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Newbie here. Need some words of wisdom

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Newbie here. Need some words of wisdom

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Jason, Glad to see that you are feeling slightly better since posting on this site. You have received great advice and support from members...........we are all here for you and empathize with your tough situation. Please post often and let us know how you are doing. Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Heya Jason,

Just checking up to see how this first day is going. Let us know.

Cheers,

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

See, Jason? There's a light at the end of every dark tunnel! Sometimes anxiety likes to try and block that light, but just like when the clouds block the sun, it doesn't change the fact that the sun is still there. Keep on, keeping on man. It will be tough, but remember the things that make it worthwhile.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Thank you all so much for your kind words of wisdom, I woke up this morning with a great feeling of depression and anxiety and thoughts like i cant do this anymore i cant go through another day of this! But after getting on the computer and reading these messages i feel better and for that i thank you all so much. I think trying to get off the paxil right now was a bad idea, i think im going to up my dose just a little to see if it helps with the problems. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi Jason

First of all welcome to the forums. You've definately come to a wonderful place to share your thoughts and be supported. It's an amazing place. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. It does get better as you've heard already. Scared as you may be right now, it is not forever.

Jason, you are NOT alone in what you are going through. I can relate to you on many different levels but mostly on the "terrible thoughts". That was the worst part of my anxiety / obsessive thinking. I too went through a stage when I thought I would hurt my children... An absolutely terrifying experience ...but they are ONLY THOUGHTS. Thoughts that like you I knew I would NEVER act on. It was all about losing control...and the only way to prove you've lost control is to do something so irrational and terrible... The THOUGHT is the bad thing here. A person who is caring and loving etc. can't possibly think these things..or so I thought. I couldn't wrap myself around why they would even come into my head... There must be something wrong with me to even have thought such things. My life is full of so many wonderful things - why can't I just think wonderful thoughts...

The truth is Jason everyone has these thoughts at one time or another but those of us with Panic disorder or Obsessions etc. process it differently and it becomes a HUGE issue...and it snowballs... and the cycle can spin beyond our control at times. Fear becomes overwhelming and consuming... that's where you are now.

You've taken the first step though in looking for assistance. You've shown TREMENDOUS courage by even sharing your story which I'm sure was hard to do.

For me my thoughts have leaped all over the board. Once I stopped worrying about hurting my children it became something else... until I slowly started my road to wellness. For me, medication has helped tremendously. I think maybe you've had a bad reaction and unfortunately that can sometimes create these awful things... but you will find something that works for you.

Therapy is great too but if financially it's a burden there are a lot of free options or assisted options out there. You just have to be persistent. You are your greatest tool, and you may need to reach outside your box to get the ball rolling. Another courageous step but you can do it!! Sounds like your Mom is very supportive so you're lucky there too. She can help you find what you need.

Be patient and forgiving of yourself. This journey has many ups and downs but there is light at the end of the tunnel. We're all here for you Jason ... Keep posting!!

Dazed

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Same country as me! Well that's great when it comes to free health care, each of our states has different free programs. I think for the most part, you want to check into something called medi-cal...or that may just be in the state I live in. It's basically free health care for the "less privileged", I had to call them as well. Either way, check out your local county webpage, and do a search for phone numbers for either the welfare office or free health care. You can give any of these numbers a call and they can provide you with more information. You can ask for the free healthcare plan your area offers, and if necessary numbers to call to get more info. This may be hard, but if you do this Jason, you are well on your way to seeing your daughter and girlfriend again! (Keep those hopes in the right places!)

The meds can have that affect, unfortunately. And full blown panic attacks (PA's) are the worst! They can really cripple us making even simple ideas impossible. On the good side, it does eventually let up. No telling if it will be soon, it may take some time, as the body readjusts to just the paxil...but hang in there man! All of us here are routing for you!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

i live in the us, and as far as the meds go i was only taking the lexapro with the paxil for 5 days before i had the major panic attack, i mean it was so bad that i didnt leave my moms side for a whole week, she took off work for that week just so she could be with me, i had the panic attack in my room and it was so bad that i wouldnt even sleep in my room for 2 weeks, i slept on the little couch in the living room because my mom sleeps in the living room on the big couch and i was so scared to be alone! But i stopped taking the lexapro that day and i was hoping that things would go back to normal but they havent and its been a month since this happened, i mean before i had this attack i hadnt had a full blown panic attack in over a year and i wasnt having bad thoughts i just couldnt leave the house. Now it seems like that one episode has brought on a whole mess of problems and im just wondering if they will let up soon?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Oh, geeeeez! I'm a fool! I completely missed that part about the meds, Jason. The meds can definitely do that to you. My knowledge of meds is that what you are going through is very common, something that will subside once your body readjusts. Have patience, unfortunately the only thing you really can do is grin and bear it. Remember the reasons why its worth going through these hard times!

And in the mean time if you want something to do, you should seriously consider looking into free local community programs. You can look online for free health care in the area you live in. See what your options may be. This doesn't mean you have to go anywhere, just lets you see what's available to you.

If you don't mind, what country do you live in? I only ask because many countries have free programs that can really help, something I had to look into because I couldn't afford a psychiatrist either (luckily now I have health insurance).

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

see that is the problem, i know i should be seeing a psychiatrist or even a family dr. but i cant afford it, and even if i could i cant leave this house! And its not that i think about hurting my daughter or someone else for that matter, it is that i think what if i lost control of my mind somehow and hurt her or someone else and it scares me so much that i wont let my girlfriend bring her over anymore, and i am soooo sad and depressed over this because i miss her and love her so much, now it seems like i am so alone, i am here at this house by myself most of the week and it is so depressing, i feel as if there is no help or hope, you know before all this happened i was upset that i couldnt leave the house and be normal but at least i could see my girlfriend and my daughter on the weekends and that kept me sane, and now that i had a bad reaction to taking the lexapro and paxil together i feel like i cant get back to normal. I am going to keep on doing the program and im gonna keep looking for help, i just hope this lets up soon cause it is getting unbearable! Also thank you guys for all your replies, it helps me more than you know! I just wish there was such a thing as a e-hug lol.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Jason,

Welcome to our wonderful support community, and thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us

You have definitely been through a lot, and we are here to help, support and encourage you, no matter what.

Please take the time to read through the program and to explore the tools and resources that are available to you through this site. When is the last time you visited your family physician? I would definitely suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist. If you are feeling like you may harm your daughter, I think that it is important that you speak to a psychiatrist, not only for your health, but for hers as well.

Stay close, and keep us posted on how you are doing,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

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Newbie here. Need some words of wisdom