In March, I was in Guatemala. I was surprised at how much I was thinking about smoking while I was there. Look at my stats and you might wonder, "Why after 11 months??"
When I was in Guatemala the year before, I had been smoking like a chimney. I was "preparing" to quit and was scared to death. I was already feeling deprived, so I wanted to smoke every possible cigarette that I could. I was also going to an internet caf� daily to get written reports about my vivacious smoking friend Ann who had just had a spot found on her lung. (yes, she died of lung cancer...on the day of my return from Central America) After reading the latest report, I would go back outside the caf� and smoke.
So this year, everywhere I went, I remembered being there the previous year with a cigarette. It is really true what they say about the seasons. I too found that I needed to go through each season and each situation, smoke-free, before I really felt solid in my quit and before the triggers diminished to true insignificance.
Anyway, I checked my e-mails and there was a message from Josie. Josie??? She wrote to say that I had been nominated for the SSC Hall of Fame, would I accept? There I sat, at one mile high, in a small dark internet caf�, in a little Guatemalan village amidst towering volcanoes, with tears rolling down my face. I unashamedly sat there and cried and cried, until I realized that the other patrons thought they were tears of sadness and that someone important had died.
They were right and wrong.
The former was false. I was not sad!!!
The latter was true. Someone, something important had died! It was nicodemon and this horrible addiction that had plagued me for 30 years. They were DEAD!!! DEAD!!!!!
I look back at this year, as the hardest of my life.
Kicking this addiction was the most difficult thing I have ever done.
It made graduate school look like kindegarten.
It was more stressful than placing my Mom in an Alzheimer's unit. It was more terrifying than anything I have ever encountered. Temporarily, I lost my sanity and my equilibrium and wondered if I would ever find myself again.
My relationship with my husband teetered. (It is fine now)
I gained weight and am still struggling with that.
I was depressed
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Quit Meter
$809,025.00
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 5438
Hours: 21
Minutes: 14
Seconds: 24
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
46230
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
1,155,750
Cigarettes Not Smoked
