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19 years ago 0 201 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
It's funny how this anxiety thing works. Today I feel like a boat on a sand bar at low tide. Yesterday I was just sailing around happy as could be with the wind at my back. I found a cozy little spot in the harbor, dropped my anchor for the night and woke this morning to being grounded by the tide. Just a setback I know but annoying....I was looking forward to sailing again! :) Oh, I know the tide will come back in. And I can probably count on it doing so pretty soon even. But knowing it will float my boat again doesnt make me feel better about being stuck right now. How can we get to the point where we accept the low tides just as we accept the high ones? We know there will be both...it repeats and repeats. Low today, high tomorrow, low the next....and so on. Sometimes, I find myself thinking, "Great! Its a low day today and I dont have anything to do but tomorrow my day is full and it will be my high tide day!" That is just "wrong thinking". I know I must accept the low tide days but with a thought pattern like the one above I will soon set myself up for a low day just because I have a high day planned for tomorrow. Why is it that I cant convince myself (during these anxiety episodes) that it is possible for me to have several high tide days in a row? Or better yet, why cant I just anchor further out so that the tides have little to no effect? I was anxiety free for about 7 months (following a 2-3 month episode) before this episode began so I know it can be done. I just cant figure out why the tide rises and falls more now than it does at other times? I am determined to find the link in the chain here one day. If I keep examining it, sooner or later that light bulb will go on over my head.. Thanks for reading and have a great day today! I will be pulling up anchor soon..... Mike
19 years ago 0 201 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Is today the day? Maybe! I woke this morning feeling tired but with no anxious thoughts at all. Ive been up 2 hours now and still not an anxious thought to be had. Maybe this is the first day in a long chain of non-anxiety days. Nothing about my outside life has changed, the same pressures are there, no big reliefs in sight, all the standard day to day stuff is still on the agenda, just for some reason today it doesnt seem to matter. Brain chemestry? I am completely stumped, but i'm going to roll with it and help make it gather steam. As Rick says to Renault...."This could be the start of a beautiful friendship". Mike
19 years ago 0 201 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Tempered, thanks for the advice. I am working on a plan that is just about as you described! Mike
19 years ago 0 201 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Anxiety disorder is like a box of chocolates.... One morning I wake feeling great. I WANT to get out of the bed and persue whatever the day has to offer me, even the unknown! (I like those days) One morning I wake up full of vinegar just hoping the day will throw a wrench at me so I can prove how well I can handle it...bring it on! (I like those days too) One day I wake up just wanting to go back to bed, dreading what awaits me on the outside of the sheets. No energy, no fortitude, no resolve....just blah! (Not too crazy about these days) There seems to be no logical cycle to this. I cant predict the mornings by what preceeded the the evening before and that tends to perplex me. If I could grab a handle on the behavior or food or drink or whatever that precipitates the bad mornings.... Well, I guess i'd be everyones hero if I could figure that out now wouldnt I? :) Anyway. today is kind of numb. I didnt want to go to work, I didnt want to eat, I just wanted to sit down and stare off...I did force myself to do those things thogh (eat..and Im going to work) and I am feeling better. So I can say that food and activity do tend to take the edge off. Im going to try to adjust mentally by doing some visualizations before starting off for work. I'm thinking a thunderstorm rolling across a prarie is what I may need this morning. :) Everyone please strive to have a great day and keep that mind of yours active so the boogie men cant settle in! Mike
19 years ago 0 1 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Mike... I am new here but been following your thread with interest. I have been suffering with PA/anxiety for about 3 years now and want to reinforce what Nurseboy28 said previously...it is not the anxiety that we need to be concerned with, but our response to it. My symptoms disappeared for nearly 1.5 years, then popped back up quite unexpectedly. Now for the past several months, I have been trying to put a lid on it. I have found that there is one common aspect to recovery stated by others and that I have at times practiced and been successful to some degree with...Float past the symptoms and try not to resist the anxiety. Whenever you begin to experience symptoms, remind yourself that you are a fighter and not going to let this disorder control your life. If you do this (and I know that it takes practice), then you remove the power it has over you. Face it, accept it, float past the symptoms and then let time pass. If you do this, with practice, you will find that the anxiety begins to dull and takes on less importance in your life. I don't want you to think that I have not had to work at this...it does require effort and time. You definitely have the right idea in occupying your mind with positive thoughts and activities. I have found that if you limit the space you allow the negative thoughts, eventually they will diminish. I hope some of what I said here either reinforces your beliefs, or helps to enlighten your viewpoint somewhat. Take care and stand your ground!
