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A bit discouraged at the moment...

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A bit discouraged at the moment...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Members,

You should all feel extremely proud of yourselves, and extremely fortunate to be a part of such a wonderful support community. I understand that some members may feel like they are disclosing too much information, however, each and every member is, or has, gone through the exact same thing, or has felt what others are feeling. You are all so caring and supportive toward one another, and that is a wonderful accomplishment in itself. I encourage you all to continue posting, as it seems to be beneficial to everyone. Like jhori92 said, there are many people who browse the forums before they post, so your posts, your words of wisdom and encouragement, and your commitment toward one another is extremely beneficial, and much appreciated.

Reward yourselves for all of your successes, focus on the positive, stay strong.....and keep up the great work!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Miki: Far as your husband is concerned, you're doing what you can, and doing good at that!

As far as the other people reading our stuff, I figure the only people who really see it are those who suffer from the same condition we do. We aren't on AOL or linked to any open field websites like that, so we aren't open to everyone...just people who search for it, or have been referred by someone who knows what this place is for. So your strength to be open might give them strength to do the same.

Aha, how many of us have started out by saying "I browsed through here for awhile before posting..."

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hiya Miki,

I sometimes get that feeling too like I am saying too much on here. But then you guys reassure me and I feel better. And as you said you get so much out of it, I find it worth putting myself out there. All of this to say I get what you said in your last paragraph and please feel free to say what you need here we all care for you.

As for the situation with your husband I am glad that our support makes you feel better. I am also glad that you take what we say in context and understand we are not trying to dig at him, we are trying to support you and take care of you. I think you are amazing and I am so very impressed and proud of everything you are accomplishing. I hope he relaizes soon how lucky he is to have someone like youin his life who is ready to fight so hard for him! And hey, you are a tough one. Even when you are scared you go out there and give it a try! Wow!

As for your day out playing sports with friends, well I think it is great that you had fun. Good for you! The best thing you can do right now is to have fun and build up your life and take care of yourself. Way to go.

I am sorry he felt angry at you not going out at night. I am sorry that he misunderstood you. I think it is very good though that you took the time to try and explain to him. And hey, one step at a time. Eventually youmight go out at night. Or maybe not! You might decide that anxiety or no youjust dont like it! Take it one step at a time, be proud of yourself for al you do. And just cause he likes to go out at night, does not mean you have to! Tonight, my husband will most likely go out with his buddy to play pool. I plan to stay home and watch a movie!

As for him caring about what others thing and being embarassed, I wish I had something great and wise and all that to say I don't. All I can say is that you deserve to be loved and accepted just the way you are. Hun, you are so great and you are strong and caring and a lovely person. You deserve to be understood and accepted with the anxiety and everything. I am not trying to dig at him I swear. You love him and that matters to me. But I do want you to understand that you deserve to be accepted just the way you are. And like CD, I hope he sees all you do for him and sees what it means, that you love him.

Anyway, hun, sending you hugs and wishing you a great evening. Seems I am in a ranting, write novels type of mood so I will cut my losses and go now, but remember we are here for you, we support you and we want more news of you!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Cornish Dee and Genejockey, Thanks so much for the inputs, massive cyber huggles back.

I really appreciate everyones concern even if it's digging at him. I feel the support and care and thank you so much for it. And so I don't think I'm getting zilch from it.. I get a lot of it from you guys and it reminds me to give it to myself... all the credit. It would be GREAT if I can get it from him.... but I guess, it just shows me more about what he's like. Yesterday, I went to play sports with my friends and I was able to have fun and a peaceful time. My friends invited me to their place after to make dinner, but I went home to ask if hubby wanted to come along. He said no, and I said no too because I was worried I might get a PA at night. I would have forced myself to go if he wanted to... After I said this he got angry because he thought I didn't want to go because he didn't go. I explained to him my deal and he was like "whatever". but now I realize that if I don't want to go, I shouldn't go, especially for him. This makes me thinks he feels pressured. He seems to really care what other people think and I think he's embarrassed about me for not being a normal kid. I know all this time he's had to explain to people when he'd go out without me, why I was not participating, and that's probably what stressed him out the most. I think also since he enjoys social outings he thinks that I should enjoy it too.

I feel a bit embarrassed at times at how much information I give out on these forums. Maybe I should be more cautious... I don't know who's reading this... But I benefit a lot from it.. so I guess it's worth it.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

This forum just goes to show that some people really do care about others. Sometimes people in our lives who have not experienced real panic can be patronising. But in reality our loved ones do care. They just don't understand.

At least here we have the opportunity to relate to one another.

I am seeing a therapist. The human touch does help. It also helps alot with irrational thought when somebody else can affirm that they are indeed irrational.

Don't downplay your accomplishments. Doing anything with fear is not easy. It makes you brave for facing your fear.

My wife is also depressed. It makes it so difficult to deal with the anxiety when your spouse is also dealing with problems. Couples feed off each others problems. You really can't force somebody else to be happy. Let him know that you care and that's about all you can do.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Oh Miki come here *massive cyber huggles* .

