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I will add one pledge to my collection which means I am setting myself up for some failure but I need this one.
I will drag my butt out to the green house and clean it. I need it as it is one of the few places negative thought doesn't crowd in. The other place is driving but I need to spend some of my gas money on seeds. I will also spend some time on my number one major trigger now that I know what it is.
This is a great idea - I really need to write down my pledges (and pls hold me accountable!) because I need to work on many things but keep putting them off. They're pretty basic but I need to start somewhere without overwhelming myself. I'd love to hear everyone else's pledges too!
Pledges for Feb 13th-19th
1. Get out of bed before 12 noon every day
2. Leave the house every day
3. Do something productive every day (ie run an errand, do some baking)
My pledges are the same as last week with one added. I will not yell at my poor computer jealous cat. He just wants attention but God is he annoying lately.
I was able to get out and walk 2 times last week. I did learn that I have to not try to do to many things in one day that involve exposure. That means if I am going out to exercise to not try to cram in trips to a bunch of stores on the same day like I am never going to be able to leave again and need to do everything in one day. This really makes me tired both mentally and physically. Which sets me up for failure and feeds into the fear of not being able to leave because I will not be able to take it. When the fact is that if I just concentrate on one exposure goal for the day than I won't get to overwhelmed and with be able to leave again sooner. In short do not bite off more than I can chew if I want to succeed. I was also able to let myself relax and do a little sewing this past week which for me means that I am not letting my anxious thoughts consume. So all in all I think I made real progress last week.
Pledges/ Goals for this week
To get out doors and exercise 3 times this week and not combine it with running errands
To spent less time on line and more time working the program
To love and accept myself the way I am,and to change things I can
To go to a play on Saturday which I have never done before.
To relax and let myself do some of the things I enjoy both old and new
You are doing a lot better in the pledge department than I am. I don't write them down, I just make them in my head. And I break them. I start out with grand intentions but a couple of days down the road I get side tracked. I may pledge to do the dishes as I use them and I can tell myself that now that home support is cut off I'll just do all the work they did. And I'll go outside each day. But then I'll get real excited about something I want to build. I'll tell my self "I'll just see if I have a nice piece of wood to use". So I go down into the shop and find a nice piece of wood with a nice contrasting grain. I just can't leave it there. I end up trimming it and mounting it on the Lathe. I've got one foot pointed upstairs and one pointed at the lathe and the lathe wins. Hours later I've roughed out something and it's starting to look like what I visualized. Now is the hard part. I have to drag myself away from it and do the dishes and think about food. I no longer keep peanut butter or bread in the house so I can't just shove a sandwich in my face and go back to the shop.
Woodwork has been a life saver when the panic was starting to build. It has been a great form of distraction but I think I will start to write my pledges down and stick to them before I get into a rut. The shop is not going any where, it will be there if I ever start to panic again. Today will be tough because it snowed so I don't want to go outside and I have a nearly finished lidded candy dish calling to me to sand it and put a finish on it to bring out the grain. I want to finish it because I have already picked out who I want to give it to.
So much to do and so little body to do it with.
My pledge? Well. Since I'm writing it I better keep it simple to start. (Oh God I caught myself using a negative word)
1: I will do the dishes as I use them.
2: I will go outside each day and drive to the store each second day weather permitting.
3: I will not go into my shop if there is something else needing to be done. (tough one)
4: I will not stay up to the wee hours on my computer. (another tough one)
I know already I am going to break some of these. Waffling is just another form of negativity. But I am going to try.
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