Hello. I am a 42 year-old who is just coming to terms with the idea that I suffer from panic attacks. In 2001 I survived several pulminary emboli, and was alone when they occurred, having to get myself to the hospital with, so I was later told, only about 4 hours of "life" left, had I not recognized the signs.
I therefore have something 'tangible' to be anxious about. However, I have several other chronic conditions which surfaced at the same time - a blood disorder AND rhuemetioid arthritis!
When the panic attacks first started, about a year ago, even the doctors feared I had 'thrown another clot'...but when all tests came up negative, one doctor hinted at the PD idea...but that's as far as it went.
I have always been a loner, and am not an overly social being, so many of the "symptoms" of avoidance are just a part of my introverted nature...but, having said that, I was never like this as a teenager..it all began to change after some pretty violent incidents in my life as a young adult. I am only just coming to terms with the fact that, strong as I think I am, I have not managed to overcome the hidden memories and fears.
I feel I am on the brink of having to 'give in' to what I see as a personal weakness, and that, in itself, bugs the hell out of me! I SHOULD be able to deal with my own mind...but I guess I can't!
Currently, I am also trying to build a home-based business, and I work very hard every single day, worrying about where the next bill payment will come from, so I know that is part of the 'problem'...
Anyway, I just wanted to say how warm and welcoming this site is for someone who feels so very alone on this mysterious and often frightening journey through PD! I have never joined any such 'group' but once I found this site, I just felt right at home!
I am seeing my doctor on Monday, to discuss this matter for the first time, really...I'll be back!
Thanks for being here!
