Hi Jade. I totally feel ya. I know it sounds so... dumb but even aspirin and tylenol bother me. I dont like taking them. Not enough to not take them when i really need to, but enough to be uncomfortable if I have a simple head-ache or something ya know? The main things I started working on recently are: excepting my anxiety, what i mean is, being okay with having this. allowing myself to be a guy with a whole lotta anxiety lol. I can still feel myself wanting to rebel from that truthful statement. But I'm practicing this truth. Also, with me (something I really didn't notice which is sorta weird) but it became apperant thanks to a self help book (lucindia basset from panic to power) that i'm an obsessive thinker. And I didn't realize it until.. well.. I started paying attention to how I thought about things. Very negative, very obsessive. Nothing crazy, but for example.. if I got a chest pain, it'd go something like this *Chest Pain* "Oh my God. What was that!?" *Chest Pain* "Oh man i'm not having a heart attack am I!?" then the cold sweat hits me.. "Okay! Okay!... if this keeps up i'm going to call 911 and go to the hospital" *i'll get the phone and keep it near me..* "Oh God please don't let me die." This is a true story. One I hope none of you would ever experience. But thanks to this little word.. "STOP" i've gained some more control. Now I literally tell myself "Stop." when I start to think obsessivley about... well anything negative! a pain, someones personal opinion, a past arguement, past anything for that matter, just anything! thats negative. If its not a good, productive, empowering thought, its negative lol. You don't have to have this "sunshine and rainbows! happy happy" thought process 24/7, For people like us, i'd imagine that nearly impossible, but instead simply don't allow your mind to beat you up any more then it has. One other thing; the whole "stop" technique I adopted took two full days before i noticed any results. I almost gave up on it. But wow, this really is something you gotta work at. Something you must practice if you want to get good at it. Its helped me. And i wouldn't lie about something like this. Also try and think logically about your anxiety and panic, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. Just the other day I fe

Hey EJ.. i can totally relate with the being afraid to take medications cuz of the side effects. I start thinking to myself that taking something new might help but what if one of the side effects causes my heart to stop or my lung to collapse... sigh... I dont know if you have as extreme feelings as I do..but if you do or even if you dont, I relate, your so not alone. -jade

Hey Margaret Hi, Thanks for reply. I to am living with someone who has bi-polar disorder. So let me put it like this.. nearly everything you said, i understand. "i feel your pain!" I just hope your husbands understanding and is helpful to the best of his ability. I know his disorder is no cake walk. But.. niether is ours. It can be so tough sometimes, so dark and alone. But just remember that there are people like me, us, out there who know what your going through, whom suffer through each day just like you. We're here for you to talk to - and it helps.. to get these feelings out, paint the picture ya know? just knowing that someone else feels what i do is something i'm thankful for. But something i'd never want them to experience either. Just hang in there okay? let us know how your doin. your friend, e.j.

Hi, I can totally relate. I have been suffering on and off (mostly on) with panic/anxiety for years. My parents kind of understand but are of the old school where you just need to "snap out of it", cause I have kids. My husband understands but can't be of very much support a lot of the time because he's battling bi-polar disorder. Right now he is able to work so that helps a lot cause I can't. I have the same exact feelings and thoughts as you. I take ativan but I still have a lot of anxiety. I also suffer from chronic pain which has made the anxiety a lot worse. Sorry I can't be of much help. I just found this group the other day. I struggle from minute to minute.

Hey trish, I just wanted to thank you for replying. Its great to know someone cares. Thanks for sharing your story. I know what you mean about car rides. I can't stand being a passanger, and driving long distances bothers me, I usually notice a diffrence in how i feel when i get to where i'm going, almost like a state of relief when i pull into the parking lot or wherever I'm going. So I understand. I'm hanging in there, and I hope you feel better soon yourself. For me, todays been alright, much better then yesterday. I hope it keeps up :). *sigh.* Again, thanks and take care. your friend. e.j.

E.J., It can get better, one thing you will notice with this disorder is that it waxes and wanes, sometimes are better (and functional) than others. I have been where you are at currently, not working, petrified, alone (in essence that my friends scattered, however well intentioned they thought, they couldnt fathom my condition), and left work, and became in essence agoraphobic, I could not even drive. But I did reach a point of remission about 5 yrs into this condition, I was panic free, the horrible what if thought, planning my escape routes, etc. and able to drive and work again. I stayed that way for 3 years. I have relapsed, but I have a different attitude now, since I know I have reached a panic free point, at which time I thought I would never see, so I know that it can be done again. Welcome to the group, do try the weekly session programs here, they are free and very beneficial. Don't try to rush it through. Take your time and absorb each week, if you get stuck on one week, post about the troubles your having, we have all been stuck at something. And any small steps you make, or setbacks you feel, please post. There are a great deal of wonderful compassionate people here. Trish

E.J. Thanks for sharing your story with us today. You will find that there is tons of support and encouragement on our site. Please feel free to browse around the site and even try our Panic Program. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to post them here in the support group or contact us at support@paniccenter.net. The Panic Center also has a sister site called the "The Depression Center". You can visit this site at www.depressioncenter.net. Here you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. If you continue to need extra support our Support Department is always available 24/7. The best advice and support you will receive will be through the online support group. All our members are very supportive and insightful. Hope this helps, Josie

Hi guys. My names e.j. and I had my first panic attack when I was 18 years old. I'm 21 now and am still suffering through depression, anxiety, & panic. To tell you the truth, I dont even like being in a car if i'm not driving. Especially on long trips. Sometimes I have trouble controlling my own thoughts. Scary thoughts, anxious thoughts, thoughts of losing my place to live, not being able to work. It's horrible to tell you the truth. Speaking about work, Not since I first started having these attacks have I gone back to work. I previously held decent jobs and earned decent money. But now I feel like such a loner. My dad has been leanient with me - allowing me to stay at home and all. I really dont even go out much anymore. And I only have one friend i confind in. I feel alone, scared - as if i've done something wrong. These feelings suck :(. I dont want to scare anyone, but I have scary thoughts that I wont be able to live like this any longer and might be forced to take my own life. I dont find any relief or happyness in these thoughts at all though, so i know i'm not crazy. I'm just being honest. Also... I'm afraid of medications and side effects. The only medication I take reluctantly is 0.25mgs of clonezapam (klonopin.) It helps me just enough to relax so maybe i'll be able to sleep at night. *sigh* I need a lot work guys :/. Anyway I'm gonna hang around here and read/relate with your stories. I find it helpful knowing that though I feel all alone in the world, your with me. P.S. About work.. I really feel almost petrafied of being in a situation in-which i wont be able to leave if I have a full blown panic attack. Maybe you can share with me how you do it. with alllll the details lol. Thank you. e.j.