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Bad PA today. Just venting.

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Bad PA today. Just venting.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

That is so true. I do feel some control when I get the strength and courage to challenge myself with the PAs, yet still anticipate it even though I know I will eventually control it. But I guess we just gotta keep at it which is the really tiring part.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Thanks everybody

I have found that deliberately experiencing a PA and trying to intensify the experience does put the control back into your hands. When you allow a PA to happen and you welcome the experience then the anxiety never reaches the same intensity as when you try to fight it. My shrink calls this paradoxical intentionality. The only problem for me is that when I am in a cycle of anxiety this helps, but when I begin to break free of it I don't want to experience a PA as I feel that it will start the cycle again. And it usually does. So this is something I need to work on. The way I feel today and yesterday is a great start though because I really don't feel that much more anxious than before the PA.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hiya Gene,

I am glad you are finding posting here as therapeutic as I do. The people here are great aren't they. I think that you not stressing so much after such an attack is very good progress. And I agreee that healing is not a linear process. But the good days will start being more frequent then the bad and you will heal.

Sorry for the short reply. Am so tired atm that i feel dumb lol. Hope to hear more from you.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

I had the same thing this weekend, start of a anxiety attack that turned out to be generalized anxiety. I ended up overcoming it and making a lot of new friends, and had an overall blast! When I got the feeling, I stopped myself from thinking, and focused on the rise and fall of my anxiety...what it felt like inside. Something new for me to play with!

When it hits, I step aside and let myself feel my anxiety rise and fall. I take a sort of 3rd person view, where I don't let any thoughts enter, just focus on what is going on inside. I was able to feel a panic attack come and go, then I kept playing with it and saw I could make myself have another attack, and make it fade. This is one of the many things I'm playing with, but just knowing I can control this by letting it happen makes the experience kind of enjoyable. It means it isn't forever, and the next step is my choice. Maybe it's the control freak in me that loves that, or maybe...its the side that knows I'm moving on.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Well I am not great at visualisation. My mind wanders and if I am really anxious then I start to focus on my heart beating which makes the anxiety well up inside and just makes me irritated. I think you have to engage in your visualisation for it to be completely relaxing. I think that's why the music helps me to become part of the scene I am imagining.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

You are most welcome Gene . Thats great that you listen to a CD , i seem to have lost mine . You know the thing lend them out forget who to grrr . I love ocean sounds as well . Infact pretty sure they sell them at our supermarket here will have to check it out .

Are you any good at the visualation thing ? I wasnt , when i was prompted to see my happy place my mind went into overdrive to think of one then i kept changing my mind hahaha . That made me go anxious even more . Now when i start that up again i think i will think it out before i listen .

This programme is mighty powerful , we are so lucky

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

You have been so helpfull!

I had a little PA tonight but only lasted about 10 minutes and left no after effect of anxiety. I feel pretty good today. I just finished session three about the "challenging your anxious thoughts" and I feel like this program might be very powerful.

What is helping tonight is listening to a CD with sounds of the ocean (Vangelis Oceanic). The sounds of the waves are soothing and I can imagine myself sitting on a beech listening to the waves crash. I think the problem for me is trying to stay focused on some visualisation as my mind tends towards panic. Sounds increase my focus on the visualisation and thereby help me to picture myself in some pleasant environment.

It's hard to sometimes be easy on yourself. Yesterday one of the most over-riding thoughts was that I had somehow failed myself.

Strangely enough I have had bouts with OCD and GAD in the past which just somehow resolved themselves. In fact since I was a young teenager. Panic justs feels different right now but I imagine the healing process wll be much like you describe; where the good days will eventually begin to happen more often than the bad days.

Thanks again.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Hi Gene , thats quite a list you have there that make you anxious . But the good news is that you will get through them one at a time .

Definate progress in not feeling quite so bad the next day after a PA . And quite natural to feel exhusted , ive never known tiredness like it , and i had a child who hardly ever slept the first two years in his life

I honestly get what you said when you start to feel anxious when you try and do the relaxation and breathing exercises . I did . It took me months to get to where i am today . Now im not perfect but a heck of alot better at it . Its just pratice as much you can . I did it all through the day even if it was just a minute or two at a time . When i was washing up , playing with kids or even sat on pc . Anywhere i could .

The gym is a tough one , but get you im impressed . Thats quite a commitment as well . But if its something you love i suppose you find a way .

Best bit of advice and one i didnt do for along time is be kind to yourself . We have good days and bad days , eventually the good out weigh the bad .

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Thanks all

Thank you very much for the kind words. I really appreciate them. I don't feel all that bad today. A few hairy moments and definately more scary thoughts where I feel that I am going backwards. But I know that I am not. I am healing. It just isn't a linear process and it comes with many ups and downs. The fact that I don't feel all that bad today even after having a bad PA yesterday is what I would call progress and this forum has helped. I just feel tired I guess.

Faryal. Thanks for the advise. Yesterday I tried doing some visualisation/ meditation techniques to relax but they freaked me out even more. I find the sustained release method helps a bit but anything where I close my eyes try to relax just makes me more anxious. Sad... Things that cause me anxiety include; driving, going to work, coming home in the evenings, going to gym and lecturing. I did have one cup of coffee today when I got up. It doesn't bother me first thing in morning however. I have realised that it's the second cup that gets to me.

10 attacks a day! Wow. Well done for having gone through that. I hope your op goes well. And you did help :) I actually do the sport powerlifting so going to the gym is obviously mandatory. I find myself getting freaked out though when the gym is very busy. I like lifting weights, and it is great for my self-esteem, but I hate the gym!

I have never really used medication. The doctor gave me a few tablets of Alzam (I think this a diazapiene) but I have never really used many. Perhaps it would have helped. She also gave me some anti-depressants which my therapist reckons I shouldn't use them. He feels that my depression is reactionary in response to the panic disorder.

I feel quite happy today that at least I get to begin session three. Hope springs eternal, and all.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Genejockey, Just checking in to see how you are feeling so far? Have you had a coffee yet today? I do believe it's a good idea to cut down on the caffeine..........maybe even substitute with herbal teas instead if you can? I'm sure you've already considered this but practicing deep breathing or some form of meditation is very useful and is a good coping mechanism when you feel the anxiety rise. You said you get up, go to work and do things which cause you anxiety.........what things would these be? Faryal, Health Educator

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Bad PA today. Just venting.