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Disability and depression.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Davit,

What a valuable post you gave here about your insights into disability and how people treat one another. Here is what it made me think about:

Years ago when I was at the stage of parenthood when one is always pushing around a stroller when at a store, it felt like there were two kinds of people in the world - people who help me get a baby stroller through the multiple doors at stores and malls (an annoyingly awkward task), and people who don't.

Because it was something I did often, and appreciated help with, this whole 'getting a stroller through these doors' event happened enough that I felt I was observing where we are at as a society as I went through this ritual almost daily.

I was always surprised by the people who didn't help at all. Literally 3 seconds of their time could make a huge difference to my task of getting this big carriage through these poorly planned spaces for such an object such as a huge stroller. I was always surprised when someone ahead of me let the door slam right in front of the stroller instead of holding it open for the 3 seconds it would have taken to help me get through the doors.

Looking back I sort of wish I had kept better track of how many people were in the helpful group vs. the unhelpful. However, I know that the helpful group was larger, thank goodness. And I think that this is probably because some social sympathy is granted to those with small children, although this seems to be shifting as well as part of the overall decline in sympathy and empathy that comes along with social disconnection.

Anyway, I think that my experience with the stroller gave me some personal experience with seeing how people respond to being helpful in small ways towards someone else and by no means compare it to disability which is not a fair comparison. It gave me insight into how different people are in regards to how helpful we are towards one another.

On a more personal note, I am sad that we live in a time where there is a struggle to keep cooperation and common thoughtfulness and empathy alive in our social settings. It is inspiring that you keep a positive attitude a lot of the time about life.

When I read your post it reminds me of the information about self-concept. We determine who we are and what type of person we want to be in the world. As you say, we should think about how we want to be remembered. I totally agree with that.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 85

Davit

You are an inspiration. You dont know me but you reach out and help whenever I ask for help. You give so much comfort - I hope you find some semblance of it where you are, every day. Thank you for your generosity.

Naa

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Ashley

Simply the fact that there are people in worse shape than me. And it has been my observation that what goes around comes around. How can I possibly expect help if I don't help. It isn't often an even trade but it sure is better than sitting in a corner feeling sorry for myself. That isn't going to make the days any easier, a feeling of accomplishment does, even if it isn't noticed. The red cross has a saying "Blood, it is in you to give." Some of us can't give blood but it doesn't stop us from giving of our selves. Giving is a gift only you can give. If you don't then you are only contributing to an already selfish world. What are you going to leave behind, what will you be remembered for. My friend Greg who died of a heart attack helping some one is remembered for all the times he helped some one. I doubt knowing he had a bad heart would have stopped him. Probably what did him in was too many years on morphine.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Davit,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us so honestly and insightfully. You are right, it is sad how disabled people are often ignored or mistreated in our society. Their are agencies out there that help but this pales in comparison to the help of loved ones. In the past, the entire community would help and in exchange your gifts could be shared with more people. Today though it seems the community is of less importance to many people. It seems almost the more money people have the more isolated they become - there is poverty of finance but there is also a povery of meaning and connections many people in the western world suffer with. I must say it is so refershing to read your thoughts - very real and very intelligent which can be hard to find these days. If only people could see most people who are "disabled" are much better as cutting through the bull*&^% and getting to the point in a much more straight forward way. We all really should learn from this.

Anyways, enough of my thoughts. I would like to read more from you. How are you able to keep such a giving mindset while in pain Davit?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Davit,

I am sending a Big Hug your way today..

Maybe it is the changing of the seasons this time of year..For me the days seem to get better as the day progresses. Not sure why they just do. Then the next thing you know it is time to get in our comfy beds and it feels so good to get some rest for the next day that's coming..and it starts all over again..

Red..

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

It is 6 in the morning and I've been running this through my head for an hour or so.

I'm not talking about clinical (chemical) depression here but rather fairly regular periods of sadness.

When you first become disabled for what ever reason you try to ignore it and go on as life was. And for some things aids to your disability help. You accept you are not going to be what you were. But your whole world is going to turn upside down. At first your friends help you and try to fit you in. But slowly they realize that you are a burden. You can't keep up. Even just going for coffee is awkward. You have little to talk about and little in common anymore. And as you drift apart you disappear from their world. Not always on purpose, because you are less in their world you are less in their mind. Even loved ones unless they are truly dedicated and intelligent enough to see they are missing an opportunity here will drift away. In mind if not in body. And of course they don't understand what you are going through. The only true friends I have are those with a disability or are dedicated to helping some one with one. I have people say they are amazed by what I manage to get done without realizing that I have to if I want to keep this way of life. And they don't understand the connection between pain and mood. If some one was beating on your hands with a hammer wouldn't you be grumpy or mad. Especially if there is nothing you can do.

This separating of the ways is two sided, after a while of not being recognized for the effort you are making and the pain you go through you quit trying. It is pretty hard to do something and not be appreciated for it. Now here is where the problem comes in as I see it because the non disabled person is going to say, my point indeed. Not fair, not fair at all.

For the helper it is nothing but a little time put out. (God forbid we waste someones precious time) (receptionists) But the disabled person has both a physical and mental struggle to work with and if you just give them time to settle they will show their appreciation. That is unless you make them feel like they owe you. So you had better look to yourself if you are not appreciated. I get tired of having to say thank you more than once to appease some ones ego. So I end up doing it myself and then I'm too tired to do what they want. That is unless they are someone that I appreciate and not some one that treats me like a burden. For them I will go out of my way to help (usually with knowledge or what ever physical thing I'm capable of). I appreciate it when they give me time also to do something. My world runs at a different pace. all disabled peoples world runs at a different pace.

The greatest gift a person, including the disabled, has is the ability to unselfishly help others. We are or were at least social creatures. A hundred years ago we were treated with more respect and understanding than now in this high speed world. Which is why I am up this early in the dark. It takes a long time to get what I want done on top of what I want to get done. (no that isn't a typo or a misquote) I will help where ever I can without looking for thanks because for me in my world that is a gift that I can share. And that I will share, even with those that don't appreciate it because it is what I do. It is what I am good at. It is also why I have more tolerance for ignorant people, they are just ignorant (unlearned) Now the truly mean is a different story. Still some times living in this world makes me sad. Busy helps but not always enough. But knowing this is not clinical depression and having what I feel is the right Attitude is keeping it from becoming just that.

Davit

Ps if you are angry and justified be angry, but if it is misplaced drop it. We are not always right.

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