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So Afraid to go

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora,

It seems natural that you would feel the way that you do. Perhaps you can think of this: What would you like for your son? Building on what Sunny has suggested - what would you like for your new story to be? That could be something positive to occupy your mind. Instead of focusing on what you don't want - have a vision of what you do want and spend some time ruminating on this. Do you know what I mean?

Wishing you well,

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you for your replies, I just saw now that you wrote me Carmie Sunny and Vincenzia I did not know you posted me.

today I guess I am in a state of shock, its kind of funny, not ha ha funny but ironic funny all last year I thought I was very sick and it was basically just panic depression and health anxiety, now I am really sick, and very scared. I know I am a very bad candidate for surgery, I am not thin, I smoked for years {not much but I still did} and I am a emotional mess, plus the most important fact is what happened to my Mom and I try SO hard not too think that but its there and it happened and I dont want my son to hear what we did at the hospital that day "something bad has happened" the doctor said and it was bad and she died.

I dont want my son to go thru that. My Aunt said I should get a second opinion, that these things can go away with other treatment, also I heard that if after surgery I cough or clear my throat I could damage myself!? and what if my throat starts to bleed after surgery and I am home alone? All these thoughts are terrifying me, my husband is not up to helping me and I have no one else nearby, I do not want to live with no voice and that wheezing from my vocal cords and pain sometimes, but maybe its better just too "live with it" than have risky dangerous surgery, people "live" with things all the time, maybe I can too, right now I just have to put it out of my mind, its driving me crazy, I just dont want too think about it its hurting me.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: I really paid attention to the point Carmie made about making your mother's story, your own. I can see how I myself might have done this in the past about something concerning my mother.

Perhaps you can write a new story, your own story, a successful story. Is it 100% true that it will happen to you? No it isn't because no one can predict the future.

They will be able to keep you calm and quiet. They did for me for my surgery a couple of yrs. ago. My BP was over 200 for a long period of time and because I have asthma, had to have a treatment before surgery. I just wanted to get it over with so I could go home again and be with my dog and read in bed, snug and cozy and pain free. That's the positive thought I held onto at the time. I kept thinking, soon, soon, I'll be home again and relaxing. I kept my faith that the Good Lord would take care of me.

He has answered your prayers D. He is showing you what can help you. He has given you the help you have been praying for. He will take good care of you. He knows you can't do this by yourself, just ask for His help in getting through this.

Keep the faith and believe,

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi Deb,

I'm glad you are able to acknowledge the accomplishment you've made of facing one of your fears! You got through it. You were able to learn more about your health concerns and now you know the next steps you may need to take. It sounds like you don't need to make a decision right away, so let the information digest a bit. I'm truly sorry to hear what your mother went through. Carmie made a good point though, and that is you may have convinced yourself that your fate will be the same as your mother's? Have you explored that connection? Try writing down everything that concerns you about having surgery and look at whether they are illogical or negative thoughts you are having...

Here for you,

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

My Two girls as usual have calmed me down. Thank you. I am sorry about my rant before, so sorry, I did not expect too hear surgery, and even through I try not too think about it My mother died of complications of surgery and I cannot forget that, I always said I would never have surgery unless it was life threatning, are voice poplys that bad? I want to get a second opinion, this doctor was so quick to book surgery he was in a hurry and his office was kind of hectic, I dont even know him! He was not the doctor I was supposed too see according to the referral. If its not life threatning why risk scarring and death due to surgery.

My Aunt said just not to do anything just yes, she does not think I am physcoligally ready for surgery, and I know she is right, my blood pressure was very very high in the dr's office, I doubt they would even pass me for pre-op, I just need to digest this and think about it for awhile, my nerves are so bad right now I just want too take too my bed and I cannot do that I know.

Thank you for your words Sunny and Carmie, yes I am proud I went and no it was not nice or easy but I did it, I just want too put it out of my mind for a few days so I dont go crazy, surgery terrifies me and I dont know if I can do it, the Doctor who did my mothers surgery was a great doctor too and said she would be "up and running' in two days, I will never forget that and her loss was terrible and she was thin and healthy and I am not, probabably a bad surgery risk. Thank you for helping me, I just feel so lost right now.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Debora:

As usual I agree with Sunny. I am so proud of you for being so brave. I hope that you'll be able to see how wonderful it is that you were able to go, even though you were so afraid.

I remember reading your goals and how you wanted to be able to go shopping and out to dinner. You made a huge step in that direction today. I hope that you'll be able to see that for the wonderful step it is.

I am hoping that you might be able to get to a therapist during the day one day. Having read your post makes me think that you might need to talk to someone. It sounds like you have convinced yourself that your mother's story is your own? I really believe that you made a huge step towards getting better today, Debora. You are so strong.

Hugs from Maine,
Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: Let's change the above heading "So Afraid To Go" to "I'm Glad I Went". My sister had a polyp removed and she sings! She was very worried about not getting her singing voice back, but she did. I have an aunt who had this too, she is doing very well. I think Shania Twain had this surgery also. It is common enough.

Before your surgery they will probably see you for a pre-op appt. This is where they explain everything to you first and take all your health problems/concerns into account. They take your pressure, write down what medications you are taking, answer any questions. They will help you through it.

I'm glad you went and that it is going be o.k. What reward did you give yourself for going? It took a lot of courage for you to keep that appt. Don't forget to celebrate and give yourself a pat on the back for each step forward.

Congratulations D! you went for it and you did it.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

It was awful! I wish I had not gone. The doctor said I have a polyp in my throat and I have to have surgery to remove it he does not think is cancer thank God but he wants to do surgery anyway and there is no way I can do this I cant have surgery.

my mother went under general antheisia and never woke up she went into a coma and died and she was a lot healthier than I was, if I have this surgery I will surely die at least if I dont I may talk funny but I will live, I cannot believe this is happening.

I am going to bed and I am going to stay there, they are not going to force me to go under the knife and not wake up or butcher me like they did my mother, I am sorry I have to go to bed and I am not leaving it. I wish I never went, I dont want to end up like my poor Mother, I cannot even write I am shaking so bad, this is a nightmare.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora:

I think that Red had good advice about taking things one step at a time. All you need to do is focus on the very moment that you are in. What time is the appointment? Do you have everything ready to go? If you focus on right now, you won't be entering into all of the "What ifs". Now is the most important time and you can break out of the panic cycle, I know you can! You just need to take things one step at a time and if you can celebrate each step you take. You are doing awesome! Just take this task step by step and keep your mind focused on right now instead of anything that happened in the past of might happen in the future. Right now is all yours. This is what works for me and you have my prayers and best wishes and I know you can do it!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

You can make it Debora.

You will feel so great once you get this over with. If you avoid it remember your concerns will not go away. You are strong and you can get through this. We are all right there beside you. How good do you think you will feel once this is over with? Focus on that. What do you need to do in order to gather the strength to get through this?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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So Afraid to go