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Parent-Child Conflict


20 years ago 0 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Susanne, I am in therapy; a doctor that my mother knew quite well when she was an assistant principal at a high school. The doctor makes a point to talk to her quite regularly. We are not blood relations, though, because I'm adopted, and my maternal grandmother had severe agoraphobia and depression. All this information was included in the profile the adoption agency gave my parents at the time of my adoption. I know there is some misdirected anger because my mom works full-time at a job that is complicated and involves dealing with some very unhappy parents of kids that are in our school district. The main problem is that we have huge personality clashes. She is very take-charge and likes to be active in everything she does, but I am passive and behave rigidly due to my anxiety, but also seem lazy to her because I am always tired because of my depression...Perhaps one day we will learn to cooperate better. Thanks to all for your encouragment and ideas. I'm grateful. God bless. :)
20 years ago 0 46 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Blue, your mother sounds like mine. She tries to understand what's going on with me, but when it causes her to be inconvenienced she forgets everything she's read or been told and adopts an attitude like I'm just being lazy or a big baby or something. Mind you, all four of her kids have suffered from panic attacks and/or depression at some point, so you'd think she'd be used to this by now. Sometimes people just don't understand how much power there is in their words, especially people who've never experienced what we have. Once my mother sent me into a 10-day depression just with her mouth. We talk a lot about the genetic factor because it's interesting and it helps us answer the "why me" question, but sometimes our parents had no disorder. This is when it becomes difficult for them to be patient. They've never experienced this and therefore can't understand why we don't just snap out of it. When I first started having panic attacks as a child, I remember my mother kept saying "That's never happened to me," as though that had some relevance to the situation. Hopefully you have someone else in your life who does understand and has more patience. If not, you always have this online group. Maybe you can also try to note what kind of day your mother is having when she loses patience with you, and look for patterns. It could be that she's stressed out for other reasons and you're just getting misdirected anger.
20 years ago 0 293 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Dear Blue, Many people do not have a clear understanding of panic/depression, perhaps your mother is one of those people. Are you in therapy? Perhaps you could have your mother come with you to a session and the doctor could fascilitate communication and understanding. Susanne
20 years ago 0 183 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Blue sounds like your mom has some issues of her own. you know that there is a genetic link when it comes to mental illnesses. you probably inherited your problems from her. maybe you should try to talk to her about it on one of her good days.
20 years ago 0 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I€™m still in high school and I live at home, with my parents. At first, when I started asking for help, they were both very supportive. But, ever since I€™ve been on my medication, my mother has stopped wanting to help me. She is very good at hurting my feelings when she doesn€™t mean to, and she often tells me to €œget a grip,€ when I start trying to tell her about my symptoms, or when my depression is especially bad on a given day. But then, other times, she seems willing to help in any way she can. I understand she is only human and she has her own issues to deal with€¦but I don€™t understand how one day she says €œget a grip!€ and €œwhy can€™t you at least PRETEND to be happy?!€ Then come back another day and be really concerned and sensitive. Any ideas about how I should deal with this? It is very hard because I never know what her reaction will be and I€™m very afraid of conflict so€¦help? Thanks. God bless, y€™all.

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