I'm so glad I googled this site up. I have been lying to myself for the longest time, getting it into my head that alcoholics are people that only drink everyday and all day. I've finally come to realise that I have an alcohol problem.
I started drinking around 14, usually partying on the weekends with friends. A couple of drinks used to get us drunk, sometimes we'd hang out on weekdays and just sit around drinking. Somehow without realizing it, as I got older those couple of drinks kept turning into more and more. I've lost count over the past few years how many drinks I take a night - I'm guessing somewhere around 15-20. And somewhere along the line all the drinking got mixed up with drugs which didn't help, I used drugs so I could drink even more. My wake up call came last Saturday night - I left my house to a drinking session with friends on Friday and ended up partying all the way until Saturday. I ended up sobering up in a total strangers apartment the next day realizing I didn't know where I was, who I was with or where my car was parked. As usuall, I had huge gaps in my memory and have no recolection of what happened most of the night. I realised that every time I had these binges, it always started with that first innocent drink, never something I planned. It used to not be such a problem, but more recently I've been missing work because the hangovers and withdrawal was making me stay in bed all day. My friends have also said I've become a different person when I drink, usually very violent or really dumb, and I've ended up doing some really really stupid things. When I hear stories of what I did, I could never really accept it, it sounded made up to me becasue I couldnt remember doing any of it. I've had some pretty bad things happen in my life, ironically most are alcohol related - but instead of learning from them I guess I just used them as excuses for punishing myself even more.
I know now that this isnt something I can controll, I've tried so many time to limit myself but it never works. Best way for me to control my drinking is not to not even start I guess. The weekend is approaching, I only hope I can have the guts to stick to this. I need to stop drinking.
