Oh Nikki, I really feel for you, and wished you lived in the uk, where despite everything at least we have the NHS. We've all been where you're at, read some of the other posts and you'll realise that you're not alone. There will be people going through it right now as you are, people who are recovering, coping, and a lot who are actually free of this, as you can be, given time. Their advice and experiences , and the programme on this site were such a huge help to me, so please make use of it all.
Right now my advice to you would be a couple of things, that may seem odd to you, but really does help....
First is sleep. I know it can be so hard when you're freaking out but it is exhausting and your body and mind needs sleep to help recover. Its so underated, the benefits of a good nights sleep, but I can't tell you how important it is.
Relax. A tough one this, difficult for anyone to do, really do properly and has to be learnt. Find some headphones and calming music, shut yourself away, and try to lose yourself in the music. If you can only do this for a little while, its a little while free from panic.
Get out. By that I mean walk somewhere, nice. You don't have to be alone, but choose somewhere calming again. I know this all sounds 'trippy hippy', but again removing yourself from confinement does help. It also tires you out a bit, so its back to sleep again.
If you can see a doctor, great. I'm not sure how the system works in the states, and what is available, but medication definately helps and doesn't or shouldn't carry any stigma to it, or means you're a failure or anything like that. If you had high blood pressure you'd have to take tablets for the rest of your life, so why should this be any different ? Don't get hung up about it. If its something you choose , it should give you the energy and clear mind to explore what else is out there that might work for you. CBT is without doubt to my mind the way to go with this horrible panic. Hypnosis is also something that for some people , helps.
But know this, you WILL RECOVER, its possible, likely and definately achievable, and I say this as someone who never thought I would ever be saying so.
There is also a lot of good reading material out there. I haven't been on this site for a while so don't know if I am allowed to recommend anything, but I thought Claire Weekes was writing just to me it was so spot on.
Good luck, take the best care of yourself that you can.
