Hi Marianne, Glad to see you sharing! I really related to your posting, many of my panic attacks have similar triggers to yours. Especially the ones you talked about with regard to social reasons! Most of my friends think that i'm one of the most unhealthy people they know, i'm always too "sick" to go out, or am not feeling "well" enough to carry through with plans. I find it less embarassing for people to think that i'm chronically ill than for them to know i have a panic disorder. Everyone can understand catching a bug, not too many people understand what it is to have a panic attack. I've also tried many different types of therapy, none of which have been overly effective. I too feel better than i have in ages, but i see this mostly as a result of my own efforts. Anyways, it was nice to meet you, so to speak, and i look forward to reading more of your postings! Beth

Hi, Marianne. I just want to say welcome to the site. We'll be making some changes to the site and to the forums soon that you may find interesting.

I'm 37 and live with my partner in Cambridge, UK. We've been together for nine years and I'm a fairly calm and happy person who enjoys the pleasures of life. I've had panics since I was 17 (more years with than without them!) The first one happened when my parents were away for the weekend and a boyfriend had let me down. It was a classic, heart racing, feeling something is very wrong but you don't know what, completely out of the blue naked panic. It kept happening and I was very scared and conviced I was going to die. I went to all kinds of doctors and ERs. Everybody told me a different story, low blood sugar level, problems with the vegetative nervous system, all kinds of things, but nobody mentioned that the problem might be in my head rather than my body. I was convinced I was very very sick, if only they'd finally find what was wrong with me. I also suffer from an irritable stomach and ulcers, which can make your chest feel compressed and causes all kinds of sudden mysterious pains. Again, the stomach problems were only properly diagnosed as such after several years of going from doctor to doctor, but by then the anxiety and panics were very much part of me. I get phases when I'm ok for months in a row, then it gets worse and I have an attack almost every day. There are two main scenarios that set me of: 1) A sudden pain in my chest. Ok, I KNOW this is most likely caused by my funny stomach and it doesn't mean I'm going to die, but once the adrenalin hits you your in for the ride, and the feeling vulnerable and doomed afterwards can last for hours, no matter how much I try and talk sense to myself. 2) Being in a situation where I can't easily get out or to "safety". This can be social or physical, and can even be something I really enjoy. Classics would be rambling in the mountains (How would an ambulance find me up here?), being stuck in a traffic jam (Hours before I can reach home), or a trip to the seaside with friends (What if I start feeling unwell and want to go home? I'd spoil everybody's day!) I force myself to go out and do things, but very often it gets quite traumatic and I'm scared days ahead. I draw a line at flying though - I've just had one panic attack on a plane too many! I had always been angry with myself for being so s