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Characteristics of alcoholic or dysfunctional householdsI thought it might be a point of discussion

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Characteristics of alcoholic or dysfunctional householdsI thought it might be a point of discussion

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Lynn,

Great post and thank you for sharing your experience and ideas on how the day went. It really made me think about challenges in general and how we handle them or don't handle them. One of the great tragedies in life is that we go against our own intuition when we are faced with a challenge and follow the flow of the masses rather than decide to intuitively "swim up stream" against the current. Even worse is when we're made to feel bad or uncomfortable about our choices, often by people who don't understand or are dominated by their own fears. Only speaking for myself, I can recall very clear instances in my life where this has happened and it always worked against me. Growing up in the environment I did, speaking out or going against the grain was taboo and we were made to feel bad about our choices and independent thought. How nice it was to find alcohol and relieve this stress and exercise some independent choice and even find acceptance by the people who were suppressing my choices. Slowly but surely it erodes our confidence and self-efficacy and leads to bigger problems.

Lynn, your making great progress and you seem to intuitively know where you need go and sometimes we get right the first time and other times it require some experimentation to ease into the decision. I really admire your strength and courage for what you're doing. Maybe spend a bit more time on the 'road less traveled' as it's seems to be the better choice at the moment? Just a thought....

All the best,

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Well, I did and I wish I had not. I know we all say that after we drink but I really wish I had not. For whatever reason; testing myself, not sure of myself, etc., I felt I had to know.

This is the powerlessness the book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about. The utter inability to leave it. There is this blind spot some of us run into prior to the first drink where we forget about the consequences but just think about that one drink that gives us the ease and comfort but then once we take that drink all bets are off. We are off to the races. I would be puzzled too every time this happened to me. A few days, weeks later my mind would forget about all those incidences and just lure me into thinking I could handle it this time. Just one drink nothing more. And I would succumb. And then the vicious cycle. And then I would isolate due to the guilt remorse and pain the next day.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Lynn, I wish I had all the answers also.. I think you know what you want. You can and will do it.

Did your Partner notice you didn't drink this week? Did she see a difference in you? My husband did with me..

I have not told him everything but some. It will take a little longer.

Any accomplishment is a very big one ... Yours was awesome this week.

I never went anywhere... And won't for a long time. I need all you awesome people...

Good night

Zoey.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Dave, Zoey, Kez,

Thank you so much for your thoughts and support as I have gone through this week. Today was not met with the expectation that I had expected. I had thought I would be sooooo excited that my 4 days ways over it was "OK" to drink. I was not excited but undecided. Wondering if I should or not. I came into this wanting to stop during the week, something I had not done since the early 90's. Well, I did and I wish I had not. I know we all say that after we drink but I really wish I had not. For whatever reason; testing myself, not sure of myself, etc., I felt I had to know. Well, now I know. It is really not worth it. I won't lie, the first few drinks were great but then as we know, what then? I guess we wouldn't be here if we knew the answer to that! Tonight gives me something else to think about. Maybe rethink my goals and what I REALLY want. In the the short term I will give my partner a sober partner on a Saturday night, something she has not had since we met.

Kez, I know you will be facing a drinking battle tomorrow. My advice, really think about the drinks you take. Only you know how many you can have before it becomes endless ( I learned this tonight). Only you know why you want to take that drink, when you will allow yourself to take that drink. As I sit here posting, I wish I had not taken that drink. I wish that meant that I wouldn't take another drink but I don't know, which means I probably will.

Zoey, so glad you are back with us!

Take care and have a good night!

P.S. Dave, your blog is on the list of things to do!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Lynn,

Feeling tired and weary is normal and I felt exactly the same way. You body will sort itself out given the chance. Stick to your goals and do what you feel is right and makes sense to you. Trust YOUR intuition and relax into it. You've done really great and you're building a solid foundation to move forward. Great job! I posed the questions to get you thinking because sometimes we need that extra sense of perspective. I hope your weekend goes great and you take the time to enjoy the things that are truly important to you like your partner, family and friends (alcohol really isn't important in the great scheme of things).

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Hi Lynn,

I thought of you today because I could relate to your thoughts about what Friday would bring. Fridays are always a bit dicey for me and especially so this week since I joined this site. Whatever you decided this evening, I hope that you were happy with your decision! It seems like you are really staying focused.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Dave,

To begin, thanks for the thoughtful questions and responses. First of all, no, have not done any type of detox but probably need to. I have been in a bit of denial about how much I have been drinking. Despite sleeping VERY good for 2 nights, the following days were very tired and weary for me. At first I tried to discount these symptoms as tough workouts, etc. but stopped myself and let my biology background take control and made myself realize that it was withdrawal from alcohol. I will be looking into some liver detox.

