One thing about actually doing the work is that it reinforces the facts in memory and since they are positive facts this is a good thing. I'm really impressed when I see someone actually doing the work instead of looking for short cuts. I never found any short cuts. Slow steady determination is what worked for me. And one day I realized it paid off. I woke up to realize the panic was gone and had been for a while. No more relapses. Not even any concern there would be.
I wanted to post pics of my flowers but can't change my Avatar.
You have certainly had a profound effect on my steps towards CBT. I'm working on exposure still. I deadheaded the flowers in both flower beds today and then watered really well this evening. I am also reading an Asserting Yourself workbook which is taking up some well spent time on the sofa. :) Of course the workbook part of it means I have to do the work.
I managed some time weeding today, besides driving the tractor and working in my shop, weeding is a stress reliever. It is a combination of distraction and accomplishment. The strawberry bed is weed free and looks very good. It is too hot to continue weeding but I could mow some lawn.
I have never seen so many toads and so many different colours. We have a Richardson's Ground squirrel living under the Rhubarb. I don't think he eats garden stuff. He seems to like clover.
Yesterday I made final adjustments to my sawmill and made a test run on a birch log. I'm going to cut boards to use in my shop this winter. On Monday I get my other cataract done and will have 20/20 vision again. I'm not expecting any anxiety since it is a simple operation just a nuisance and an all day thing. 12 hours away for a ten minute procedure. At least it isn't winter. Unless you have buckets of money, being retired is not all it is cracked up to be and that can be stressful. Still it is nice to be my own boss most of the time. All I own is paid for so getting by is easier. Did you know it is illegal to trade. The tax man doesn't like to be left out. So my neighbours help me and I help them and we don't call it trading. There is a certain amount of stress finding the time that would not be there if I could just write a check. Money can buy happiness if you do it right, but nothing can give you happiness till you have a control or cure for panic attacks. A panic disorder sucks the life blood out of you like nothing else can. It is so disabling. So getting better might be a better title for this post since I continue to but so much of my life is getting by. Like the song, "I get by with a little help from my friends" You can not have too many friends on your road to recovery.
I'm glad to see the number of people sharing and posting. I hope we get more and since I'm recovered and don't fit there I'll just stand by open to questions or any help I can give.
My neighbour (Richard) showed up in full rain gear with a chain saw and full intentions of getting some logs for the saw mill. The weather Gods were with me because all I had was a rain coat. Well we have a bunch of logs cut to length and by the trail where I can get at them. I still have to block up the mill and take off the wheels. (it is a portable band saw) I like it as low as I can get it. Still raining off and on so I'm not in a hurry to do that. We want boards that are not standard size so our only option is to cut our own. I have a mill and trees and he is the labour. It might be a fair trade. I can't say I like working in the rain even if I was only driving the tractor. Later between rain storms I did some landscaping because as I said I'm edgy and the tractor is a stress reliever for me. (it is hard to concentrate on driving and other things at the same time) So in a couple of days we will be doing that. (if it stops raining)
It is raining and the change is making me edgy. The change of routine is not wanted but there anyway. So tomorrow is another day and I shall just have to adjust. Right now emotions are playing havoc with my thoughts. I need a project I can do in the rain. Something interesting not just a chore, a chore I can make not a chore till the rain stops. And it looks like it could be a while. The rain that is.
Davit.
One conciliation is that I don't have to water the garden and the grass needed it. There is always a silver lining.
I'm weeding three hours in the morning and again in the evening as it continues to be very hot during the day. Watering in the evening with two sprinklers at a time till the ground is soaked. Watering flower beds and green houses with a garden hose. That alone takes 45 minutes. Sprinklers around three hours.
I don't have air conditioning. I find the ceiling fan noisy too. It is also smokey from forest fires.
It will cool down again but for now I'm getting by as best as possible.
Server error so I can't post pictures. I'm having trouble with some of the keys on my keyboard. I'll have to take the time to fix that. My garden is doing good but I have to water. I also have to stop work during the hottest part of the day. So it is usually 9 pm before I come in. Still happy though.
Funny how some days it seems like just so much work and is it worth it and then I see a yellow rose I planted two years ago has a flower open and more coming and it is all worth it. CBT is like that. There is no such thing as taking too long. Little things make each day better. I'm getting caught up, getting closer to putting the boat in the water. Maybe as soon as next week. I don't expect to catch any fish but will try anyway. I need to buy a spare tire for the trailer. Next year we will be set up and can get the boat in the water sooner. Next year there should be fewer expenses too. Money is always a good reason for anxiety.
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