I haven't had a chance to welcome you yet, so welcome :)  I'm glad that coping skill helped.  You also helped me.  You were the support group member I mentioned in my post with the great idea of going to the Library to find social events.  I absolutely love Pal, by the way.  He is adorable and he's lucky he has you :)  I look forward to more of your posts.

Shari

Shari-

Thanks for sharing that coping tool. I found that I often confused myself and had a hard time telling the difference between nervousness and excitement. I realized now that I shouldn't bother trying. I will just tell myself that it is exciting. I'll see how that works for me, because I am always open to something that will turn a negative into a positive! :D

I miss you too Hugs.  I saw your buns, when I posted the other day, and thought they looked really good and wished I could have some with a cup of decaf coffee :)

I went to coffee with Irene this morning and we talked for two hours.  She's bringing me into her social circle and we're planning to do more things together.

Blond's have more fun.  I went to Target and saw Todd the potato chip guy and he dropped his bags of chips when he saw me.  He said he loved my hair and that I looked awesome.  Then he talked to me for 20 minutes and asked where I lived. Another guy, ran back to the front of the store to get me a shopping cart and another helped me get an item down off of the shelf.  It was really a fun morning.  I went from being invisible to being the popular girl at school.  

My stress back pain has left, since I'm more on the side of staying in Maryland.  When I think about being in a tiny room in 

Florida, it makes me wince.  My parents have limited income and so do I, so I'll admit I'm doing a bit of avoidance by not getting down to writing out a budget to see if it's realistic or not for me to go there.  One of the conditions of me coming down to Florida was to find a home for my cat, because their cat hates other cats and they didn't want to put their cat in a room, they want her to have run of the house.  So, I took my cat to a cage free rescue where the cats have large rooms with furniture and they promised to find a great home for her.  Her living quarters are bigger than mine.  My Mom and I have had issues in the past, and her reaction to my cat was extremely negative, so it really made me stop in my tracks about going down there.  When I was there this past summer, she was mellow and a joy, but it seems her old self is popping up and I can't take any additional stress, if I wanted to start a different life down there.  

I'm still searching for things to do.  I'll let you know when I'm involved in something I enjoy.  I just want to wake up excited in the mornings, like a little kid, who is expecting a fun day ahead :)

Shari

Hi Shari!

Great to hear from you! Love the picture

I think it sounds like you are really working on finding the right path yourself. Continuing to focus on positive growth will eventually pay off. Keep us updated on how you're doing.

It's Shari.  As you can see in my Avatar, I have changed my hair color to blond, for the new me.  I'm holding Chiquita, my little black and tan Chihuahua.  I've kept 10 lbs. off and have gained some back, but it's coming off again, so I'm not discouraged.  I wanted to post for a couple of reasons.  One, I found an amazing coping skill that I wanted to share.  Two, I  just wanted to give you an update.  

As we've learned on the site, anxiety has very similar feelings to other things, like exercising.  I read that when you get that "feeling" or adrenaline rush (fight or flight feeling) that your mind then tries to figure out if it is a good feeling of excitement, or if it's an anxiety feeling of danger.  The coping skill is to attach the feeling of excitement to the physical symptoms of arousal, so you shut down the anxiety/panic sequence.  And, I can tell you this works.  Over time you automatically default to, "this is exciting", not "oh no I'm going to panic".  I'll give you a recent example.  I went to get my hair colored and when the stylist came over with the bottle of color, I started feeling high anxiety, because I felt I would be "trapped" for a half hour while the color set and then I'd have to have it washed out and I couldn't escape once she put the product on my hair.  So, I told myself I was just feeling "excited" about having my hair colored and I struck up a conversation with the stylist and my anxiety level instantly dropped from a level 10 to zero.  I'm finding the more I do this, the less anxiety I have.  So, if I can help one person with this coping skill, I just had to share it.

As you know I've been in a dilemma  regarding my marriage and living situation and with hopping back and forth from Florida to Maryland.  Well, I've had clarity and a reality check.  I talked to my lawyer and he said the courts deem emotional abuse as someone who constantly yells at you and berates you and throw things at you on a daily basis.  He told me that my spouse not meeting my basic needs may cause me to suffer emotionally, but the law doesn't count that as grounds for abuse.  So, George is not the problem.  My lawyer said that I should live where I am happy and have the least amount of stress.  So, I discovered the root of the problem lies in the lack of friends and having nothing to do.  So, I have to fix that root cause in order to be happy.  It was the catalyst of me going to Florida.  If I can solve the root cause by finding friends and having things to do, it doesn't matter who I live with or what location I live in, if those needs are met.  There is also another major reality check.  Can I afford to do the social events with new friends in Florida.  I have limited allowance and if I cannot afford to go out and be social, then I am stuck in a small room in isolation.  I think the budget is the deciding factor.  I don't want to ping pong back and forth anymore.  And, I don't want to throw my savings away by going down there, running out of money and having to come back broke and not have money to do things here.  Irene has come back from another month of business trips and she and I met last Friday for coffee and we are meeting again tomorrow.  She and I have a lot in common and this is a good friendship.  She's moving out of the area in two years, but I will enjoy her until then.  My daughter is moving to California in two years also.  I checked in on this site and was interested in two threads, change, and making friends.  I'm going to try the ideas mentioned by one support group member.  I'm also going to look at more meet up groups to see if there are any new groups in my area.  And, I'll start another one, if I have to and leave it up and advertise it longer to have a better chance of getting more people involved in the group.  Last time I got discouraged and deleted the account too soon.  I've also read that quitting too soon is a problem, because you're usually a few feet away from success, when you do that.  I hope everyone has been doing well.  I've really be "cleaning house" regarding my life and what to do with it.  I know no one knows the answers, but me.  I feel I am getting closer and I'm not giving up and I'm not letting my fears keep me from fulfillment.  I'm facing them head on and making decisions based on freedom, not fear.  I'll eventually get to where I am going. This is just a temporary bump in the road.  Keep positive, keep moving forward, keep kicking anxiety in the pants and enjoy your life!  We only go around once.

Love, Shari