As for the weekend. When I decided to do this I set my goal for 4 nights of being AF because it was something I had not done since becoming a daily drinker. Earlier in the week I would have thought that this morning would be met with excitement because I knew I had given myself “permission” to drink tonight if I choose. I have gone back and forth the last day or so whether to drink tonight. I actually think that if I do I will feel disappointed if I drink. However, I do want to continue not drinking during the week, which was my first goal when I started this. Right now I feel if I DON’T drink this weekend I will not be strong enough to make it to the next weekend to have a drink?and I don’t want to take a drink during the week to break my goal.

I can’t believe that I am going to say this, but I can actually see myself becoming AF or just taking a drink every month or so. Days ago, I would have never said that. I know that being 4 night AF is small, and that is an ambitious, but it is one that I see happening---in the future.

I have work commitments this morning but will certainly check out your blog and respond.

Everyone take care and have a blessed day!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Lynn,

That's awesome your sleeping is starting to re-balance itself. Yes, I've used the Paul McKenna audio programs before. I quite like them and the deep state they put you into. It took a bit to get my sleeping habits back to normal but the first week of not drinking\ detoxing was quite the mental\ physical experience. Are you doing anything to help detox your liver? i.e hot water with a fresh slice of lemon? A question for you Lynn? You're doing really great right now and it's completely understandable why the weekend would be of concern because they can be real triggers for drinking. How do think you'll feel if do drink? You already know the effects of catching a buzz but do you think you're going to be happy about it on Sunday? Will you be saying "You know, I should have just not drank because it didn't do much for me.." Will it feel like a slight step in the wrong direction? I ask because you really deserve a break and the liquor store (or grocery store) where buy it won't run dry if you don't drink this weekend. On the other hand, if you don't drink, will you feel empowered, better rested, and happy with your self-confidence on Sunday? Yes, you may have a bit of anxiety, but maybe not....? And so what if you do. I can think of much more painful things than being at odds with yourself for a short period of time. It's all a learning experience so there is no right or wrong but what does your intuition tell you?

I know what you mean about the list.....it's a bit of a revelation and very relevant as it gives us a reference to work with and identify perceptions and characteristics that are holding us in that feedback loop that may stop us from moving forward. Unmet needs need to be resolved and met so can open new doors in our relationships (calm assertiveness is a great start). I wrote something in my blog this week that is kind of an observation on how we develop these perception\habits. Let me know if it makes sense as I had fun writing it and got some laughs at myself when I considered the ideas and wrote it.

Day 4 and onto Day 5! You rock Lynn! Huge "high-five's" on that one! Keep up the great work. It's all positive. And thank you as you and the others here are a great inspiration.

Kez, glad it helped. Looking forward to hearing your insights on the subject.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Dave,

Those characteristics that you posted struck a nerve! My parents rarely drank when I was growing up. My mom was a “Stay At Home Mom” and put a lot of effort into her job. My dad left for work every day and came home every day at the same time. I knew my parents loved me but like Kez, the nurturing, communication, and closeness were not there. The points make a lot of sense. I will certainly re-read them to determine their effect on my situation.

On a brighter note! Is it possible for my sleeping problem to have been corrected with only a few days of being AF?? As you know the first night of being AF was not very good, maybe 3 hours total. The 2^nd night was much better. I woke many times during the night but was able to go back to sleep and woke yesterday morning refreshed. Last night I woke less and slept off and on about 9 hours! This is something that I didn’t do WITH alcohol! Is my body just exhausted? Is this too good to be true? I did begin the Paul McKenna program last night, not sure if that has anything to do with it but will definitely do it again tonight! If I may ask, have you used that personally?

Today will be #4 AF. First time in about 13-14 years. I find that I am not afraid of this evening without alcohol but seem to be more nervous about the answer to my question tomorrow night, “Do I want a drink?” But…one day at a time.

Thanks for being here for us Dave, it really helps!

Zoey, if you are reading this I hope all is well.

Jewel, KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

Wishing everyone a good day!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Dave I just read these, and.... wow. Thank you for sharing.

I didn't grow up in an alcoholic household but but pretty dysfunctional in terms of communication, nurturing, and closeness. Pretty much of all those points speak to me. Again, thank you for sharing, you are a very insightful man!

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Characteristics of alcoholic or dysfunctional householdsI thought it might be a point of discussion