I feel the exact same way :( Ive been with this beautiful amazing person for 2 years and for the last 5 months been struggling depression and he is literally on the point of break because he just can't handle it. Its practically putting him into a space of depression because I just don't even think about emotions or my actions, and it's put its toll on the relationship.
It's so hard knowing you're trying to fix yourself for everyone else and it absorbs you, and as you try so hard you end up ruining it.
Yes, it takes a special person to be with someone who has frequent struggles. Usually we know we are with the right person when it makes them happy to see that we are taking care of ourselves!
I am a little different. I am bipolar. So I need constant maintenance, probablely for the rest my my life. My husband trusts me to get the medical attention I need like anyone else, like a diabetic patient or a cardiac patient. There will be extreme times when I might lose my judgement (my husband will be useless then like when my anti-depressant intoxicated me). But, I hope for the best from day to day. Not everyone knows what to do in panic. :) So my illness is mine.
I have been with my Chouette since 1989 and we have been married since 1996. We have 2 children. No separations. No times apart. No compromise. We face each challenge together; family, children, work, finances, legal. It is all an adventure. Together we walk through it and whatever "it" is, it eventually comes to an end.
My man has been very patient with my depression. He's endured it for 20 years. But he is tired of it. He feels he has waited long enough and wants some attention back but I am always in need. The guilt over making him endure me doesn't help my depression. But as -m said, maybe it would help if I changed my focus. Let go of the guilt and be appreciative of all the ok days we have had and look forward to the ok days I can still offer. Maybe less pressure will create less depression and I can spiral UP!
In my experience, it is very difficult to have a healthy relationship with someone else unless you give yourself the time and attention you need to find your balance, your center, your value to you ... first.
I found that my depression has taken a major toll on all my relationships but some partners were better able to cope with it than others. My current partner was going through his own things and my depression only triggered and agitated his negative feelings and as a result, we have both burned each other out during our 4 year relationship and have had to take time apart twice now. the last time we separated, he didn't do what he needed to, to make sure we would be strong again together, and we jumped back into the relationship too quickly, and things just spiraled downward again and way worse this past year.
This current separation has been way harder on me b/c i am going through a lot more now than a year ago with the loss of my father and my financial and career struggles. I feel very abandoned by him and let down that he let his issues overtake him and lead him down a bad negative path that ended up hurting me very deeply. now i worry that we will not be able to mend these wounds even though we love each other very much.
I do agree though that people who struggle with depression can and are able to have successful relationships but like it was mentioned, i think both people need to be on the same page about self care and continuous mental health maintenance. My issue is that this might be a difficult thing to find in a partner, where they are totally strong within themselves and able to support you and do what needs to be done to keep the relationship strong. it becomes more difficult when the person you are with has their own mental health issues to deal with. How can you both work on yourselves and each other at the same time? i struggle with this. and my partner handles his emotions very differently from me, is resistant to traditional therapy and does not reach out to outside supports like i do. should i be patient and wait for him to do the work he needs to do or do i move on and find someone who has already begun to work on his issues?
Yes, I agree... we can have relationships but it does take special people who are willing to learn about our illness and willing to go to counseling with us and willing to learn how to communicate with us in a healthy way. I finally found someone who has learned all of those things (it hasn't always been easy). This month we celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. We both respect and care for each other. Sometimes I "carry" him and sometimes he "carries" me... but in the long run ... we don't keep tabs... we take care. ~m
Depression can make relationships, especially intimate relationships difficult. When you are depressed , you can experience a lack of energy, concentration and being able to enjoy things that once made you happy.
However, individuals who are depressed can most certainly have relationships. Relationships are about communicating our needs and feelings to the other person. How can you communicate to the people in your life what you need from them during this difficult time?
I find that my biggest relationship problem is my depression. When I am so self-absorbed with trying to stay alive, I become insufficient at comforting the ones I love. And his hurt at not getting the TLC he deserves just makes me more depressed. It is cruel to be in a relationship and be depressed at the same time.
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