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Help for loved one

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 85

Thanks for all the feedback. I think I will try and find a support group and just encourage him to go for therapy, and maybe commit to working through this program. He had curbed the drinking alot lately - I basically told him to choose me or the drinking and lying. We are seeing a marriage councellor anyway - but think he needs additional therapy to work through his panic stuff. I am sympathetic to him because I know what it feels like. I suffer from the occasional panic attack, but have learned techniquies that help me through them, so I don't actually fear having them anymore. I will also get those books you mentioned ashepp3 - thanks again guys

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Suzie: Welcome to the site. I hope you will find some encouragement and hope here. I agree with Sid that going to Al Anon is a great start. I had a problem with a loved one's drinking and I went for at least 3 months on a regular basis before he realized that I was serious and so he looked into AA for himself. I learned a lot about this disease. More importantly I learned how to take care of myself and how not to enable this person. I found support and understanding which was most helpful and sorely needed.

I can say one thing I learned was that until the drinking problem is addressed, it is very difficult for an individual to see the problems in their lives clearly, (nevermind finding solutions).

Al Anon is in most phone books and you can easily find a meeting which is close to where you live.

Good luck and let us know how it is going, we care.

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 252

Hi Suzie,

I have another suggestion that you might want to look into. You may want to consider going to Al-anon meeting to help you. The have meetings for family and friends of Alcoholics..They can also give you information about meeting he can attend for his drinking problem...

Later you might want to suggest he go to AA meetings "Alcohol Anonymous" But first you need to take care of you...

You can find information about these organizations on line, just type it into goggle and do a search..Or you can look it up in the phone book and call them and talk to them on the phone....

Hope this helps,

Sid

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Hi SuzieQ,

You have already been given some great advice. Davit suggesting the AHC (www.alcoholhelpcenter.net) is a good place to visit.

All your concerns are certainly justified. Panic Disorder a very common but it is also a highly manageable condition. CBT is a proven effective method at addressing Panic Disorder. This program is based on CBT principles so directing him to this site might be a good option for him.

I want to commend you for showing concern and for trying to find ways to help him; it is very kind of you. Being supportive, understanding and listening to him are great ways to support him. Being positive and encouraging him to work at it are also great ways to empower him. In regards to him managing the anxiety unfortunately only he can take the steps necessary to make change. He needs to be invested in the process and take responsibility for his health.

Members, how would you like a loved one help support you? If you did not want to address the anxiety and seek help how could someone help?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi Suzie.

There are sister sites attached to this one for very good reason. They are related. Alcohol and anxiety do not go together, it is a depressant. Alcohol and meds do not go together. It is simple.

"you booze you lose". You can not help. Sympathy will only make it worse.

Alcohol works for panic in either of two ways and some times both. One is you just get blotto, so nothing registers or you get angry and transfer the panic to some one else by inappropriate venting. (some times with violence verbal or physical) Some would say how much do you want him. I have to ask how much he wants you. Not enough to stop the booze and get real help. Not enough to do CBT which is a proven cure. (you can't do it if you are drunk and can't think clear.)

Right now alcohol seems like a good friend to him and will become a better friend in the future. Even better than you are. Are you prepared to spend your life with a third person?

You can't fix this for him he has to do it himself. Even without alcohol in the equation a person with panic attacks or any form of excess anxiety has to do it themselves. And they have to want to.

It is not just alcohol. A lot of people run to drugs also to get away from the pain. Panic attacks are painful, but the thought of having one can be far more debilitating.

I would suggest you see a therapist. They can give you a lot more information in an hour than we can.

That said, and if you are still reading this, the program works. The forums work. Both are proven help. And we really are here for you even if I don't seem like it right now. There are others here more familiar with alcohol and anxiety they will tell you more than I can. You could also read the programs so you know what you are dealing with.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 56

Hi Suzie,

I think it's really nice that you want to help him and are making an effort to understand what he is going through because many people do not understand or make this effort.

It really does sound like he needs a good therapist, especially since he is coping with alcohol which isn't uncommon in this situation. If he likes to read you could get him books to help, maybe The Feeling Good Workbook or Hope & Help For Your Nerves. Maybe you should call his doctor yourself and express your concerns?

It sounds like a tough spot to be in and I hope you figure something out.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 85

Hi there

Well, I am SuzieQ and I have a loved one with panic disorder and want to get some advice on how to assist him. He feels he will never get over it and lives his life in fear of having another panic attack. He even admits the panic attacks themselves are not that bad, but it is the FEAR of them happening at any time that freaks him out. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to help him and honestly feel really helpless about the whole thing. He refuses to go for councelling and never finished the CBT process, but is convinced nothing will help anyway. He is still really anxious despite being on 2 anti-anxiety meds and says the only time he doesn't feel afraid is when he is drunk, which is obviusly not a way of coping. He also won't admit to the doctor that the pills aren't working as they should. He says he feels better on them, so they must be working - but surely he shouldn't still feel so anxious he feels the need to drink away the stress?? Please - I need advice, how can I help him...

SuzieQ

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