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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Yeah, we aren't going to stop pestering you for an update. Lots of people here care about you A and you've been a little absent. I think we all know how being absent feels. Sometimes we just can't write because we can't get out of bed, or we are doing okay but busy.

But write if you can. I worry about you when we don't hear. I'll try not to, but you are a strong presence here and I miss you.

deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Hello Arizona,

Sorry I didn't respond earlier I just haven't been online much lately. Just wanted to see how things are going. I've gone through a relationship loss also, and it really upset mea whole lot. This person was my best friend and the friendship ended over something so ridiculous and from my point of view insignificant.

I can honestly tell you that it took me a few monthst o get over it, and to move past it. Looking back at it I can see that this relationship wasn't that good for me, so maybe that's the reason why it ended...you know what I like to tell myself the only people we need in our life, are the ones that need us in theirs...

I hope things are better, let us know how you are doing ok?

Kat

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

I'm so glad A. I really meant everything I said. How are you doing now?

Deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Thank you Deborah, your post put a smile on my face and helped me see beyond the pain.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Beautiful post cvdeb!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Sweet A.

Yes there is a reason for everything. I haven't had a chance to read posts earlier, or I would have responded.

Ashley said it very well-- you are in grieving and are going to go back and forth. I'm sorry that you're hurting though. Try and sit with the feelings and go through them. Talk here as often as you need. Breathe, cry, post, sleep, talk, and try to take a walk.

Sometimes when we are in the middle of things, we don't understand what the lesson is, but keep breathing, keep waking up everyday, and I seriously promise you that you will understand what it was that you needed to learn. The pain is coming from not knowing right now.

Depression or not, this is something that all people deal with. An important gift of depression is that we seem to ask more questions, and seek more. We search. We are always searching.

Although you feel horrible, you are on the verge of huge discovery. It may not be today, but you are there.

You are a smart man, and I know that you already know all of this stuff. I'm just reminding you. :)

You are beautiful, you are competent, you give strength, your love flows so strong that you are able to share it here in abundance. You are where you should be and everyone here loves you.

Be mindful A. Sit in a warm spot by some flowing water and lift your head up to watch some clouds float by. When you are particularly stressed, try and run/walk/hike to dissapate the stress hormones in your body (easier said than done). Dumb depression seems to turn us into washclothes.

Thanks for posting. You're feeling exceptionally strong feelings and you needed to get them out. I hope it helped to write.

We love you A.

Deborah

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Arizona,

I am sure so many people here can relate to what you are going through. Lossing a relationship can be so hard. Even if the relationship was a negative in your life losing that persons companionship and affection can be very difficult. Mourning the loss of this relationship is hard but important. Many people say it is too hard to be friends directly after a romantic relationship has ended. Some people need to take time to mourn the relationship before they can move forward with another type of relationship with that person.

Reading over the section on grief and loss in the program may help. Here is some important coping strategies I pulled from the section:

Step 1: Write down the positive and negative aspects of the relationship. What did you like or enjoy most about that person? What about your relationship do you miss the most? How do you feel when you think about the positive aspects of your relationship? What did you like least about the person?

Please note: This can be very difficult to do as we don’t like to think about negative aspects of our relationships when we’re grieving. However, there’s usually at least something that we didn’t like about the relationship.

Step 2: Consider your most recent relationship with the person. Was it always like that?

Step 3: Overall, what was your relationship like? Was it more positive than negative or more negative than positive?

Step 4: Is there any way to make any positive meaning out of your loss?

Step 5: Is there any ritual that could help you cope with your loss (it could be very public and formal, or very personal and private).

Step 6: Is there anything else that you can do to cope better with your loss? What can you do to get the social support you need? What can you do to develop new relationships, interests and hobbies?

Take your time with these questions and if you are comfortable let us know what you come up with.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Just feeling a huge sense of loss. Feeling very lonely for something I had that doesn't exist any more.

Half of me has moved on and the other half is hooked into the past. It's a weird place to be.

I'm trying to stay friends with this person so that I don't lose a friendship too but it is so difficult to go from what we had to being friends. I know time will make this better but some days are so brutal. It's good that I have changed and that I had the depression because I needed this change but I don't understand why it had to cost me this relationship too. I know, and I believe, there is a reason for everything. I just wish I knew what the reason for this was. What am I supposed to learn?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi Arizona,

I am sorry you are feeling grief and anxiety today. What other thoughts, feelings or ideas do you have about what you are going through. Can you tell more?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Hi,

Having a tough day today. Feeling a lot of pain over the loss of someone important in my life. Feeling some grief, and feeling a bit of anxiety.

Anyone have any insights from their life to share?

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