Diva wrote everything i wanted to but didnt want to upset you even more . I still cant believe how brave and well you are doing . Im in awe of you hun . You are definately a much stronger person than a few months ago thats a pleasure to see . But what tugs my heart is seeing all your effort and getting zilch back . I hope that yout husband realizes soon how much you have done/accomplished for him . I know it sounds like we are digging at him and i dont honestly want to , its just we care about you .

Take care sweetie we are over your shoulder !

Love CD x

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Diva, your post made me cry. Thanks so much for being there. I really needed every word you said. Genejocky, Thanks so much for the support also. Hello Silvie, everything that I've tried so far is being separated from my "protectors", being with him after he comes back from work, cooking and trying my best to make myself happy by going to school and doing things for myself that I consider accomplishments while having scary anxiety symptoms. Today, I also asked him if he wanted to play catch with me but he said no. I'm going to try to go to his baseball game this weekend to cheer him on. DazedMommy, that is true he needs adjustment too... but he doesn't care about anything anymore. Thank you all for your inputs, I've said this many times, but I'm glad to have met you all.

Today, I talked to him again, and said that I notice he doesn't care about anything. He said that that's right. I asked him if he's blaming me and he didn't answer. I told him that when I said those words to him, I was blaming him for not making me happy. But I learned that happiness comes from yourself, just like what Diva said. He didn't say anything.. he said he doesn't care anymore.. he's getting out of the military by next year, which he's excited about so, presently he hates his job. He said he's never going to school again. And all he does is play games. He doesn't consider me into anything he does, he takes care of his laundry and eats whenever he's hungry. I feel soooo isolated... and I try to focus on myself instead by going to school and stuff, but it's all so scary to me. I feel so alone except when I'm here.. (notice I'm here a lot lately!!) And I end up thinking about him when I don't even notice. But I'm still not going to give up.. it's only been 4 days since I moved back... and I have other alternatives for myself like, finding a job and stuff, but of course a little bit later, after I calm down a bit. I told him that I love him and I care that he's happy. I told him that I will keep hoping that one day he'll be happy. I asked him if he wants to be happy and he said "That would be nice, but oh well." I told him I'm sorry for what I said and that I made a mistake being human and that we both expected a lot from each other and forgot to accept. He's still playing his game as he's cursing at it. I need to find me a therapist.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hello Miki!

Wow I am so impressed with you and so proud of you! You are an amazing woman.

I truely get how it is to have such bad days! I think we all get them. And hey with a move and going back to school, who can blame you for feeling stressed! So be kind to yourself and celebrate your successes!

On top of all that you still went swimming and shopping and that is big. Way to go. You are such a trooper. As for not going to class here and there, I do that too and overall I did really well in school and graduated. So hang in there and remember you don't need to be perfect about it!

There are a few other things I want to say. I don't mean to be too outspoken or meddlesom or anything. And if I overstep my boundaries I apologize profoundly. Here goes. I keep hearing about all the things you do to make things better for you two and all the steps you are taking. I keep hearing about all the stuff you try to understand about him and how you try to understand what he is going through. I see all the efforts you are putting in there. But when I see you say that you depressed him and took the light out of him that makes me sad and worried and kinda angry. Nobody is responsible for somebody elses depression! Nobody is responsible for somebody elses light. And when I see you blaming yourself I just want to give you a big hug and tell you that it is NOT your fault! Sure you had a fight. Sure you said rough things. You made a mistake and you are human! I am sure he has made mistakes too. We all make mistakes! I have made similar mistakes with my husband and he has made those mistakes with me. And we forgive and love each other nonetheless! Now, I do not know if he blamed you but if he did understand his feelings but don't take that guilt onto yourself! You are not responsible for his happiness, he is! Yes we can make each other happy in a couple but only if we are willing to be happy. For example, I feel happy being with my husband and he feels happy being with me. But if he decides that nothing in the world will make him happy and that he is unhappy there is NOTHING I can do about, it is NOT my fault NOR my responsibility. Sure I can try and help and be supportive but he is the one who has to get better! Same aplplies here.

I think you are wonderful and you are trying hard. I also really do beleive he loves you and you two can work things out. I do, I really do. But I just wanted to make sure you understood that whatever it is you said to him that he feels hurt about, you are doing everything in your power to fix it. Give yourself some credit and cut yourself some slack. Mostly, you are not responsible for taking the light out of him. The person responsible for his light is HIM. Ok, end of rant! Again I am sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.

As for all your successes I am super impressed with you! I also wanted to echo DM. It is an adjustment for you and for him. Give it time. It is like stepping into a river. As you walk in the muck at the bottom floats up and makes the water hard to see through. But once all that settles to the bottom, the water gets clear again. This is a transition period, so give it time. You are doing so much to fix this. You are doing great.

Oh and as al the others have said, please feel free to come vent here anytime, we are here for you. And I promise not to rant too much. Hugs to you and once again congratulations on being so tough and brave!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Hi Miki

We all feel that way some days! Just remember the progress you have up until this point. You must have had good days where you experienced less anxiety than usual. I always feel the worst by far when I am depressed as well as anxious. Just remember that you deserve to get better! Today is a good day for me. We must remember the better days! And on the bad days just vent away.

Good luck.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1288

Miki, Come vent whenever you'd like! You say you've done everything you could at this point.. may we ask what that was? Is there anything you could think of that you haven't tried yet? Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

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A bit discouraged at the moment...