Hi Vincenza
I've been CBT'd into near-submission these last few years, and I've done a lot of work on core beliefs. It appears that I am brimming over with examples of the negative variety. I shan't bore you by listing them, because it's a very unoriginal and generic set of beliefs for a depressed person.
My sticking point has always been the principle that I must challenge these beliefs, and that when I investigate them they will turn out to be inaccurate. Trouble is, when I examine them they look pretty well true to me, borne out by my experiences, life situation and behaviour.
So, what does this mean? Either I'm correct and I am the person I think I am, full of faults and morally bankrupt etc. etc., or the beliefs are so deeply embedded that they don't want to shift. Or the whole paradigm of CBT is not helpful to me personally, and seeing things in these terms just doesn't work constructively for me. I'm not sure, and I am not being deliberately negative or obstructive here, but I do think that our beliefs regarding ourselves and the world are formed from our own experience, and so are more likely to be based on truth than otherwise. And just because a belief is negative or unhelpful (a term my therapist prefers) I do not see that it is necessarily incorrect or mistaken. A 'positive' belief is just as likely to be untrue, surely.
Maybe I'm just a hard nut to crack
All this begs the question of why I stick with beliefs that are contributing to making me unhappy, and why I am reluctant to challenge and/or change them. Well, as I see it, unless I undergo some sort of miraculous personality change, the things I believe will continue to be based in fact, so I can't choose to stop believing them.
I do feel strongly that I am depressed, not because of what I believe, but because of who and what I am, and the state of my life at present which has resulted from many years of weakness, cowardice, dishonesty........etc. I can't undo the past which has led me here. I just feel stuck and, in all honesty, find it very hard to see a way out of this.
