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Desperate to be better.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Sorry for my delay in responding, I've had a couple of busy days at work etc.

But I think thats where I find it hard to stop myself freaking out when I spiral downwards, it just all seems impossible to stem from panic and I try and convince myself that it may be something physical. I always know that it's not, but there's still a doubting voice at the back of my head.

I haven't taken any medication, I've never liked the idea of them for some reason. But yeah it does just feel like sleep deprivation even though I've had plenty of sleep. The other day was very bad for me, I felt as though I was ready to have a full blown attack, and I've not had one in a while. I really think I am just in recovery but it's tormenting. But you have it in one with the tiredness, and foggy feeling.

I have to say that when I posted this I was at a very bad point and felt like I had completely lost control again. It got worse for a few days until it hit its peak, but I feel much better once I thought everything through and thought logically.

It's so weird to go through something like this and have no idea what it's like until you go through it. It feels like no one knows about this condition until they go through it.

Again, thank you for the help. It genuinely worked wonders when I was at a low point..

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

maddferit,

Welcome and thanks for sharing. The members here are amazing and can also share and support. Using the program also helps you understand, progress and realize.

Take the opportunity to post, share, and read with us.

Great assistance everyone!

Josie, Health Educator

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Kaitie

It isn't actually vision so much as having your world fold in on you. All at once everything around you disappears including sound. And you wonder if anyone is noticing. You feel like you are sticking out. And then it passes and the first thing you think is that you had a stroke, but everything is back to normal till the next time. Some times it is like sleep deprivation, everything feels like it is in slow motion. Time changes during panic attacks. An hour can go by but it feels like only minutes. Some times the terror can last for hours. My longest ones were three hours, shortest were still fifteen minutes. Anxiety attacks were much shorter.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by fuzziness? Is it your vision, as Davit suggested, or more that your brain feels foggy? I know for me at times it feels like my mind gets cloudy and I have to try really hard to break through that so I can think. It was hard in school, a single maths lesson would leave me exhausted from having to do this so I could take in what I was supposed to learn. It was worse when I was taking Olanzapine, which is a strong sedative.

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Some pretty weird things can happen with this condition but remember it is only a condition and not permanent. Also medications can cause or make it worse. Tetracyclines can make you fuzzy and even give you tunnel vision for a very short time. It is scary when all of a sudden everything disappears except what is right in front of you. And you need to sit down. So if anything really weird happens don't freak, just accept it as something you have to fix. Acceptance makes it easier to deal with and go away sooner.

There aren't many people here right now but at one time no matter what happened to you someone would have had that experience. One in four has some form of mental disorder and after a while you can actually pick them out. Scary hey. Think how many there are in a mall at any given time. Some no longer have symptoms and some have learned to control it. And some who don't have help really have to work to get through the day. It is all fixable with CBT and this site is based on CBT.

Everyone here will support you through this.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Thanks to both of you for replying so quickly, I think I needed it haha.

I agree that it's long, and maybe I just wasn't committed to putting in half the leg work because I've just never went through anything similar to this. Months of time to recover from something doesn't feel right, I know it has to be done, but it's just this recovery part that's throwing me off.

I do sometimes see the old me kind of glimpse back and it always gives me a small boost, but it's days like this where I feel like I'm likely to slide back in to major panic.

The fuzziness I'm really not sure about, it's like I could be acting normal and then I'll just stop and have to overlook what I've been doing for the past 10 minutes wondering if I've been acting strange. Then it'll feel like I'm just looking at everything through a haze.

Again, thank you both.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Hi Maddferit,

I'm 18 too, and have had panic attacks since I was 15 but my agoraphobia/avoidance goes back further than that. I've had quite a few times where my anxiety has been severe, for six months or more at a time. It is such a long battle, but I know you can do it!

There is no way you can rush this, and if you try it will only make the anxiety worse. I know what you mean about not feeling the same. I can't even remember the person I used to be, the things I enjoy or how the old me would react to things. The one thing I have learnt that has helped the most is to think of your anxiety as a separate part of you. The further away you can distance yourself from the anxiety, the more you can fight back and challenge it, the more your 'true self' will show through and you'll start to feel like yourself again. I hope this makes sense.

You're not insane. How would you picture someone who was insane? Would they be totally distanced from reality, in a padded cell babbling to themselves? Even then, to call them 'insane' would be harsh. You're also not pathetic. Just because you think something, doesn't mean it's true.

You haven't been bugging anyone, it's good to post on here. I find it helps put things in perspective :)

All the best,
Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi maddferit

Like the rest of us you are sane also. Welcome to the site. By the way the fuzziness is probably you blocking what is happening rather than accepting it and letting it pass. It gets a bit complicated but there are answers here.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

I find it weird to even type on this because I thought I would never have to get to this point.

I've been having panic attacks since early November and I've managed to get over the worst parts of it, and I don't really even have panic attacks anymore, normally I feel I can stop them through techniques I've learned through this along the way. But over the past few days it's been getting worse again, and tomorrow I'm working a long shift and it's kinda scaring me.

But yeah I feel I need someone who has experienced all this just to tell me I'm sane. I thought i was through all the part of thinking "maybe its something else.." but its returned with a vengeance, I constantly feel like I have an underlying health problem and that none of this can simply be the works of something mental. I can get over the palpatations, the fear, everything like that, but my major problem is I just don't feel the same anymore and it's driving me to insanity. I crash after eating food, I can't drink tea, I can't drink alcohol with friends the same, I don't feel anywhere near as funny or popular as I used to be ( I'm 18 years old, I know it's sad but that's a big thing to me.). Even when I stop myself a second and look into space I just feel as if somethings wrong, yet I don't really get big panic attacks anymore? Do you ever get rid of the constant fuzzy feeling ? I mean I can go to work and work fine and everything and I've exposed myself to every scenario, but it's when I'm carrying on with day to day things the fuzziness really bugs me. I try and pass them off as head aches, but it can't be right can it? I've reached the point where I don't want to talk about it because I feel as though I'm bugging people about it and that they don't understand how bad it is for me. I'm even feeling bad typing all this out just now because I just feel so pathetic, but mostly because this really isn't like me, I prefer to deal with things in my own way and by myself ?

I would really appreciate any replies, and thanks for reading my rant.

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