Normally I get to work on a Monday and produce another weeks celebration.
This week, I wasnt at work on Monday - as I was off on holiday. I am back today and today I am at 50 days so I will celebrate that instead.
Its been hard these last few days, probably this last week has been hard. This weekend I really wanted to quit. I was SO SICK of quitting smoking. I just dont want to think about it anymore.
I drink at weekends, and part of my camping experience has often been sitting around a fire, drinking alcohol, outdoor food and smoking.. I felt SO CHEATED this weekend. I just wanted to smoke again. But i only wanted to smoke for the weekend.
How could I be on holiday and not smoke? I felt really cheated. Today is Tuesday and I am still not smoking, and today I dont want to either. I am at work, it wouldnt be appropriate for me to sit around smoking cigarettes. But come the weekend again, and I will be away again this time to a music festival for four days. I will be with people that smoke -and for sure i have never been to a music festival and not smoked.
I feel right now like i am holding on. Its tough. I havent taken Zyban now for around 2 weeks? So I dont know if that is making the difference? I have a prescription for 60 tablets which is another months supply I dont know whether to go back on them again?
I wish I could smoke at the weekend and at times when I want to and not at other times... this weekend I thought i would rather be a smoker than someone who sits around eating food (I am tired of eating food - i really am)... ah i could have died for a cigarette - if only I could get away with just smoking ONE 0r even JUST for the weekend?
I know these thoughts are not good, but I would have lost my quit this weekend if my boyfriend hadnt been so strong to stop me smoking - and if I wasnt so scared of the cigarette.
He even had a waterproof coat which he hadnt used since Glastonbury last year... in there was �10 and THREE CIGARETTES... my eyes lit up like a Christmas tree! But he threw them in a puddle.. and soaked them then broke them up and threw them in the bin. So I knew if i wanted to smoke then I would have had to buy 10 from the shop and I was too scared to do that, I didnt want to smoke ten, I just wanted to smoke ONE!