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Please don't give up. I have made so many suicide attempts in my life that I can't even tell you how many, luckily most of them were so half-hearted that they didn't require that I be hospitalized. I am older than you and have been at it for a much longer time. I wish I could tell you that it goes away completely but that would be a lie. What I can tell you is there are many good times and, hopefully with appropriate treatment, they far outnumber the bad. And some people are lucky and their illness goes into remission for years at a time.
I have a son too and there have been many times that the only thing that has kept me here is him. There were times when I almost had myself convinced that he would be better off without me but I can tell you CATEGORICALLY that that is not true.
Your love for him has to be strong. There is nothing as devastating to a child as the suicide of a parent. I had the opportunity to hear from some people whose parents had killed themselves. Even after they had grown up and understood about mental illness, it still ate away at them and affected their entire lives.
Please hang on for him. Don't stop looking for help no matter how many doctors or nurses are rude to you. It's a cliche but it is true, where there is life, there IS hope. We just can't always see it but it's there. I have to believe it and I hope you will too.
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