i feel like i have made some real progress since i joined this website, thank you all for contributing to this feeling of mental........don't really know what adjective to use here......peace......i think i have found have a little piece of peace.
the last few months have been hectic, i was in the hospital for two weeks, my personal record was 11 panic attacks in one day, i was taking 6mg of ativan a day, suffering from depersonalisation every day, lost all my friends, alienated my family, lost all sense of worth, erased my beliefs, value, ethics, lost my identity and was pretty close to being dead....
this was definetly a wake up call; today i meditate, i treat myself and others with unconditional love, i display my emotions instead of bottling them up, i have my friends back, im closer with my family, i havent had any panic attack for weeks, and no anxiety for at least 7 days. im still sick with the flu and today my whole head is congested, 2 months ago this would have resulted in a panic attack, today i can clearly think and know that it is a minor annoyance but will be cleared up in a few days...this is why i feel at peace today.
i now have a tremendous respect for the human brain, treat your brain good and your brain will treat you good!!
this website has contributed so much in terms of laying out a plan, and the fellow members have provided so much support just by being here and by being a group of people that i can relate, the forums are the first place i would turn to when i felt anxious. with the help of this website, my other CBT group and my support network that i setupas soon as i could, a little bit of education and support goes a long way. meditation and yoga were also key to my recovery to date.
there is still a long road ahead, im down to 10mg of paxil aday, that was cut down last week and i still rely on sleeping pills to get me to sleep...so i still have goals to remove the medication completely.
i have had several major setback but feel i dealt with them well. i feel strong again, happy, SELF-RELIANT and above all confident. i am back at work full time, i have all my friends back, i have removed negative influences from my life and i even had a hot date for valentines!
once again thank you all for letting me VENT! i will still be here, contributing, still working the path but if anyone has any questions about my journey please ask me, i feel i have learnt alot and really want to give back to the community.
Sunny II