Thank you for your post and thank you for saying that you care. I needed to hear that tonight ... and now I am crying like a stoopid wee girl ... and if you knew anything about me ... you would know that this hard assed Scots woman is not one usually given to crying ... or anything else that may alert others to any kind of emotional vulnerability ... but I am a big softie underneath this steely exterior (just don't tell anyone else!)
And no ... it isn't too late ... and what did I do in my hour of need?? ... I cleaned my oven!!!! ... I cried a lot whilst doing it but my wash gloves are water proof ... so now I have eyes that are all swollen and puffy ... but my oven looks like a shiny new pin!!!! ... and I still haven't smoked ... but as you know, this is such a struggle ... and my energies are depleted. I feel in a catch 22 situation ... I don't want to go back ... but I can't bear the mental torture of this addiction, I just don't think that I am strong enough.
Thank you SO much for getting back to me ... I needed to hear from someone tonight and I am glad it was you.
Take Care
Lil x
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 10/19/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 38 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 570 Amount Saved: �168.15 Life Gained: Days: 3 Hrs: 11 Mins: 16 Seconds: 58
Thank you ... it has been a struggle, especially lately but I'm hanging in there ... just! As for the hairy hound ... well, things are NOT going well, we rescued him from the local animal sanctuary and he is a lovely dog, mostly ... but he is VERY aggresive with other dogs and this is causing me major stress. His fate is hanging in the balance and will be decided in the New Year pending some kind of training classes for him and for us ... I am not ready to quit (on the dog) just yet ... but he is causing a world of problems within the harmony of the home ... I knew I should have got a gold fish!!!!
How is your Grandson? ... do they live quite far from you?
Luv Lil x
P.S I LOVE tattie scones ... my husband hates them ... but this just makes them all the tastier to me!!!!!!
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 10/19/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 53 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 795 Amount Saved: �234.53 Life Gained: Days: 4 Hrs: 19 Mins: 16 Seconds: 44
Hi to anyone out there ... to Miss Marple in particular. I am not 'back' ... I am merely lingering hopefully. I am still smoking so I am not sure that I should even be on here ... but maybe the fact that I AM on here is a positive sign. Good luck to all you recent quitters and RESPECT to all those who have remained strong. Maybe I'll be seeing you soon xx
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 3/9/2009 Smoke-Free Days: 301 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 4,515 Amount Saved: �1,331.93 Life Gained: Days: 27 Hrs: 22 Mins: 16 Seconds: 49
Jack Daniels ... It was J.D that weakened my resolve ... quite some time ago now, Well, that and the fact that my sister (a lifelong smoker) came to visit ... we had a few drinks - she went out for a smoke ... I followed and my will power went up in smoke ... literally. There is not much that you can do to help ... YET. The next bit I have to decide to do for myself - but the last quit was my first ever quit and it was so hard - smoking (or trying to refrain) became an obsession, I fought many a battle with my struggle NOT to smoke and yet it was the one thing that I really wanted to do ... I know, I know ... it probably doesn't make any sense! So now ... I am more scared than ever. The last time I was oblivious to what lay ahead ... but this time ... I KNOW and it terrifies me ... Aaargh 'the devil and the deep blue sea' - 'a rock and a hard place' and so it goes on .... maybe I'll lurk for a while ... read a few posts and see if I can muster up the courage ... but thanks, I appreciate you getting back to me.
Lil x
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 1/14/2010 Smoke-Free Days: -9 Cigarettes Not Smoked: -135 Amount Saved: �-39.83 Life Gained: Days: 0 Hrs: 0 Mins: 0 Seconds: -65305
Hey there Mr Rock ... I noticed that you were still around ... and still doing great - I was so pleased to see that you are still fighting the good fight. Yeah, I noticed that Miss Marple was AWOL and now returned - to be honest, it was probably this that encouraged me to post ... (I hope that didn't sound too awful!) Thanks for posting ... it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know that no one has turned their back on me ... yet! I shall take your advice and keep lurking ... you never know, maybe I can become a bonafide member once again ... stranger things have happened!! xx
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 1/14/2010 Smoke-Free Days: -9 Cigarettes Not Smoked: -135 Amount Saved: �-39.83 Life Gained: Days: 0 Hrs: 0 Mins: 0 Seconds: -65267
Hullo to y'all and OMG ... thanks for your response ... I was a wee bit scared to look and see ... but guess what ... I didn't get a spanking from anyone (Oh well a girl can dream!!) It was great to hear back from so many 'old' familiars and nice to see a few new faces too ... Cheeurs!
Miss Marple you old devil you ... great to hear from you and even better that you are still here dusting yourself down and wading back in ... all power to you Missus. I shall be reading your posts with keen interest to see how things are going for you ... Let me know (but only if you tell me that it has been easy peasy ... a gift ... a walk in the park ... good old plain sailing ... or am I being a little optimistic??) Good Luck my fag free friend ... and remember ... Lil is lurking!!
