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Body so Sensitized

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Debora,

Go easy on yourself

Mindreading what others think of you, even though you feel "haggard' may not be their reaction. It could be they are concerned with you, rather than gossiping. If it's the latter, remember that this is their problem.

Also, go easy on wanting to do too much, since you have limits.

We're still thinking of you, even though we may not repond immediately, or every day. A lot of people may just "view" your post, and pray for your well-being. When I ask mom what she's doing praying so much, she says "somebody has to do it", and she doesn't use internet or telephone or letter mail

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Well thats all the exposure I have for the forum today..I've got more exposure to do today in the outside world so that I can finish my plans of making my home a more peaceful place to live..

Talk to you all again when I get a chance..

Red...

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Educators..

If my previous post is in the wrong forum title your more than welcome to move it to goal setting and exposure planning..I'll leave it up to you to come up with a thread title..I would of put it there myself. I wasn't sure where to put it. That forum title has been used for the Quote of the day for many months now and I don't want to cause any problems here. I also have a post about four down from this one talking about this same exposure plan and how it relates to the the issues I am having with my panic/anger/depression/ptsd..

Red

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Exposure Work

Yesterday was a tiring day physically and emotionally...I am moving forward with my projects at home...We got our permits for our fence. A roofing contractor came to the house to take measurements and discuss the job..He sure did talk a lot about everything under the sun..man that was energy depleting..Than on to the permit office to talk to the engineer about my fence plans..Next a stop at the store for groceries..This is more than I ever try to do in a day..but I made it through it and am getting ready to shop for fence materials in the next couple of days..Oh and by the way I got a summons for jury duty again for the end of October and for those that were here when I got my last one over a year ago you will remember how upset and panicked about it I was..Well this time I am really ok with it..No panic just a annoyance thats all...So all in all I am very happy with the progress I have made since I started here working on my panic and agoraphobia..I could not of done all these things before..

It still isn't a cake walk but now it is doable...If this is the wrong place for this post I am sorry..but these activities did produce a lot of emotional and physical symtoms..I am exhausted but very happy that I was able to do what I needed to do...

Red....

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 424

Debora...have you talked to a doctor about this?

I am almost sure you have,but like you..i was so affraid of meds,i had tried many and could not get past all the side affects!

This last time,i had no choice,i wanted to live and be free of all the misery i was in,so i take celexa 20mg now,and xanax as needed..

This seems to work for me...

I hope you feel better soon!

Good luck Debora!!!

Bren

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Bren, Thank you! Yes you are right every member and moderator has been just wonderful too me with all thier tips advice and coping skills its been comforting. I have lost some weight but I am not real thin so that is not a bad thing but I know I must try to eat for the vitiamins and nutrients and not too feel weak, I try to eat a little and see how it goes, as I said I am not supper skinny so a few pounds probably would not hurt me but I dont want to get weak and feel worse than I do.

I cant take the antidepressanats I cannot tolerate the side effects I tried like four of them and it was horrible I felt worse than I did with the panic if you can believe that, I take klonopin now a low-dose to take the edge off, I am so med-phobic anyway.

You are right its up to me to do the work and I am trying so hard. I wish I felt better the scary body symptoms continue to scare me and I so try to talk to myself saying "its only anxiety" "it will pass" sometimes that works sometimes not. I am hoping with this program to see some improvement, without antidepressants I heard it can be done so that is my hope and prayer.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 424

Debora...

I have read a few of the comments for you, there all great ones too!

A few months ago,i was were you are now..so thin and frail from loosing so much weight,shaking all the time, nausea,so much was going on inside me and my mind,,,i wound up in the hospital,and everyone was so nice,until my doctor came in the next day,and told me there was nothing wrong with me...i felt so embaressed!

When we came home i cried all afternoon,could not eat,sleep, finally,i broke down,and started the celexa the doctor orders,a couple weeks later,went to see my doctor and i was feeling better,and i did loose a few more pounds as i couldnt eat, but a month later...i had gained back 10lbs!and was feeling so good!

Then i had a long talk with myself..i decided i was the only one who couls change the way i think,and feel evryday about myself,the world i live in,and how i respond to it...

The first thing i done,was go for a walk,it was a short one, but i went,after a while,i was back walking a mile a day,now i have been eating very good,taking my meds,yes i still have my days...when i feel numbness,and tingling,and headaces,but,i know they will pass,and everyone is right here,it does take some time for you to heal,but the good news.you will!!!!!!!!!!

Hang in there,and remember..your not alone!!

We are all here for you anytime!

Bren

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Vincenzia for you're reply. I do still go out of the house but only after dark, I know that sounds strange but I guess in my mind I think less people will see me. Since this disorder came back not only has it effected my health but the way I look too. My eyes are all sunk in and red with dark circles down to my cheeks, and I am afraid to go to the beauty shop so my hair looks awful, even make-up does not help anymore its looks garish and I makes me look more haggard and worse, I look like I am getting over some horrible virus or something and people are always saying how tired pale and sick I look and that scares me and makes me sad, It looks like I have aged 10 years or something, when people see me their jaw drops open, they cannot even hid their surprise at how bad I look, so I stay in so people wont talk about me and I will not feel worse.

I am hoping as I get better, I will look better and want to go out more but right now I cannot I get so nacous and nervous, I still manage to walk my dogs after dark or go to the drugstore or grocery occasionaly, but I need to do more I know, like a Dr's appt and other things, I just feel so weak and sick right now, I dont know what physcial or emotional anymore, I hope and pray in time I can go out more, I so want to join the land of the living just not looking and feeling so terrible.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi Debora,

I hear what you're saying about not wanting to go out in public when you don't feel presentable. However, your therapist has proposed a good idea - it may be what you need to help you feel better. You don't have to go very far, take it slowly. Choose an afternoon to get out of your house and walk even to the next block and back, then increase it to 2 blocks, then even further etc... Test yourself and see how you feel.

You mentioned you're not ready for that yet, what is it that is holding you back?

What would you need to feel ready to go out in public? How would you feel if you did get out and see people in the community?

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

I like you're new picture Davit its cute, I did not know people could read these, I guess browsing the forums they can too.

My therapist left awhile back today, why is it I feel WORSE when he comes and then goes? Maybe cause I think its not helping me? I am very tired today, I feel like I am catching my son's cold, and I dont want too, whenever I get sick I go down emotionally, I hope its just a cold and not go into broncitis like it normally does. My son is still sick and my husband is not feeling well, he went to the doctor and his pressure is very high like 177/112 and that causes me concern, I have stopped taking my BP like I did everyday its not productive and it scares me, I just try to stay away from it its like I do NOT want to think about my health anymore, thats what caused this whole thing to come back after five years. I feel tired achy and depressed today for some reason, not sleeping well, I cant fall asleep then I am up constantly coughing or urinating or bad dreams, does anyone ever sleep and wake up and feel like they have not slept at all? I think I am worried about my son and husband too and that causes the anxiety, I wish I could just turn my brain off for awhile and NOT think, that would help me.

My therapist wants me to get out more but I am not ready for that yet, I still look and feel pretty awful, I look sick and people comment on it constantly, I dont want to look beautiful of course just presentable, its like I dont want anyone to see me yet till I feel better, I wish I was making faster progress, ten months is SO long to feel so anxious sick and depressed, I think my body is so use to this is automatic, does that make sense? The body symptoms are very bad and I am trying so hard not to let them depress or panic me. It gives me hope to read success stories and I hope one day I will be one of them!

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