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Went to bed angry

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

Good Job. A week already.

And no offense but I am pretty sure you will have more day like that Thursday.lol.

that is very nice of you to help your neighbour. Maybe you can spend some time with him when you need an afternoon chat.

And keep on venting. I am all ear!!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Thanks Sam. I'm doing alright. Not drinking. Cleaned a little bit of a cluttered closet. Only went out to walk the pooch. I am slowly accepting what is going to happen Sunday. If it's a nice day, I'll attempt to walk to that afternoon meeting. I need local people here in the program. I need to pick up the phone and talk to them. I can't do all my dumping here. I need to get out in the afternoon with successful sober people.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day. I will get out - have my list ya know - may pick up something for a neighbor who is homebound in a wheelchair. A new harness for his service dog.

I got that birthday card off in the mail to my friend of 32 years. I told him how I appreciated our lengthy friendship. Hope it brings a smile to his face when he receives it. He's had a very crappy year.

Tomorrow will be my 7th day clean. I don't ever want another Thursday like the last one.

Thanks again!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi Tallone,

Continue to post, vent and rant all that you need to. That's what we are here for! It sounds like you have been experiencing a few frustrating situations as of late, do what you must to stay focused on your goals. You are making a significant change in behaviour and you must protect this. It might be helpful to communicate with those around you about your goals and let them know what they can do to help you succeed. Also explain to them what you will be doing to work on things and how important it is to you. As you mentioned, take things in stride, work on this at a comfortable pace.

I hope that logistics work out and you are able to attend a meeting in your area soon, let us know how it goes. In the meantime, we are always here for you, strive forward and lean on us for support.

Samantha, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Now THAT is an excellent idea!!!! Thanks!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

i have poor attention span too. but what helped me was the audio version of the book. its wonderful to download them on ipod/mp3 players and hear them.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

That's what I like. A personal message that tells me how you are getting help. I know written material will help me sooner rather than later. I think we all strive for the same destination but take different roads. Right now, I cannot pick up a book and concentrate. I will again one day. I want to.

Thank you for understanding. Maybe I take life too seriously and need to lighten up. I KNOW I've been beating myself up my whole life. I just don't want to end up unaware or aloof about what's important. I stuffed my feeling for so long they're just pouring out of me.

I know about the steps. I am comfortable with admitting I'm an alcoholic and my life has become unmanageable. I remind myself of that every moment of the day. I'm not rushing to do all the work necessary to achieve complete serenity. It will come in time.

I am caught up in emotions. I feel like the skin has been ripped off my body and I am all exposed nerves. My recovery will be a process, like a work of art, and will take time.

Thank you, Foxman!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

i used to be angry at stuff not going my way. today, most of the time i don't. the problem with us is we don't realize that. we are caught up with the emotions. the steps helped me to become spiritually fit. i let the events un fold and be alright with it. Another book that greatly helped me was Power of Now. if you have time please read it, hope you find it modern. Like the wine in new bottle, its the same spiritual teaching for modern age.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Hi Foxman! Thanks again for a reply to my post. If you don't mind, I'm using this site as a venting spot. It's keeping me from drinking.

I feel your intentions are good, but I'd rather hear from others that can relate to my feelings and situations rather than having a book quoted to me passage by passage. I find it a bit preachy. I think you mean well.

If you think I'm too talky, then maybe this isn't the place for me after all. I have alot bottled up inside me.

After all, there seems to be only a small handful of people here that actually contribute and speak from the heart.

And please don't be "sorry" for me. I am not here to be pitied. Related to, yes. Pitied, no.

I'm not angry, but I want to be clear on what I expect from posting and using the tools. I AM getting help here.

Besides, that book you like to quote was written nearly 70 years ago. I'd know it's helped gazillions of people over the decades, but times and venacular have changed over the generations.

I'd like to hear about your personal experiences with battling this problem. Can we relate that way and be friends?

Have a great day!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I am so sorry about your circumstances. But i want to point you to the main problem of an drunk: (this is from the book called AA):

Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 50

Yes, folk, I have anger issues too. Just full of surprises, aren't I?

After discovering the AA meeting I was looking for no longer existed, drudging around in the rain, discovering a "friend" who owes me money had lied to me yet once again (I think I"ll write the cash off for good), couldn't get the meal I wanted, let alone cook what I DID get beacause my wife had an engagement after work that she only told me about at 4:45 PM. She knew about it for a week! Losing another hunk of retirement funds in this crazy market, election results scaring me, the oil spill scaring me MORE and then the clincher....

My wife's 50th birthday is Sunday next. I've planned a really nice dinner at our favorite restaurant in the city and the surprise is that several friends from out of town will be joining us there. This is Saturday night. I'm not planning on drinking. I bought her a fine foot bath / heated foot massager with nice tea oils to soak in and a huge DVD box set of her favorite TV show from years ago. Also I'm getting her a new piece of furniture. I'll take her to pick it out. A nice cozy chair she's always wanted.

Here's the problem. She's a twin, so her twin sister has a 50th birthday on Sunday too. Now they say that when Geminis are born twins, they don't both have the legendary dual-personalities, that one comes out normal and the other a psycho. I am with the normal one.

I suggested, unselfishly, that my wife spend Sunday with her twin sister. The sister and I dislike each other immensely. I don't want to see her, have her in the house, let alone in the car. She's accused me of things I never did, lied to her family about me and essentially destroyed any hope for me of having a good rapport with my inlaws. She's very calculating, yet very alone. I feel sorry for her, but consider her dangerous. My wife has tried unsuccessfully to get her sister to apologize to me for years. I know what a strong bond twins have and still encourage my wife to be in her sister's life.

My intent was for my wife to meet up with her sister in the city, go to dinner, a museum, a show, a movie. whatever. Just to spend the day together. I also wanted the sister to know it was my idea and a gift from me for them to share the day together. I could easily have hijacked my wife this Sunday to do these things together and forget about the evil twin altogether.

Think I was thanked? Forget it. What the twin decided to do, and yes, it's their birthday and my wife could say no if she wanted, if to have my wife take our car into the city, pick up the twin, and drive 100 odd miles to spend the day in a casino. They don't even play the same games!!! So mileage on the car, and darn, I don't even want the twin in it, so today I'm cleaning out the car, taking all my music out so there's nothing to complain about. I don't like my wife to be so far away with the car. But she said yes, and that's what she's doing, so I have to live with it. Happy Birthday.

Now that I won't have the car Sunday, that ONLY afternoon meeting in my neighborhood may not see me, unless I take a taxi. I was going to make an evening meeting yesterday, my wife didn't know about the 1 PM shut-down, so she asked me to do something which made the 7 PM meeting impossible.

Is it wrong to want to feel appreciated or am I THAT needy. I know my wife loves and appreciates me, but I had a really crappy day and needed a little bit more.

She's not getting the importance of my desire for a meeting.

Waiting for my old therapist to find a temporary slot for me.

I didn't drink about it. Not planning on drinking today either.

Went to

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Went to bed angry