Lolly ... Great news, I am so glad that you are keeping well and that you are still here giving very sound advice - (or sermons!!) however you refer to it ... I NEED it ... I don't do tip toeing ... tell it like it is has always been the best medicine for me and as I no longer have my Mother around (I am 50% orphan) ... I do rather need a straight talking woman to put me in my place whenever the need arises .... and I rather suspect that you could be the woman for the job. I am SO pleased to hear from you ... I shall keep in touch.
Thanks to everyone ... your posts are helping to keep my hope alive. x Lil
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 1/14/2010 Smoke-Free Days: -7 Cigarettes Not Smoked: -105 Amount Saved: �-30.98 Life Gained: Days: 0 Hrs: 0 Mins: 0 Seconds: -49280
Just been reading your post and the responses you have received and I am hoping that you are doing well ... this is an entirely selfish hope because your feelings are so similiar to my own ... panic!!
I have not yet quit ... well I DID quit ... and then I lost it ... okay ... I din't so much lose it, more like I threw it away!! and I have been back on the cigs for another year and I have to admit that those first two or three smokes that I had following my last quit were SO good .... but the thousands that have followed have been hellish and I am gutted that I allowed myself to be pulled back in ... yes, there was always a low level sense of panic but when I concentrated on the 5 minute technique I always managed to quieten the panic ... but ... I started to look to far ahead, I started to imagine never being able to have another cigarette and the panic overwhelmed me ... and then my old friend beckoned me ... whispering all the false promises that I wanted to hear ... and in fear I rushed straight back into the strangle hold. Now that my old friend has me back - the grip is tighter than ever and my friend is now continuing to quietly and slowly suffocate me. This time around I am finding even the idea of quitting again a most terrifying prospect ... but I am still here, logging in and lurking ... feeling a lot like a prisoner on death row gazing out of the bars on the window into the sunshine and open fields ...
I do hope that you are fighting on ... because I do NOT want a cell mate. Good Luck ... I shall keen a wee eye out for your posts ... let me know how things are working out for you. xx Lil xx
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 1/14/2010 Smoke-Free Days: -7 Cigarettes Not Smoked: -105 Amount Saved: �-30.98 Life Gained: Days: 0 Hrs: 0 Mins: 0 Seconds: -49037
LOLLY! I logged in last night looking for you and Miss Marple. I have been struggling on and off with smoking - currently OFF as I have become unwell and due to go to the Doctor on Monday to arrnage further tests. My son recommended that I visit the SSC again for some help as he could see how terribly low and frightened I have become. I had not logged on since January and by the time I came off the SSC last night I was in tears - I am so utterly devestated by MM's illness, she is my buddy and I have thought of her often over the months ... I never for one moment even considered that it would be such awful news (I have been guilty of living the ostrich life ... head in the sand ... until something comes along and kick you in the arse!) I spent sometime tracking MM story and was filled with fear, sadness and admiration (she is a helluva lady!) but I also had a further insight into your own illness, much of which I did not know prior to last night. I find myself in a bit of a dilemma - I am worried that the Doctors will diagnose something awful and I have become very, very depressed (this is not my usual outlook on life!) but on the other hand - I am also think, maybe I will be lucky this time - but it's probably in the post for me down the line. I keep looking and my children, who are still young and I wish that I could turn back the clock. I feel so worried that they may have to grow up without me and I am so frightened for them. My son told me that he was looking up lung cancer on the internet ... and I was so sad that I have reduced my children to having to seriously contemplate the thought of their mother dying. Some people ... smoke for years ... then stop ... and go on to live long relatively healthy lives ... are these people a rarity??? or do all ex smokers have to live their lives with the grim reaper constantly lurking in the shadows?? Sorry to be an utterly depressing soul - but I just cannot muster up the 'old me' ... I seem to have run out of any sense of positivity. I am awaiting confimation of membership at the SSC on FB and hopefully some familiar faces will be there. It was good to see you still posting and i will try to keep a little more up to date with things. Take care Lolly xx
Oh God! ... I must have sounded so self absorbed in my last message, apologies for this - again this is not the 'usual me' - Breather ... I am sorry if I sounded like 'the most important person here', of course I know I am NOT but when you are frightened and low it is hard to see the wood for the trees ... SORRY!
Breather, Yes I DO remember you and I have been impressed at your strength and commitment. Sorry, if everything came out all wrong - I am just being eaten up by guilt and in a bit of a dark place. I am pleased to still see so many familiar 'faces' here ... and how well most are doing. Hopefully I too will get a chance to see my stats looking as good as yours. I will keep checking in ... and thanks xx
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