yes it is wise to focus on the benefits of not drinking so here we go....
1. No more hangovers!
2. No more lying and hiding bottles and drinking in sketchy places like a weirdo
3. Not spending cash on booze
4. No more embarrassing behavior, drama and such
5. Feels good to tell friends I'm on my 6th month of sobriety
6. Not getting sick all the time
7. Not doing stupid things that hurt people and myself
8. Not being bruised up from head to toe from walking into stuff.
9. Remembering everything
10. Not having affairs
11.Not damaging my reputation anymore
12. Maybe I can help someone else someday.
That last idea came to me last night while writing in my journal. It really hit me how far I'd come. Detox, rehab program,therapy, medication, surviving xmas, NYE and the death of my best buddy my cat. I remember sitting in the park last summer drinking a tall boy and talking to a woman I didn't know on the phone who was a 10+ years recovered alcoholic. She knew where I was. I was so scared to stop drinking. I couldn't imagine making it to 6 months. It's such a different feeling from where I was to where I am.
When I would look into the eyes of AA speakers and know they had been where I had been I didn't really think I would be the one to make it. The only one in my family to face it and actually stop it. I truly believed that drinking was part of who I am. Like if I was a barbie doll I would come with a beer accessory.
I am still baffled by people who don't care about drinking. They could take it or leave it. Everyday I have to remind myself why I do not pick up the bottle. I drift into fantasy lands 5 or 10 years into the future and think maybe I'll be able to drink like a normal person. Logically I know that it probably won't ever be something I can handle. It's so seductive the idea of being able to have wine with dinner or beer at the cottage. I look at the people who choose not to drink and wonder how are they so comfortable without it?
Alcohol can allow you to live your life in unacceptable ways. Ways you would never live sober. Lying, hiding, bonding with people because you're both smashed. Keeping bad company with other sick people. Feeding off each other.. None of it is real.
I'm shocked at how I was living with alcohol. What a fantasy land/ nightmare. Never knowing what the next day would hold. I could lie to myself about everything. I could totally ignore the ship sinking and feel great about it. I'm so glad I don't have kids.
It's amazing how alcohol warps your mind over time. I've got 20 years of warping to deal with. And guess what? All the problems that I used drinking to sooth are still exactly where I left them.
