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Love


13 years ago 0 89 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you Tiana, that's very encouraging! I'm often told I'm naive and that I should play my cards closer to my chest. Yet, that seems contrary to working towards peace within and for others. 
 
My mom had a really tough time letting people help her or hiring people to do things. As a result, she isolated herself and suffered. It made me realize something. Something I told her and I hope it helped her - There's a reason there's more than one person on this planet - so we can help each other. I hope that helps someone else.
 
Davit - good questions. I have memory problems and I forget things that are important to her. I got off the medications in hopes that would help my memory as I read that can be a problem with some SSRI's.
I was also raised with sarcasm as a form of communciation. Now, my sweetie can deal as good as she gets, but I try to be more sincere and stay away from sarcasm. 
Something else that bothers her is that we don't go out much to just visit with friends or whatever. We used to do that, but then the jobs took over. It got to the point where when we got home, we'd just sit and stare at our laptops, waiting for the phone to ring, either from her work or mine.
 
I stopped going to my Mason's meetings, because I wanted to be with her, just in case something happened with her work. Her work often left her in tears, or even in a rage. I wanted to be there to protect her, talk her down, or even go and help shovel the place out or fix whatever was broke. I've even left my own workplace to go help her. That job was killing her, and so it was killing our family. I think that's the biggest reason she moved - to get away from that and move faster toward our goal of living a self-sufficient lifestyle on an acreage. That dream is a dream that pulled us together in the first place.
 
Now, I want to go and help her make that dream come true. 
 
Okay, that was much longer than I intended. :)
13 years ago 0 653 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Guy,
 
I agree with the other members- you continue to do really well with challenging your negative thoughts. You have the skills to get through this, clearly! Don't forget that part. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself. That is very brave of you.
 
Tiana, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 659 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Guy,
It's good to see you challenging your anxious and negative thoughts.
Keep up the good work!!
 
Red
 
 
13 years ago 0 31 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Guy,
 
I really enjoyed reading your post since I've often had the same nagging thoughts in relationships. This is a great example of applying CBT and achieving positive results.
 
Thanks!
Flint 

13 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Guy.

I think what you need to challenge is what there is about you that you think might cause her to fall out of love with you. Not what makes you think she would. Slight difference here. You are going to find as you go along that there are a lot of things with slight differences. It is like that With CBC. Things go click and you realize you have been thinking just a bit wrong.

Here for you.
Davit.
13 years ago 0 89 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
My biggest challenge is whether my fiancee loves me or not. I've talked about this elsewhere in the forums, but since I've made it through section three, I thought this would be a good place for this question.
 
How can I challenge the questions related to love?
Does she really love me?
Is she going to fall out of love with me?
Does she really want me to move down there?
 
The last one I can sort of challenge since she hasn't given me any reason to think she doesn't want me to move down there. She even said that if the house doesn't sell in a reasonable amount of time, just drop the keys off at the bank and go. Now that's a bit overboard I think, but I think she proves her point that she does want me to move down there.
 
I would think that if she was willing to have us walk away from this house to be together, that means she loves me. She calls me on Skype every night and we talk. We talk about our days and we talk about the future together. That sounds like love to me.
 
Is she going to fall out of love with me? Maybe.
But that could happen this year or 20 years from now or never. Plus, I'm always trying to find ways to show her I love her and my heart would never wander away from her. So, I'm doing my part to keep the love going, so to speak.
I have intimacy issues that severely affect our love life, but I've been working on that. Plus the drop in stress of her being away from her crazy stressful job should help. Maybe when I get down there, we'll have the energy to even feel like we have a libido! That would be good. I love her and want her to feel wanted by me.
 

Hmm...okay maybe I can challenge those questions. Well, I'll leave this note here anyway in case anyone else is in a similar situation and it might help them.

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