19 years ago 0 201 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks for the support. We do need each other from time to time dont we? [quote] For the last two days I've been on edge.......not too far to the edge but just to where I know it's close. [/quote] That is the exact feeling allright. It is kind of like a haze over eveything. No "real" anxiety, well at least not "real" to us anyway. But if this haze we feel came over someone that had never experienced any anxiety before, it would scare the heck out of them. I think the problem is that we cant point to anything that IS wrong but we feel like EVERYTHING is wrong. Just like a watch that is 5 minutes slow....we adjust to it. Knowing it is slow we show up for appointments early (according to the watch) and we make our mental time compensation every time we look at it. But...it would be nicer if it were just accurate and we didnt have to make the adjustments at all. My watch is just barely off now....I reset it a little closer each day. :) It will be accurate again soon...I just know it. How do I know it? Because it always has gotten back to being accurate, and better yet....none of the things that frightened me in the fog have ever happened. Simply, I am doing this to myself and I am going to make it stop. I say to anxiety....."Who's your daddy?" Have a fantastic day today and when you do, tell me about it here! I like to read about great days or events...it is uplifiting. Mike
19 years ago 0 50 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Mike, I, like you, have anxious thoughts return from time to time though overall I am in a much better place than I was when I first visited this site. My advice to you is even in the better times come back to the site as reading the feelings of others and helping them with your own experience is very rewarding. You also are able to stay more focused on your progress. We all need each others support that is the reason I always check the posts as I may be able to help someone who needs it. You were able to bring yourself to a better place before and so you will again! Rose
19 years ago 0 40 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Mike, Hi. I have been like you. Doing fine and then, wham! I start feeling that familiar feeling of anxiety creeping back up. For the last two days I've been on edge.......not too far to the edge but just to where I know it's close. I've been irritable lately as well. Mostly from waiting for the panic to come back but also because when I feel good I forget about my disorder and then all of a sudden I'm like, "Oh yeah. I have panic." I hate being on the medication as it is and just when I start hoping that maybe I'll be able to wean off, I get these feelings and realize that I will be on it forever. :( Anyhow, tonight I am going to bed early. I haven't been to bed early in ages it seems and I'm going to put on a soothing CD as well. I find that helps me too! Maybe tommorow I will feel like typing more, but for now I will say goodnight! Hope your evening is well as well as everyone elses! Smiles, Misty
19 years ago 0 201 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Monday...how I love them! :) Really, they arent that bad. I know that I will be at work where my mind will be occupied. Sure, it may be occupied with ****, but at least it wont be dwelling on circular negatives. So I woke this morning and listened to some programming and soothing music...I got out of bed peacefully and went about my daily chores. Unfortunately, one of my kids was having one of those patented "wound up tight" mornings, bouncing off the walls, asking questions ever 10 seconds....you parents know what I mean. Still, it was fun to see him so excited. I guess I was kind of jealous actually. I want to feel that way again. But today is better than yesterday and so it continues to progress in a positive way. Although the negative thoughts are decreasing there is still that "fog" (you all know the fog) that hasnt quite burned off yet. Soon it will....I will make it so. Have a glorious day and take a few minutes sometime today to listen to the rain or a stream or the wind in the trees... there is some kind of magic there. Mike
19 years ago 0 201 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks Adele! Im so glad you are doing well. Im not sure any of us are ever "cured" totally but we certainly can learn some coping methods that will keep the suffering to an absolute minimum. I had been anxiety free for a while...until just a few weeks ago actually. I noticed it slowly beginning to creep back in. So I came here first thing and began to type. It was so helpful last time (in fact i think it was a key reason for my success last time). I was surprised to see a lot of new names and very few old ones...but as I thought about it I realized that it was a good thing not to see the old names, because that means they were enjoying life and not having strong issues. :) Mine will go away again, I am sure of it. I think im going to allocate some time today to looking at that Linden Method to see what its all about. Maybe the final piece of my puzzle is in there....who knows? I promise I[b]will[/b] have a great day along with you today. Mike

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