closer look at that. I will definitely take the advice about staying distracted, or focused on something else, as much as I can. Thankfully I have lots to be busy with so maybe the time and distance thing will work. I really appreciate being able to come here to talk about this. Ava

hi ava, do you have a bit of anxiety... often depression and anxiety go hand and hand. which might explain a bit of the going over and over and the feelings that everyone is laughing at your expense. I have had this kind of thing happen and usually I can smile and wallow in the negative feelings in silence for a month... I know I am not the most perfect but that is me... and I am lucky to be surrounded by a team that respects me - So when I mention that I am exhausted / stressed and can't handle it one day... they back off. ava, unfortunately time is what puts distance between you and that feeling. You can help the process by thinking about all the good things that others mentioned to you... a pretty necklace, a good job, appreciating your support,... it forces your mind to go against that negative flow of thoughts. You can keep busy with work, puzzles, games, so that you focus less on the negative thought. you can give yourself permission to feel lousy one evening -cry, rage, scream, and move past it - sort of get it out of your system (hey that's what we all are here for!!!) and remember that if the others knew how you left it would not be funny. It is only humerous because all believe they are laughing WITH you.

Ava, Don't be too hard on yourself. It's not fun being made fun of, but unfortunatly, it happends. In time, no one will even remeber. Keep your mind occupied with positive thoughts and memories, this may help get your through this tough time. Keep your head up high, Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

Confused: Thanks for the supportive words, I am certainly trying to get the right distance on it, but I am not having much success. It's not just that I made a goof of myself, I am certainly used to doing that and have just gotten to accept it and move it. It's that someone set me up, and used my trust in them to do it. When you're already inclined to avoidance, it makes it doubly hard to trust people. And the idea that someone, perhaps many people, really take pleasure in seeing others humiliated, that just makes me doubly cautious. Even if it's one day a year, that inclination, to enjoy someone else's embarrassment, must always be there. And I see myself as someone that would be easily the focus of ridicule given the opportunity. Had I seen someone else in this situation I think I would have been equally troubled. I was often the butt of jokes in high school because I was different. Ever since then I find the whole thing very threatening whether I am the focus or not. It just makes me want to withdraw and hide. Right now I am just really concerned about the after-effects of the gag, when people will want to remind you of how foolish you were, or tell you they heard about you, etc. etc. All these new people want a laugh at my expense too. I wish I had the poise it sounds like your daughter is developing, but I seem to be heading in the opposite direction. My skin gets thinner and thinner, and I realise that the whole thing is so trivial that I have no right to make such a big deal of it. I've been typing and deleting all sorts of things, mainly about what an idiot I am. I feel like I should be apologising, but I don't know who I can apologise too. So I'll say sorry here, because I do realise it's a silly thing to get in knots over. I realise it, but I am still in knots. Sorry, again. Ava

Hi Ava Every single humiliating moment I've ever experienced (and there have been several -- some real and some just my interpretation) is burned into my memory, and I can still feel the sting and misery when I think about them. I don't normally mull on them, but when I do something silly or foolish they all come flying in as evidence of what a hopeless idiot I am. It's one reason that I've isolated myself as much as I have -- I'm afraid of embarrassing myself, and of others laughing at me and thinking less of me. Intellectually I know this is nonsense, but feelings aren't necessarily intelligent, are they? I'm learning to think differently, though, because of my daughter. She seems to have inherited or picked up my perfectionism, and gets terribly frustrated and embarrassed when she makes a slip of any sort -- particularly in front of her friends, of course. One of my many examples of parent-child reciprocal learning, my job is to teach her how to maintain perspective in embarrassing situations and to be able to laugh at herself. And to be assertive and true to herself if the situation goes too far. ??!!?!?!! (I interpret this as the energy of the universe insisting that these are things I need to learn in this lifetime, and since I've not managed to do it on my own they've sent me children to raise and love so much that I will finally force myself to figure this stuff out for their sakes!) It's bemusing for me to watch her, as it's so easy from the outside to see how tough and unfair she is being to herself. I suppose my question to you, Ava, would be: if someone else had been the "most foolish" victim of the prank, what would you think of that person? Would you think them a fool and idiot for falling for such an obvious prank? Or would you even think much about the person at all, beyond perhaps feeling a bit sorry that it had to happen to them and checking to make sure they weren't hurt at all? Would you be thinking more about what a good, clever prank it had been, and about the person who set it up? It's hard to come up with a clever, clean and reasonably harmless prank! I don't think that anybody enjoys falling for a prank. But it happens. And after it happens, hindsight is glaringly 20-20 and the set up is so very obvious. We're human, though, and can't always be watching for the possibility of being "got". Allow yourself to be human, Ava. My daughter is becoming much better at holding realistic expectations of herself, forgiving herself, and seeing the funny side of herself, humanity, and life in general. I'm still working on it (old dog, new trick), but it is helping me immensely to help my daughter and see her transform. Smile, Ava. There are so many more truly idiotic things you are going to do in your life (because you're human!) -- save your self-loathing until you may actually deserve it :)

Ava, Continue to push forward and challenge this. Day by day, step by step, you will persevere :) Josie, Health Educator

I fell for an April Fool's gag someone set up, and I am struggling now with feelings of humiliation. It was a good prank, clever, but in retrospect should have been obvious and I feel completely foolish. Plenty of people saw through it but I didn't. I've tried a thought record and I can't shift my thinking on it because they they can, quite rightly, see me as a fool and people are obviously laughing at me (that's the whole point). A few others were also caught but for various reasons I was the most "foolish" victim of this prank. I am trying to see the good side of this, clearly lots of people enjoy this kind of thing even if they fall victim. I just don't seem to have the kind of sense of humor required to laugh it off, which only makes me feel doubly inadequate. The perpetrator is a really nice individual, clearly out to make some fun for everyone, and most people seem to have enjoyed it quite a bit. When things like this happen I take refuge in self-loathing as the only response that feels comforting. I am just trying to stop it before it gets out of control. Ava