Well I haven't been around here since May and I suppose I should reintroduce myself. I am 32, female, and a smoker for 15 years. I started late, but have struggled with quitting since my 3rd year into this trap. I've ridden a roller coaster and tried every method out there short of accupunture (I hate needles). I've wasted a lot of time and money on smoking and failed quit attempts.
This last attempt ended abruptly when my lovely (now 11 years old) Husky was diagnosed with auto immune lupus. It's been a rough summer dealing with my girls (10 and 7) and preparing them to the fact that Silver is going to die. She has been stable on her prednisone all summer, until this last week when she got a small cut in her gums that bleed profusely. Did blood tests and seems her liver is also shot. So well even though a few big bowls of ice water staunched the bleeding long enough for that to heal, with her liver it is only a matter of time. On the other hand the dog acts as if nothing is wrong is still her happy exuberant self.
So well to concentrate on me and quitting smoking has not really been an option with the dog, soccer, pharm tech classes, working full time and all the other stuff summer brings....
This last week though just having to really look at the true reality that our dog, who really truly has become a part of family, is going to die...then a having to explain it to my children and prepare them for that....made me realize that well me smoking is only set myself up for another such confrontation.
Sure they'll be older, but it won't be any easier to look at them and tell them that mommy is going to die because she couldn't quit smoking. And the indecision (actually total lack of decision) on my husbands part of what to do about the dog doesn't show me I'll have much help in that process when my addiction finally catches up with me.
He told me just last night that the reason I don't quit is because I am weak...I don't believe I am weak, but perhaps to a small extent he is right. Because to quit smoking obviously requires more strength than I have.
So here's where I'm at....I am 90% committed to quit smoking and I'm afraid that may be as close as I get. I've been preparing for this since the beginning of August. I don't think I could be anymore ready than I am now. If I wait any longer it's just gonna turn into another one of those things I'm gonna do tomorrow....and tomorrow never comes. So starting today at this hour I'll be smoke free. Will it last? I'm not very confident. There is a tremendous amount of fear in this decision. I'm going to give it all I have regardless.
Tennielle
My Milage:My Quit Date: 7/3/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 74
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,480
Amount Saved: $370.00
Life Gained:Days: 5
Hrs: 19
Mins: 31
Seconds: 27