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Characteristics of alcoholic or dysfunctional householdsI thought it might be a point of discussion

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Characteristics of alcoholic or dysfunctional householdsI thought it might be a point of discussion

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Great thread and inspiring to see such wonderful support. Wishing each of you continued success along your journey to better health! Vincenza, Health Educator

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Hello All!

I am just checking in to say hello and to see how everyone is doing. Thanks for the information about the program Dave, I have not purchased the program yet but have had success using what was available on the App. Thanks!

Zoey, glad to hear you are progressing in a positive direction, keep up the work. It also sounds like talking to your husband was a step in the right direction. Best of luck to you.

As for me, I am trying to take some time away from computers, phones, etc. It has been a heck of a year for me and need time to just be. Hopefully with some time I will know what it is that I want and how to get there.

Have a great night!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Lynn,

Apologies for the delayed response. Regarding the Paul McKenna stuff, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules to it. Like any resource I'd say the key is consistency at first and use it as often as a you want\ feels right.

How do you find the sleeplessness relates to the topic of the Characteristics of Alcoholic or Dysfunctional Households? Do you think the added stress may be a cause of the sleeplessness?

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Kez,

I read your post and just wanted to say "Well done!". And your post wasn't a rant at all. Quite the opposite. It was a great example of empowering yourself and not trying to control stress and anxiety with alcohol. That took a lot of courage and was definitely uncomfortable but you couldn't have become "unstuck" from the trigger > reaction (alcohol) if you hadn't done it. And that intuitive voice? That is YOU talking. The only reason the other one is so much louder is because you're conditioned to listening to that one and you need to continue to shut it down so you learn to hear the one that counts. The one that deserves the respect, love, and attention....

There is something that may be worth making note of and that is something that has been brought up a few times. It is the "end goal" of being good all week (which sounds a lot like stuffing or suppressing your own needs) and then pulling the cork on drinking. By doing that, aren't we developing and strengthening the drinking problem? Is rewarding ourselves with drinking for not drinking kind of a paradox or contradiction in goals? Does our week bother us that much that we need to drink to find relief from the anxiety of it? If that is true, where do we draw the line when the ....... really hits the fan. I guess my point is...as the consumption increases we often take liberties with these boundaries (our week) and they become looser and looser until we get to the point where......we are now. Rewarding ourselves with mind altering substances as a response to release pent up emotion is never a good plan. Kez did a great job of describing the fact that we don't need to fall victim to the triggers of circumstance to resolve our anxiety. Yes, having a drink may SEEM like a quick win, but as Kez so rightly explains, the emotions are only masked by the alcohol, not resolved.

Great post Kez! I hope the rest of the weekend went well for you. Looking forward to hearing more observations.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Hey Zoey,

It sounds as though your conversation with your husband was a good thing. It seemed to have revealed some issues that have been ignored. It sounds as though he will be very supportive in your journey.

As I read about your move I related because in the past few months I have wondered if that is why my drinking escalated. At the time I thought that it had nothing to do with the move but maybe in some way it did. I am used to having my family and friends nearby, moving changed that. I am not one for change, was at my old job for over 20 years. I guess this is one reason it is so hard to break this habit of alcohol.

This weekend has been good for me, it has given me a chance to think about what I want and what I don't. I know I don't want to drink during the week and I am going to stick to that plan for now.

How are you doing today? In the past Sunday is an AF day for you, if so stay strong!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Hi Lynn,

I hope you had a nice evening. You are doing great. Keep up the good work...

It was not what I expected. I think I will get the support I need.. We have done a lot of talking. He has noticed that I have been drinking more than I thought but never said anything to me..

You see last year we also made a major life change. We moved across the country leaving all our family behind..

It has not been easy.. He blamed himself for taking the new job and let me do what he thought would make me happy..

I don't blame him for my drinking.. We all have choices in life, I choose to drink to try to fill a void. Each day I reflect back and am now seeing alcohol will not fill anything only make things worst.. I drank for years so the move was just an excuse I used to drink more...

I am starting to really see a lot of things more clearly.. As I said moderation is not my plan...AF is.. I will continue my plan for now and each day I'm AF. That's a step towards my goal..

Have a great day all..

The Journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.....Lao Tzu

Zoey

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Zoey,

I meant to reply to you in the last post but obviously posted before I did! You asked if my partner noticed. She did not/could not because I was not with her this week. I will make this as short as possible---My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years. Until August of this year we lived together and then I had an opportunity for a job that could not be turned down. I was very hesitant to even mention it to her in the beginning but once I did she was very supportive, telling me to “GO FOR IT!” It involved me moving almost 4 hours away, moving into an apartment, leaving our dogs, and our home. Over the past year we have tried to see each other every weekend but sometimes it was every other weekend. Throughout the year I have continued to receive support from her and we will continue with the situation. The entire reason for this move is our future. I am 48 and within 10 years, this job will greatly enhance my retirement.

So, to answer your question, she did not know because I was at the apartment, which was probably for the best. I have been through the struggle and know that I can do it. Because it is summer (I teach) I will be dividing my weeks between our home and the apartment. I am sure she will notice when I am not drinking, it is going to interesting her response. There has been only a handful of times that she has not seen me drinking in 6 years.

How did your husband respond? Was it what you expected?

Hope you have a good day!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Kez,

Thank you so much for your response. Your “ranting” was probably just what I needed to hear. It sounds so much like me. I can totally relate to your experience last night, having to wait out that horrible anxiety. Congrats to you for sticking it out.

We will be with you today, thinking and supporting you. Post if you need encouragement, I am sure someone will be here to respond. Have a wonderful time today and let us know how it goes!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Dave,

You mentioned taking "the road less traveled", very funny you mentioned that. I started reading that book years ago and picked it up the other day to begin reading it again. I am looking forward to getting into it, I think there will be many sections that speak to me.

I have a question about the Paul Mckenna plan, is your sleep supposed to be corrected after the 7 day program or is it something that you need to continue to listen to? Either way, it works and do not mind listening to him if it makes me go to sleep. I have only been able to listen to the first night, I guess that is all the intro will allow? I plan to buy the program, just wanted to know what to expect.

Thanks,

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Hi Lynn,

I think that maybe it's all part of the process. I try to tell myself never to regret or feel too badly about anything, as long as you take the time to think about what you may have learned about yourself (and others) in the process. You are clearly committed to this process and this was just another part of it. You needed to see what would happen. And you took something from it. The voice in the back of my head (intuition, like Dave talks about, I guess) always says I don't need that drink. But the other voice (the louder, more superficial one) usually wins out. I think that intuitive voice just needs to given more respect, love and attention.

I often ask myself whether I'm better off drinking throughout the week (but trying to limit myself) so that I don't see Friday as some "end goal" - my prize for being good for the week is that I can have a few drinks (which always leads to too many). On Thursday of this week, without getting in to too much detail, I was faced with one of my triggers. I reacted as I usually do, and had a beer in my hand from the minute the trigger hit until I went to bed. It was the wrong choice. It's a way for me to subdue the shaking and the anxiety without changing my emotions noticeably on the outside (so that husband and son don't notice). Of course the end results of that weren't great. The next day was not as good as it could have been. Last night (Friday), it happened again, but this time, I thought of you guys. Maybe I tried a bit harder because I knew it was Friday and I had been following your thoughts this week, Lynn.. I removed myself from the situation, I was down in my closet (hehe) and I stuck out the anxiety until it was gone. I hugged my dogs, I called someone and left a voicemail about what was happening. I have never done anything like that before; I have never dodged a trigger without doing something self destructive. It was really empowering. And you know what I realized? I realized that the feelings are real. I usually just blamed them on the alcohol because I had never seen them through sober. I just decided I made up all the crap because of the booze. But without the booze, the feelings were still real. It was validating. I know that I am new here and I have kind of just jumped into these conversations, but I have you great people who I have just met to thank for helping me do something I have never done before. For giving me a safe place.

Lynn, thank you for thinking about me and the event today. My strategy is going to be just what you said : be mindful. And I am going to try to remember how good it felt to not minimalize my insecurities by drowning them with alcohol. I'll remember you awesome people and how strong you all are....

I'm sorry I kinda ranted here. Thank you guys for sharing your experiences here and Lynn don't let one night eclipse the hard work and success you had this week.

have a good saturday everyone

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Characteristics of alcoholic or dysfunctional householdsI thought it might be a point of discussion