Hello. I have responded to people but not left a
message myself. I just joined. When I was a child I
was in the hospital. Unlike today, workers were
totally unscreened, no background checks. I had
some pretty invasive things done, and I was left
alone. I was threatened by hospital staff. I was left
alone for tests. The machinery then was huge. For
years, I have suffered from phobias of things like
heaters, cooling units - similar in nature to the
X-ray machines etc.
I know because of the trauma of being alone and
being so panicky at a young age I now have
monophobia. I have dealt with driving on the
highway, driving at night, etc. The thing I can't do is
stay alone at night. I busy myself so I can sleep in
the day when I feel safe. If I try to get ready for bed
earlier I always end up feeling unreal, then
panicking, and I will call someone.
I feel like I am being swallowed up by a giant void
of emptiness, and I will be lost forever. I MUST see
someone or talk to someone. Does anyone else
suffer from the same fear?
I can practice other things in steps except for being
alone all night long. Roommates don't take care of
my things like I would like, and I don't want to be
out somewhere at night. I can sleep at my parents,
but it is an unhealthy environment for me.
I don't have family in town or know neighbors. I am
in an apt. building. It is eerily quiet. I only do well
when someone is there at night. My friends are
busy and have children.
Has anyone else been able to conquer a fear of
being alone, esp. at night when there is a feeling of
disconnection from the world? Any advice would be
appreciated.
