I have to tell you that by challenging my anxious and negative thoughts my mood is much better. I am not in a constant state of anxiety. I have be able to let myself relax and enjoy my life more. I have not been more productive but I am feeling much better. I think that right now my body and mind are healing and recovering and the rest of it will come later.
I want to go back and change my previous statement and take out the but which is a negative statement. I have re thought it and yes I have been productive this week. I got my yard all mowed and trimmed, my roses all pruned and fertilized. I challenged my negative and anxious thoughts as they came up. I let myself relax. So all in all I have had a productive week so far. I am feeling better about myself. I am learning to accept my self the way I am and trying not to beat myself up for not getting more done. Their is a exercise we did on the depression center where we made a list of our pleasant and accomplishment activities for the day. I found it very helpful. It enabled me to see that I was being productive and that some activities are both pleasant and give you a sense of accomplishment. I just thought I would pass this idea on. This exercise has helped me a lot. I am going to start doing this exercise again starting now. Maybe Ashley can post it here also.
Yesterday I set out to do some exposure therapy at the local zoo and took some pictures of the wild life while I was there.
When ever possible I try to turn my exposure therapy into a pleasant activity. This way I can turn a negative into a positive and the thing that I am afraid of becomes a beautiful memory in my mind. It is then something I can look forward to doing instead of being afraid of doing.
It is raining and I am trapped in the house today. I have been going out and walking and taking pictures for the last two days at the zoo and at the lake, really any where that gives me the feeling of being in nature. I am finding that I am much more comfortable and relaxed when out of the house now. I thought I was agoraphobic all this time but now I am starting to think that being in the house and living in a big city is the real problem for me. I have thought about moving out of the city a lot for the last few years. I have traveled into California, Arkansas, New Mexico, Arizona, Oklahoma, and into Texas looking for the perfect place to be. I have yet to find that perfect place and home that I can afford to move to. Anyway I am beginning to think that living in a crowed and congested city is my major trigger. Of course selling a house and moving has its stresses and would cause me a lot of anxiety and panic. I don't know but I wish it would quit raining so that I could get outdoors for a while. I guess I am just rambling on today and should be thankful what I have.
I just wanted to tell everyone that I now have a new addition to my family. The educators know me from before on the depression center sister site. I was thinking about getting a dog again. I have always had dog and have not had a dog for the last 5 yrs. I really missed have a dog in my life. I finally found the perfect dog for me today at the County animal shelter also know as the dog pound. Her name is Sadie. She is 5yrs old and she is a chocolate pit bull mix. She is a very loving and gentle girl. She is so happy to be here with us and I am already falling in love with her. If you don't hear as much from me for a while its because I will be spending a lot of time with my new dog Sadie getting to know her and loving her. Having her here is already enriching my life. Anyway I just thought I would let you all know the good news.
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