lilalef, I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time lately. This site is wonderful, you will find so many people that understand how you feel. Read all the posts that you can, surely you will find something that will pertain to you. Start the panic program, it's very helpful. I have found that changing my attitude has been the most helpful thing for me. You have to work very hard at it, and give yourself a pat on the back for every little new thing that you do. You cannot get discouraged because things don't change overnight. It took years for it to get this bad and it will take time to get over it, but you can do it! Go sit in another room of your house for 15 minutes if you can and then congratulate yourself on trying. You must encourage yourself in any small way that you can, or you get so depressed that you stop trying. Good luck to you, and post here anytime, we all understand. You are in my prayers!