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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit, It's always inspiring to read your daily challenges, since mine are so minimal. Today I dragged myself to a workshop about loss, in a cold church basement. I really didn't want advice, but it seems that it's par for the course. It must have taken a couple of hours before I actually smiled, but I did smile! With losing mom just over 4 weeks, I just feel vulnerable, and had to get to this meeting, so I just see how this cold is progressing. A memorial service for Wednesday is planned, and hopefully I can be good enough to go to another the day before, too. I am bewildered, and miss mom so much. She's in better hands now.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

-28 degrees Celcius and the tractor is plugged in but it might still not start and more so, I might not start. Do I really need to do this, it is only a foot of fresh snow. Need to shovel out the cars. I honestly was hoping some wind would clean the snow off them a bit. I miss having my garage. Tim can't work in this weather so it will be a while before I get my garage back. Other than that it is a lovely winter. It is interesting to see a set of Weasel tracks start in the middle of the garden where he has come out from under the snow. He was probably eating Voles. Jasper went out and turned around and came right back in.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Well Karin might not be moving for a few days. We got three feet of snow. I cleaned the driveway when it got to two feet so have to do it again. There are two piles of snow in the driveway that are actually cars. More snow coming Monday but warmer. The sun reflecting off the snow right now is very bright.

It is nice having a tractor with a six foot wide snow bucket.

Clear sky so the temp will drop a lot at night now.

Davit.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Snowing this morning, not much. No wind so it is coming straight down. The trees are sill covered and it is pretty. I'm going to go move some of it in a bit. It's not cold but close enough to melting to be damp. Snowfall warning in affect.

Well do it and get it over with. There have been a few winters where it started to snow in December and never quit till march. Not good weather to be moving in. I certainly wouldn't.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Just putting in time. It is hard to believe how hard I worked just to come full circle and get back to where I was. But the freezers are full and I don't mind living alone. I will still have a routine. Get up in the morning, give Jasper some milk and let him out if he wants out. Light the fire and get breakfast. Look out the window. Is it snowing, is it raining, am I going to go to town? Boring hey! But there is little to do now till spring. Theodore is sleeping, he is good at sleeping, he can sleep 22 hours a day. What more does he need he has food and fresh water and windows to look out and absolutely no anxiety. No one has ever hurt him so he loves everybody. Even if they don't want to pet him or have him shed on them. Sounds like the old folks home.

I better find something to do or I'm going to be just like him. And if I am I might as well go live in the old folks home.

Nah, I can't do that. I don't like people enough to go live with a bunch of them.

Davit.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi Hugs

I tend to let things slide which can turn into passive aggressive. I'm doing that again. She will be moving to her own apartment in the next Village at the end of the month. All will clear up then. It will take a day maybe to get used to the quiet. I'm used to living alone so it is no problem. If you are not then the change must be hard for you. My biggest problem will be changing to a routine that doesn't involve someone else. Not so hard since we did nothing together. We never even ate the same food and if we did it was not at the same time. I usually got up two to three hours earlier than her.

Davit

Ps, I still have my cats for company.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Thank you Red.

You have known me five years. I'll be okay.

I cancelled our joint therapy sessions since we won't be needing them. I'm not interested in what went wrong since Karin was going to move some time anyway. The sessions were just to get us through till May.

I'm looking forward to the quiet. But then I always did like the quiet. Candle lit suppers with quiet conversation. Weeding and listening to the birds. Oh I'm going back to single but I can still have someone over. If I ever move anyone in again they will have to have similar likes. I'm too old for all this stress. You can see the problem though, some one who likes quiet probably isn't interested. I wonder if we ever get what we want or just grow tolerant. Like so many people do with anxiety. They grow to accept coping. I don't want to cope, I want freedom. And freedom I intend to have.

Davit

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hang in there Davit!

It's almost over now and then you can get some blissful peaceful much needed rest..

It's ok to be angry and to set some boundaries with these people if you are up to it if not take your meds as needed just don't over do it my friend..I sure understand the need for space and peace and quiet. I set some boundaries after my last experience with house guests several times this last year..

It is my house really not anyone else's so one of the new rules in my house is no one stays over night and if they really want to visit Edd, they can all meet in a restaurant and they can all socialize over dinner. Last time they were here Edd's daughter wanted to know if I was going to stay here at the house while she went to see his storage locker..Dam right I was. I had all the non-company that I could stand. There's Nothing Worse than being treated like a outsider in your own home. Oh by the way I no longer have a guest room available. I moved Edd into it after their last visit here and my non-60th birthday in August. This way I will not have to worry about them staying here again and using my home for a motel/restaurant because I no longer have a spare room for house guests any more and no they can not camp out on the living room floor either because I am not up to having house guest anymore and if they all don't like it then I am going to start living solo again my friend. I have already made that perfectly clear..

So as you can see it has all really turned out pretty good for me on my end and I can get a good night sleep now too.

Yep. No more Disease to Please for me anymore my friend..

Red...

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Davit, Can you just sit with Karin and ask her to stop inviting the others in, or is that what you mean by max your "CBT" skills?

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I'm a very quiet person, I like my space so why I invited someone to stay with me is beyond me. But I did, and now she is moving and I will have my life and space back.

All this arranging and packing is driving me round the bend, especially since there are two other people in and out of the house too. Tim and Max are building in my garage. And karin keeps inviting them in for hot chocolate and lunch. It is slowing things down and prolonging the stress. I lent them my air nailers and compound miter saw to speed things up and she is working against this. No communication here at all. I said they could use the garage, not the house too.

Ten days till the Uhaul packs her and her stuff away. They should be finished in the garage too. The peace and quiet will be so nice. Till then I will dig out the valium and take as many as I need to get by. At least it is easy to get off again. The way I see it is I could overwork my CBT skills and get by or I can just flat line for ten days and pick up the pieces after. I'm tired from a long hard summer and just want to relax. I don't like using meds but this is short term and will allow me to get a much needed break. It will allow me to think clearer if slower. And It just might keep some of the anger at bay.

Davit

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